I've only spent time with providers a handful of times (before discovering Eros and TER) it was all through word of mouth and most encounters became long term arrangements. This is a foreign but exciting world for me and after extensive research I finally took the plunge and have been very happy. However, I've come across a slight dilemma and was curious if anyone else has encountered a similar problem. I told myself I would only see 2-3 ladies and keep them on rotation in order to lower my std risk, law enforcement issues and all the other exciting dilemmas that come along with this world. I stupidly told each lady they were my ATF (I genuinely felt that way at the time) and I would only be seeing them while in my home state. Are they able to see my reviews and realize that is not the case? I didn't plan to replace them but each encounter keeps getting better and I cannot resist the temptation to see a new lady. I've also been seeing a wonderful woman who does not advertise and was recommended by a good friend. We have a wonderful relationship and have travelled extensively throughout the country. She is more of a girlfriend experience and together we've pushed our sexual limits and I've even helped her embrace some hidden fetishes. I foolishly shared with her my Eros/TER discovery and even went as far as offering to write her a review. She initially declined and I felt an odd sense of relief (still not sure why because I have no fantasy about what our relationship is) but last night she called me with a change of heart. She's created a website and even posted her first ad on Eros! Now she's decided to take me up on the review offer but I find myself not wanting to share her. I know things have been a little tough for her because she's recently started a small business and has decided to go back to school for her Master's so I feel a little guilty by not wanting to help her. Should I just give in and write the review? or is there a good excuse I can give as to why I shouldn't?
However, they can only read the general part of the review and can't read the juicy details unless they have limited VIP or full VIP. If you're benefiting by reading reviews before you see a provider, than it might not be a bad idea togive something back to the community be writing a review. However, some hobbyists feel they owe nothing to any other hobbyists and don't write reviews. If she has an ad on Eros and website, she will be discovered eventually and someone will write a review.
There are a number of hobbysists who do not give out their TER handle when they hobby. You can join P411 and accomplish this. .
There is never any reason to have to tell any gal you pay for sex that they are your one and only.
In any case, if all you told them is that they are your ATF (a term often used VERY loosely, by the way as many guys say [without a hint of irony] that they have many ATFs.) you should gently hint to them that you have seen (and continue to see) other gals as well.
It's either that or stick to just one gal, but I see that as antithetical to what this whole hobby is about.
One thing is for sure, the longer you let this fester, the worse it will get.
And yes, assume that all gals see everything on these sites.
Yes, it's normal not to want to share her.
Here's the thing. You opened the door when you offered to write a review. Now you need to man up and follow through. Unless you're willing to step up and support her financially, you should do what you can to help her support herself.
First, understand that your "2-3 ATF" are seeing many men. They are not sitting at home waiting for Hardseasailor to call them. They certainly do not feel guilty about seeing whom they wish to. Neither should you. The fact that you are struggling with your desire to see other ladies should not even be an issue. You are entitled to see whom you want to see and when you want to see them, without EVER feeling guilty or anxious about doing so.
Second, you have a MAJOR attachment issue with your the lady you are traveling across country with. What do you mean you don't want to share her??? You admit that you have "no fantasy about what your relationship is". So you understand that she is NOT your girlfriend and that you and she have a business relationship. Well, guess what? She is entitled to "DO BUSINESS" with whomever she wishes to. It is blatantly obviousl that you want more out of this relationship, because otherwise, why would you care about writing a review and introducing her to the rest of the hobbying world? If thats the case, and you want her to be your girlfriend and don't want to "share her", then ask her out on a regular civilian date. See where it goes. But if you want to keep the relationship as it is now (provider/client) than write the review like you said you would. She is free to see whomever she wishes and so are you. You CAN NOT have it both ways.
-- Modified on 2/21/2013 2:28:45 AM
You are PAYING these women for sex. You don't owe any of them any sort of explanation regarding your activities beyond the time that you are paying them for. As time goes by you may develop long-term relationships and more trust with some of these girls but that's not going to happen if you are lying to them from the get-go.
As far as your last question...WAKE UP!!! You can't keep any of these ladies for yourself. If she wants to be an escort she is going to be an escort-with or without your help. You offered to write a review for this woman so man-up and keep your word.
Guess what eventually happens to the ladies who have the gents who all have the mind-set of "I don't want to share her with anyone else".... they eventually stop providing. Yes, some guys get caught up in the illusion & do not want others to have the same experience they had, & thus,keep the encounter to themselves. But you do realize that this is what she does for a living. You stated yourself that she has just opened a business & is going back to school for her Master's... so she obviously needs some side income. If you don't "share" her, & others feel the same way, then eventually the lady might decide this is not for her, & retire. Then you won't even have her to "yourself" anymore.
This is just like any other business. If you are not making ends meet, then eventually you will seek income elsewhere.
Doing that, makes you selfish and not concerned about her well being. Unless you are going to pay ALL OF HER BILLS, you should help her to make money here...end of story. This is not match.com honey, it's fks for bucks. When YOU start paying her to be ONLY with you, then you earn the right to put demands on who she can see.
So if your goal is to keep it UTR, then realize that any girl can figure this out and see who else you are seeing from the reviews you write.
If you don't want to share a girl, then don't write a review about her.
If she is advertising, she is telling you she has no plans to be exclusive, either.
.....and tosses daddy to the curb or makes him get in line....sorry
The trust issue is no longer there for obvious reasons.
She's wised up and has chosen to not get "played" any longer....you go girl..!
This is how the SB SD thing usually plays out so be prepared.
~Peace & Love~
I hate reading posts like yours (which I did not read) that are one big long paragraph.
Swim
I've thought long and hard about your advice. I would like to apologize to the TER grammar police for my lack of consideration by not using paragraphs. I logged on from a mobile device and just wrote this on a whim. I would also like to thank the person who pointed out the use of an alias in order to avoid having issues in the future.
I had a candid conversation with her about how I felt and even went as far as showing her what I've written. She was slightly turned off by the graphic description and is considering not having a review (I guess it may work out for me after all). I genuinely want to help her but don't want to lose the special relationship we have by reading that she could possibly be doing the same things with other men. There is also the factor of people knowing she is an escort. I've taken her to business functions and various charity events where I am a board member. Do any of you also have similar concerns? Or do you typically keep the time spent as a one on one encounter in order to avoid any run ins with another client?
....to various events and venues, ust like you take your hooker...
Denial can be blinding, huh
-- Modified on 2/22/2013 10:25:45 AM
I really do hate posts or reviews that are just one big long paragraph, and usually will skip them. Short paragraphs are simply easier to read, at least for me. That's a bug with TER too, when you go to reply to a post, that post, for some unknown reason, is condensed into a single paragraph. So it's not just you.
When it comes to reviews, I use very little, if any, real graphic language in mine. In my early ones, I did use it, but as I wrote more, I decided to tone it down. As long as the story is told completely, the language doesn't matter, IMHO. You read my reviews, and you know what we did.
Swim
Of course she is going to be doing the SAME THINGS with other men...geez. If she wants to be an escort vs. ONLY being your sugar baby, that's the reality of it. No, she won't have to see 5 guys a week, but she will have to see someone to make up for the money YOU are not giving her.
I do not show my face anywhere on the internet and if she wants to protect her identity, neither should she. Yes, we are taken out to functions all the time...most of us don't charge by the half hour, or even the hour, so they are multi hour and multi day excursions at times. If the thought of reading about her being with other men, gives you the heebie jeebies, you might want to consider you're falling for this girl in a way that is not business related. Not much to advise you on about that fact, other than good luck.
Guys who get all caught up in women who are there for MONEY, either need to put up or shut up. If you want her to yourself, either pay ALL of her bills or marry her. You have no say in what she does beyond that.