I am looking for some advice. I have been thinking about using a provider for the first time. My dilemma is that I am married. I have been marrid for 7 years and have been faithful. I feel that the marriage is good but I am looking for a little variety.

All I want is some hot sex with a big breasted woman,( my wife is small and very conservative as far as sex goes0

What should I do?

Do some research and find a big breasted provider for some hot incredible sex .. and (maybe) feel guilty the rest of your life ... i do .....

-- Modified on 5/16/2003 4:35:53 PM

and therefore probably Catholic.

I think you should be ashamed of yourself. No I am not being hypocritical. I am not married. Until I do I can do what I want (I know there are some die hard christains that will vehemently disagree with me but I don't expect to find them on this board) as long as the sex is with an adult and mutually consentual.

In my opinion, as a married man you have four options:

1: Have sex with your wife despite her alledged shortcomings.
2: Abstain all together.
3: Masturbate
4: Divorce your wife, what you say the Catholic Church doesn't allow divorce? What is the churches current position on Adultery?

I think you need to be a man and respect your Vows.

I am sorry but I have a hard enough time maintaining a relation ship with a women. God is probably punishing me for the things my old man did behaind my Mom's back, (see previous thread. Consequently I have zero tolerance towards anyone, man or women who even thinks about cheating on their spouse or SO, much less does it. I suggest you go to confession and then go home and love your wife.

I will be experiencing my first time with a provider in a few weeks.  I am nervous as well but the anticipation is exhilirating.

I really have no idea about protocol or how to act.  I think I'll just try to be gentleman and see how things go from there.

Thanks for the advice Spinner, and I think you are right.
I have done a little checking and have found a few ladies with just the right assests to spend some time with.

I can't help it, I just a horny red blood male.
I an a little nervous about the first time though.

Brie Michaels, January, L J Montana, Amy Jordan, and I know there are countless others ... these may be a bit more mature and put your mind at ease .......... hobby safe hobby well hobby all you can be ........

Get off it. Caharmon....Throw your FLAMES somewhere else...Married, or not married...doesn't give you the right to feel self righteous...Monogamy isn't a natural state..no matter what your church says.!!! Making someone feel guilty for craving something that is natural, is just plain wrong..!! Shame on you...I believe most wives know their husbands hobby, but since it puts him in a better mood, saves her from having to deal with her guilt, for not taking care of his every need,(which is unrealistic) or not wanting to, she turns a blind eye. Variety is what us humans are about and trying to fight it, creates alot more problems than acting on it. Hobbying is much safer and more respectful to a marriage, than the office romances, the lounge/club one-night-stands, or the long term mistresses. Just because one partner doesn't need the same amount of intimacy in their life, as the other one, doesn't mean the desire goes away. It's like you, becoming a Vegetarian and then telling your partner,"Now you, can never eat meat, because I don't want to"...Is that fair...? Hobbying, doesn't mean he loves his wife any less, he is just becoming more intune with his natural desires, which I don't believe, any one person can satisfy, long range, for another person...Just look at the divorce rate...and people with multiple marrages..Plus, that's a hell of a responsibility to lay on another, the responsibility of meeting that partners every need and desire...a lesson in futility IMHO..So give this guy a break, if he's Catholic, he's dealing with more than his share of guilt anyway...

He asked for feedback regarding his issues. However, I think it only fair respond to what you regard as a "flame" which was anything but. I was being anything but self righteous.

Lets look at your reply, item by item:

1: "Monogamy isn't a natural state....".  I have heard this belief stated on more than one occasion. As you surmised, I disagree fore the following reasons. Although I am no scientist, pscychiatrist, sociologist, or cultural anthropologist, I have yet to see,read or hear of any qualified individual stepping forward and conclusively proving that Monogamy isn't natural. In addition Human kind is touted as the "Supreme life form of the universe". That being said, let me say this. If lower forms of animal life including certain species of birds such as the Crane practice absolute monogamy once they mate then  why is monogamy considered unnatural for us? Clearly it is not. Again,I don't have a problem if an individual, man or women alike,as long as that person is  single or unattatched, and that includes no spouse or so, goes out and sets the world on fire. But once you say those two little words, in the words of a good friend of mine "once you say those two little words you've danced your last dance, hang it up!" Frankly, and please don't read anymore into this than there is but I doubt you or any other successful providor would experience a drop off in business if you limited your practice to single people.

Finally, contrary to popular opinion, it is people that set policy in any religous organization. Today the majority of people beleive, that monogamy is the way to go.

I wasn't trying to make him feel guilty. I don't have that power over people unless they allow me to. I was merely reminding him of his ethical, moral, legal, and contractual, obligations.

In my opionion, anyone, man or woman(naturally he or she must be practice monogamy themselves) who condones their spouse, or so's infidelities is either a fool, or a gold digger, and shouldn't be married or attatched in the first place. Looking to one person and one person to fullfill all your needs is the epitome of a monogamous commitment and not only realistic but not unreasonable.

I agree to a point regarding your comment on variety. AS I have said before, I encourage any single individual to go out and "sow your oats". But ultimatly, the purpose of monogamy is that the individual,in question has looked around, and sampled a few, and checked out many looking for compatibility. Ultimatly choosing ONE! to settle down with.

Contrary to what you believe, I have observed several relationships ruined ruined by infidelities of all types, because he couldn't keep it in his pants, or she(it works both ways)wouldn't keep her legs closed.
If one partner is incapable of meeting the needs of the other than there is a time honored and ethical solution. Can you say "Divorce"? I know you can!

All in all, while I do feel for the guy(believe it or not)what he need is not a break but a swift kick in the ass to gain perspective, so he can get his shit together, and yes that may include getting a divorce so he can go out and find someone who can satisfy him.

By the way I'm Catholic, and as far as I am concerned Catholic(or for that matter Jewish) guilt is a bunch of bull.


 

Sorry...There are volumes on the fact that we were not created for monogamy..both biologicaly as well as emotionally. I am a Psycologist and I specialize in Intimacy Issues. I don't believe anyone has the right to choose for anyone else how they want to live their life, but please educate yourself.. Your thinking was programed into you, very early on, so your not responsible, however, your now an adult, so, before you preach to someone about a lifestyle, learn all you can about whether this is indeed the truth, or a doctrin you have been spoon fed. I have been researching this topic for many years and believe I have much more data to support my beliefs, than supports yours. So I recommend you open your mind and educate yourself if you care to know the truth, if not, continue to live in your misinformed fantasy state, believing in fables and fairytales...your choice...but please, don't try to make others feel guilty when they choose not to believe the same as you. peace & understanding, Robyn

Since you don't know me, I'll consider you the Typical "Alias" FLAMER...No Balls...

You're correct, I did leave off the "h", which has nothing to do with my credentials, but merely a lack of spell check on TER. Also one of the pit-falls of typing long posts, that involve trying to relay lots of information and typing way to fast. I'm sorry, that out of the intire post, you only focused on something negative...Hummmm....reveals something about you doesn't it..?

I don't think the Catholic church allows prostitution either, but you're doing it.  In fact, I'm sure you commit other sins every day.  We're all human, and, from time to time, we all commit sins.  Your way of coming to terms with your hobbying "sins" is through your belief that, as long as it is between two consenting adults, it does not offend your religion.  Manuel has his own way of coming to terms with his "sins", or, maybe he is not as religious as you.  Either way, you are in no position to judge him.  

.....and being the gentleman that I am , I'll not tell you my true feelings about you. Although I feel you truly enjoy punishment.

Jackass and coward would be more like it... What a negative, awful, hate filled person you are...Your to be pittied....Your SAD...  

-- Modified on 5/19/2003 8:06:01 PM

Silky, I thought your posts on this topic were very good, but you lost me on your exchange with rustproof.  How is he a hate filled person?  He made a joke, and all of the sudden he's a hate-filled person?  Don't be insecure, we all make spelling errors.  And, by the way, in your previous message, "your" actually should have been "you're", as in "you are" as proficient as a fourth-grader in spelling and grammar.

Why not get it into the open so that you can move on to something else. Talk about it Robyn, you'll feel better after you release these feelings.

Out of all the names you have celled me, the only one that comes close is Jackass.

Now on the other hand, I find your posts take on a mean spirited negative view of life that leads me to believe that inside you are truly sad and are repressing  some terrible emotions. So, just let it all out, you will feel better after you release all this anger and hatred for men that you are withholding.

Cite me some sources. Show me some evidence that you are right and I am wrong, specificaly (I may have incorrectly spelled that apparently you are a stickler for spelling), your contention that monogamy is not a natural state of being for humans.
I want scientific, "New England Journal of Medicine" type of treatises, not "Playboy", or "Penthouse" interviews with Masters and Johnson.
Time to fish or cut bait.

Please read these posts carefully...first of all..It wasn't me that had an issue with the spelling, but rather, HaywoodJablowme and Clamlick. Actually, it was my post that explained the lack of spell check on TER...Those that did make an issue to focus on that, would do well to clean their own back yards, before they criticize their neighbors. Next, I'm not trying to convince you or anyone of non-monogamy, since I don't have to. Facts are facts...I didn't dream it up...as I suggested before, do some research...Do a GOOGLE search...there are volumes on the subject of monogamy, look for yourself. Much of the data is from sources connected with the adult industry, that's true, but the majority is not.                                                        As for you Rustproof...You are just laughable..Just because I find you an ass, doesn't mean I am angry at anyone...Anyone who REALLY knows me, knows I'm a very positive, happy person. I may have an exceptioally strong sense of fairness and balance, but It doesn't mean I'm angry. As for men, I love real men, men with integrety, humility, and emotional strength, not the "Bottom Feeders" that attack others without knowing them, jumping in to flame( I believe it is you, that doesn't know what it means)even when no one is addressing them, just to get noticed and then slinking back into the cover of an alias, until they can strike again.

May I suggest the copy and paste function?  You could type out your misspelled message, copy it, paste it into Word, run spell check to fix all of your mistakes, copy again, then paste back into your message.  I think that many readers can benefit from what you have to say by becoming aware that even psychologists have major mental issues.

it's you who have the mental issues. Since you don't know me, you opinions on my mental state are null & void. Besides, if you don't enjoy my posts, my spelling, or my opinions, don't read them...but if making rude, hateful, ignorant posts, that add nothing whatsoever to the jist of the conversation here and trying to be witty while making a total ass out of yourself, makes your day, I say flame away..!!!

I just like getting on your nerves sometimes.  You're very opinionated and I like seeing what you come back with when you're mad. I also like it when you call people  "hateful"...turns me on.

You may have a low opinion of me for the things I've said, but I have no ill-will towards you...just having fun.

I am in a similar situation (married 3 years) and of course feel guilty (you'd have to be a complete asshole not to).  My wife is also quite conservative (she was a virgin (at 30) when we married) but the fact that I partake in this ``hobby'' reflects solely on my lack of character.  

For me the situation is that I love my wife and would not want to spend time with anyone else - but fucking a hot chick and spending time are two different things for me.  It just comes down to the fact that men (and many women) are usually not satisfied sexually with one partner -  

``Show me a beautiful woman and I'll show you a guy that's tired of fucking her''

Well, to answer your question.  Find a provider you are attracted to (I recommend one with good reviews) and when you meet her just act like you are on a first date (but one where you know your going to get laid).  Of course, don't come on too strong but make sure she knows what you want - she is there to accomodate your desires (within reason).  One of the sweetest and sexiest providers I've seen (gorgeous breasts) is Paulina of BDJ.

Best wishes and satisfy yourself (feel guilty afterwards).  Whatever you do, never tell your wife because you feel guilty - you alone should suffer accordingly (For me I just understand the way I am).  I hate when guys tell their partner because they feel guilty (they should tell their priest or whatever) - this only hurts her to make them feel better (ironical).

Thanks Spinner for the words of encouragement and the suggestions. Are you familiar with Score Magazine? Thats what I am looking for as far as a  provider goes.
I really got some heavey guilt laid on me by that one dude, I guess he is without sin or one of those people who never really look hard in the mirror.

I never said I was perfect. As a matter of fact I DO look at myself in the mirror(figuratively and literally)everyday. I am not without sin Manuel, but I have never, and will never do what you are doing. If and when I ever marry(and it doesn't look  like I ever will), I can guarantee you that I will stop what little hobbying I do now.  Like I said, I don't have the power to make you feel guilt, I can only tell you what I think. If you felt any guilt, all I can say is great!, but it wasn't my doing. My last word on this subject: If you don't care about your wife, than think about your kids. My Dad screwed around behind my Mom's back their entire marriage. He even left a kid behind when he was in South Korea in the Service. All I can say is that it fucked me up big time. Now I know Robyn will say I'm full of shit but I really think you should look at what you are doing.

and after I have this last say, I am going to burn my soapbox.

Having said that, let just say that this board (as well as the others on this site) are geared towards informing others of relevant information much of which (with the possible exception of the Legal Board)is based on personal opinion. I have come under a lot of fire recently because I replied to an inquiry discussed above in a rather passionate manner. The prevailing reaction was to tear me a new asshole for expressing myself. The general response to my reply was basically how dare I force any kind of moral judgment on the person seeking advice.  

Well let me just say this, just because this guy comes to us whining like a little kid asking Mommy and Daddy for permission to do something he knows deep down he shouldn't do, doesn't mean I am going to co-sign what he does.

I to have asked for non-legal type advice on two seperate occasions. Both generated a significant amount of responses. One was responded to in a courteous rational manner. The other was responded to in a similar fashion as this. All I can say is that this guy needs a swift kick in the ass, not the warm and fuzzy some of you suggest. He accused me of causing him guilt, you know what?, while, contrary to what you may think, I am a very laid back and tolerant person, if I under these circumstances have caused him guilt all I can say is GOOD!!!. If I ask for help, I will keep in mind that perhaps there are those who have a derogatory opinion. This happened in my post. You know what I did? I was a man (although I enjoy sex as much, if not more than anyone else, a measure of a man is not measured by the size of his Dick, or how many partners he has had), and confronted my critics. It is significant to note that the individual in question has not had the balls to confront me personally. What he has been doing is hiding behind Robyn's skirts and letting her speak for him.

Well, unfortunatly, I am powerless over people, places, and things. People are going to do what they want, regardless who it hurts.

In light of the above, I have decided the following.
No one is going to convince me I am wrong, and I finally realized that I am not going to convince anyone of my position either. Therefore, since I enjoy this site and I do not wish to alienate the rest of the members any more than I all ready have, I have decided the following. I will no longer express my view on this topic unless specifically asked to do so. For the record, this is something I don't honestly expect to happen. As far as this issue is concerned, while I have made my feeolings known, I hereby agree to disagree, and cease discussing any more about it immediatly. Absent the staff of TER revoking my posting priveleges, I reserve the right to comment on, and post original issues in the future. I promise to tone down my passion.

Finally, just in case anyone asks, no one at TER demanded that I post this.

In conclusion, although I may disagree on some level with many of you, I truly do bear no one any ill will, and I wish onky the best to anyone who hangs out here, Hobbyist or Providor. We both want to play the game, there is only a slight disagreement regarding the rules. In the end I realize what I think doesnt matter. so with that in mind I bid you all good night and good sex.

Manuel take care.  Caharamon I'm sorry you had a bad childhood or at least a terrible father.  BUT MANUEL IS NOT YOUR FATHER (are you Manuel ?). Also, screwing a good looking girl (who is out of your league) for an hour is not having an affair.  We are not talking about having relationships (you are not screwing your secretary, your wifes girlfriend, or your sister-in-law).

For many guys having sex is just having sex.  You don't need to have hour long phone conversations with the girl (save the 5 min. to make the appt.).  You cut directly to the chase - 1 hour, few $ and you get what you want.

That's it.

Hopefully you like the girls, but that doesn't mean you have feelings for them.  If you do, then maybe something emotional is missing with your wife - in which case I agree with caharmon that it is wrong and you are hurting your family.

p.s.  I don't consider your original question to be whinning as our compassionate caharmon put it (where's the love ???).

I respect your view on this subject and I know that you are entitled to your opinion, and in the end I will do what I want to do no matter what anybody says or thinks of me or my actions.

Thanks llcar, and no I am not his Father.
I feel the same way that you do. I just want to have some no-strings attached sex with a hot woman. I just want the sex nothing else. No emotional ties or relationships. Just the sex that I pay for.

standing up to me instead of letting someone else speak defend you. You are absolutly right you are going to do what you want. I just hope you wake up and smell the coffee before its too late.

p.s whatever you do please use a condom, unless you have decided to abstain from sex with your wife. While the overwhelming majority of providors are clean, there are a few who aren't. I know, I caught the clap on two occcasions. Your wife doesn't deserve that.

Defend myself is what I am all about, like I said before I do what I want. You apparently think way to much of yourself.
this is my final word to you.

Lets talk about the legal aspect now.
OH! silly me; There is no legal aspect thanks to "irreconcileble differences".

 At one time infidelity was one of the three legal as well as a spiritual reason for divorce. Now having morning breath is a legally justifiable reason for a divorce.

 So whether Manuel217 is totally faithful or not his wife can decide she wants out at any o'l time for any o'l reason  and have him pay for it.
This sad simple fact totally undermines the arguments for "doing what is RIGHT" and promotes "doing what you WANT".

  It's all about the money.

    Cm

Right On Brother!

Honey just go for it. Your not cheating if you pay for it...Get it. It's a service.

caharmon, I think you need to lighten up.  It's only sex dude.  I'm a single guy, but even I know there's so much more to a marriage then mere sex.  Some need it, some don't.  Point blank.  I can't believe my man ask such a question, one of which I personally would have avoided, but the question is valid.  I don't think this is the type of advice he was looking for.  The man already knows about EVERYTHING you offered.  It's content represents simple text book analogy.  If we think all the providers that we solicit are single, we are dreaming.  I would be willing to bet that providers make the majority of their $$$ from married men and or women by far.  Quite frankly, I don't believe this is a church related hobby and if you feel that strongly about it, maybe you should give it up.  No soap box performances please.  I, as a happy hobbyist, and devoted user of this board for vital hobby information, would appreciate it if we could offer assistance to each other, if applicable and comprehensive, and skip all the drama.  But, that's merely my opinion.  And with that...Happy Hunting to ALL....EOM.

hey caharmon, I got an idea for you... Stop analyzing everything and get some fucking balls.