That's how I got busted. Put it in a garage.
All excellent advice, BTW.
This is is a place for noobs, I figured I'd give you guys some tips on how not to get caught by your SO. All of these tips involve never raising suspicion. Once suspicion is raised, it's over. She could hide a GPS device in your car and it's game, set and match.
1) Do not break a routine. If you never go to the gym at 7pm, don't start. If you don't typically shower at night, then continue not to shower. If you currently have sex with your SO twice a week, maintain that.
2) Wherever you're going to meet your provider, make sure you don't tell your SO that you're going to some other town. An an example, if you're going north 15 minutes to see your provider, don't tell your SO you're going south to meet "a friend" or for business. You're risking your car breaking down, being involved in an accident, road closures, traffic ticket, etc...one of a number of things that can show where you really went. I know a guy who got busted over mileage. He said he was meeting a friend down the street at a bar but really drive 40 miles round trip. His SO kept track of the mileage.
3) Make sure your provider doesn't use anything scented. Most pros know this but always ask. If you've having sex, even with a rubber, make sure you wash up before you go home.
4) Do not keep a written record of anything. If you write down your provider's address, come up with a system. I write the address backward - so 5684 Main is written as 4865 Main. Same with phone numbers - provider's last four are written backwards. Just in case my SO finds something, it's meaningless. But back on topic, trash everything - keep nothing. Oh, and never write a girl's name on anything.
5) Get a disposable phone. Pick one up at Walmart and pay cash. Then pay cash for the card to load it with minutes. Now there's no record of calls made and obviously hide the phone. Once you make or receive a call, make sure you clear it. There's no easier way for your wife to bust you then for her to request the phone records.
6) If you always answer your phone, then answer it when your SO calls. Noobies feel paranoid when they go on an appointment and their SO calls and decide not to answer. Bad move. That peaks their interest. In their mind, if you answer your phone rather quickly, you can't be doing anything wrong.
7) If you get burned, scammed or ripped off, pay and leave. This part might cause some controversy but $100 to $300 isn't worth getting busted by either getting in a loud fight or trying to stiff some girl who might be whacked out on drugs who also might have all of your information.
8) When possible, don't give anyone your real name or contact info. Use that disposable phone, get a separate free email account, like Yahoo. I'm stunned at the number of guys who use their regular email for this hobby. References win each and every time. Get a good reputation for treating providers with respect and you'll never have a problem getting an appointment.
9) This hobby has its dangers, but those can be minimized with research. Make sure you see a provider that's well reviewed on this site. Do not risk seeing some new girl off Backpage. It could be a scam or LE (law enforcement.) You will never have to worry about LE if you stick with well reviewed providers.
10) Finally, use your sixth sense. I'm still in this game after 20 years with the last 14 of them being married. If the situation feels wrong, it is wrong. Leave. I've had the hairs stand up on the back of my neck quite a few times when arriving at an appointment. Maybe it's a car parked outside of the hotel with two guys sitting in it. Maybe it's something else that just doesn't add up. Leave.
Never use your Credit Card anywhere you're not supposed to be. (Buy your gas, snacks, ahead of time in your home area.)
Never use your EZ Pass somewhere you are not supposed to be.
I switch out my regular phone with my hobby phone when doing a meeting. I clear all calls on the hobby phone... then shut it off & secure it. If I miss a call on my regular phone, it accidentally fell out in the car.
Clear GPS if you use it. I have Coffee shops in my GPS... close by certain locations I visit often.
If you have to write information, disguard at her location or a public trash in the lobby.
Do not use someone else as a cover story... too easy to be accidentally outed, and you don't want to give anyone this power over you.
It is often a good idea to carry a sealed 3 pack of your prefered condoms... leave the remainer at the location. (I know a lady is within her rights to refuse to use condoms supplied by others, but this precaution defeats certain scams. I've never been refused to use mine.)
As was suggested, use a private email account. Never access adult sites if anyone is nearby. Do not use work computers or internet on your own devise... Guys have been fired from 6 figure jobs over this. (It is within company right to moniter use of their equipment.) Unless you own the company.
When I started this hobby, I promised myself I'd not do anything dumb... but as I have participated here I have learned I was not careful enough & have tightened up my precautions.
skb
Great additional tips.
When I browse anything adult and especially this hobby at home, I use incognito mode in Chrome. This way I can do regular browsing and never have to worry about deleting search history. To some web savvy girls, if they see that you delete your history every time you use the computer, they know you're up to something naughty.
I can't stress your point enough to never use your computer at work for anything hobby related. I'd avoid agencies. Some want all of your personal info, including credit card and your number at work for verification. That is a NO GO! Stick with independent girls. On top of that, too many agencies are scams.
This next piece of advice depends on how your finances are set up if you're married. You need mad money - access to money that your SO doesn't question. This hobby doesn't work if you're wife asks why you just pulled $200 out of the ATM. We have a joint account, then each have our own separate account.
The other piece of advice that was given above is also fantastic - do NOT involve others in your lie. Especially others that your SO knows!!!
Details matter. For example, I see my providers when my wife thinks I'm at the gym. However, I actually go to the gym first so they scan my card. I then see a provider close by, then back to the gym for a quick work out. By design, I've led my wife to believe I work out for 90 minutes when it's actually about 20.
Never take anything into the appointment. I leave everything - my wallet, watch, cell, etc...in the car locked up. I have enough cash in my pocket. It's not about getting robbed, but leaving something behind by accident.
That's how I got busted. Put it in a garage.
All excellent advice, BTW.
".... I found it [on the subway/in starbucks/whatever] I was going to see if anyone would call it, but it's out of batteries. I'm just going to bring it to the lost and found tomorrow."
I have used
"oh, that's my sister's phone. I'm just taking it to get it repaired, she doesn't like dealing with technology."
sometimes I feel like a spy.
I had a friend say "Hey, I saw you at ______ restaurant. You were dressed up, with a man in a dark suit."
I said it was a meeting re: a volunteer position... I think I sounded convincing... maybe... ha!
SO & I have separate accounts... always been that way as she had children prior so we did not co-mingle funds. Everybody needs pocket cash for daily needs... I gradually increased it, taking the same amount from every check. I don't carry it all, but tuck excess in a safe place. When I want to play, there's no corresponding stop at the ATM.
Agree with everything except the Hobby Phone.
The hobby phone appears to me to be another problem that has to be covered up. Where do I put the hobby phone so it cannot be discovered? How do I charge it up? What do I do/say if it's discovered?
- if I put the phone in my office, I can only do hobby stuff during work hours
- if I put the phone in my car, it's liable to be discovered by the wife. After all, she is allowed to drive my car. I can't think of a completely safe hiding spot in my car. Any hiding spot in my car could be discovered by a mechanic. Imagine she gets a flat, and the mechanic finds a phone in the spare tire compartment? There goes your lie about "I found it..."
- if I put the phone in my gym locker, I have to go to/from the gym to pursue hobby activities? And how do I keep it charged?
If it's discovered once and I give the standard lie ("I found it...") then that means that phone had better not get discovered again! "You found ANOTHER phone?"
By the way, I have never found a cell phone in my life, and neither has my wife. So a good lie about "finding" a phone really isn't a good lie...
Nah, the hobby hone would drive me up a wall. Better to have a cell phone that your wife doesn't use, and give her no reason not to trust you.
1) I run all the finances in the house anyway, a second account is just begging a divorce attorney to ask questions...
2) I use my normal cell. Last thing is ANOTHER bill to have come over...and if you use a prepaid, now you have to go out and get minutes...who needs the hassel? You are aware your phone can have it's call history erased, right?
Input: Don't leave wads of cash laying out to be found. Buddy just got busted because he had a grand in an envelope on his desk. Wife didn't buy his story he was pulling his allowance out a little at a time to buy a trip for them.
First of all, every situation is different because everyone has a different level of "normal" in their relationship. Some girls want to know everything - where their hubby went, who he went with, etc...while other girls aren't as nosy. I'm lucky. My wife doesn't ask much about anything.
For me, the hobby phone is a must have. I will never risk some potentially whacked out provider calling my cell or texting me while I'm out with my wife. Solid providers know never to initiate a call, but it's happened to me before.
When I'm about to go to "the gym" my phone is simply in my pants. It's small and my wife doesn't pat me down before I leave the house. It is a perfect system? No. There's always a chance she can find it, but I'm careful.
This part depends on your finances. My wife is on my cell phone plan and has access to it. Meaning she's authorized to call our provider. That also means she can request a detailed report of all calls made and received. That's more risky.
Re cost, a cheap phone from Virgin Mobile or other carriers costs $20 and you only need to prepay for $10 of air time. Anyone who can't afford that probably can't afford to hobby anyway.
but they are recorded somewhere forever... Do you want a Provider calling your real phone in the middle of dinner? Ask Tiger about it!
Using a hobby phone, you can close the door on it someday & there are no linked records. Ditto a private email.
Actually my hobby phone spends most of it's life shut off... seldom needs charging. I only bring it out of hiding when I plan to play.
I agree with you on the car...
I'm not saying what is right for one may be for all... but think hard on each decision. A gym would not work for me since I don't go to a gym! I do have an extensive workshop & there are lots of hiding places.
Be careful out there,
skb
It all starts with having your own computer that your SO can't open because she doesn't know the code. Once you have that, you can set up an anonymous Gmail account that has no connection with your name or any other codes you use. Next comes a bank account. Today you can get a separate account with paperless statements that will go only to your anonymous Gmail account. Such accounts come with an ATM/Debit card that can be used to top off your hobby phone's minutes. The only possible hitch to this is if your SO is so suspicious that she demands the code to your computer. In that case, you can purchase a tablet computer for a couple of hundred bucks. They are small enough to hide easily. If you can't hide a tablet computer and a small hobby phone in your house, well, maybe you shouldn't be doing this. Or maybe you shouldn't be married. Re the computer, if worse comes to worst you can always use one at the public library.
-- Modified on 5/12/2011 7:07:46 PM
Dead on! Well stated. The money is not worth the dangers. Part of being an experienced hobbyist
is reading a situation and learning to just cut your losses.