Here's a post by pleasureglans which rings so true! Ingrain all these facts in your little noggins and you should have no problems in this hobby of ours!

First realize they are providers. It's all an act, they are opportunists who can play a man like a fiddle! They are better about making you feel good in every single way than civvie girls and you will think "this is special" while you get more and more drawn in.

They will tell you, "I only do 'this' with you, nobody else," but the truth is they will do 'this' with anybody who will pay for it. Those times she is busy with "cousins/sister/brother/child/sick pet" and can't see you is really when she has a client booked and she want's the money. If you were in a real "relationship," she would want you to be with her during those times.

Bottom line....is she fucking you for free or are you picking up all or part of her living expenses?

Don't fall into the illusion they create. It's an illusion and while they may actually enjoy the time they spend with you for a variety of reasons, it's an illusion, pure and simple! They are most likely working someone else the same way.

Have fun in the fantasy they are so good at creating, but NEVER think it is anything other than that.

Sounds extremely familiar ..

I can actually put very precise dollar amount of what hobbyist - provider "love" has cost me in terms of lost income during the time we had dated and loss of future earnings and it ain't small chunk of change.

Never again. Not unless at the very minimum one year's worth of average earnings in deposited into an escrow account.

I saying that was often used on the EH board, descirbes the malady.

Give me a fucking break.  Would it be more comfortable for you for her to just tell you the truth... "honey, my car payment is due next week and I need the money.  John a good reg of mine is in town tonight and I'm going to spend the evening with him."  She's an escort.  This is how the bills get paid, the food gets put on the table, the clothes get bought, kids school gets paid for, etc.  You (can be any idiot hobbyist) get involved with an escort - you know she's an escort and then expect her to give up her lifestyle and financial independence....  wtf.

I've seen this play out multiple times with three different providers and it always winds up being a disaster.    

Yeah, I'm that asshole regular that your girlfriend emails, calls up or texts when she's running out of funds and patience with a guy who made promises to "help her" but didn't really know or understand what he was committing himself to and now can't keep up.   The asshole who puts up with an ATF venting about a boyfriend that doesn't want her to work but can't really help her transition to another career either.  

I used to feel sorry for the unknowing BF who is getting "played" in these situations.  I USED TO, not anymore.  Not after finally really paying attention and listening to the escorts involved in the situations.  

Here's my view.

Escort meets hobbyist and they hit it off.  There is chemistry and feelings start to develop between them.  Pretty soon, they are seeing each other off the clock and then quickly dating.  The HOBBYIST knows this girl is an escort.  Hell, that's how he fucking met her.  But now that they are in a "relationship" suddenly he doesn't like the idea of her being an escort anymore.  She should be spending her time with him, not with all those loser hobbyists.  BF pushes the ATF to quit working, to break contact with the guys she regularly saw.  The ATF is in love and doesn't want to lose the guy.  The BF starts making promises... I'll help with your rent, I'll help with your expenses, I'll help you find a legit job.... etc.  The ATF agrees...

EXCEPT the BF doesn't really understand her situation.  The BF doesn't truly understand how much money the ATF turns and burns each week.  Oh, he might think he knows.  The ATF might have even given him a number but she couldn't tell him the truth... couldn't let him know how many guys she REALLY sees during the course of a typical week.  So when the BF promises to help with her expenses he really doesn't understand the commitment he just made.

What blows my mind is don't these BF's know how to do some simple budgeting and math?!?   For fuck's sake guys, lets take a look at what the ATF is going need, what the BF just committed himself to helping with.  

Expensive townhouse in trendy community - rent
Expensive BMW, Mercedes, etc - car payment & car insurance
Expensive private health insurance coverage
Expensive private school for the kids
Family Gym memberships
Clothes - her and the kids
etc..
etc.

Now sure, some expenses can be cut.  BUT.. the lease is for a year, she doesn't want to public school her kids, she can't sell the car for enough to pay off the loan, she need medical insurance, etc... etc.

But you, the dumbass BF promised you'd "help".  What does that mean exactly?  Are you going to pay all her expenses, some of her expenses... did you really have an open and honest discussion about this before making that commitment?  

Now neither of my favorite providers are dumb girls.  They both have good degrees.  So they could go out and look for a "legit" job.  Good degrees with not much work experience and a hard to explain hole in their employment history add up to an entry level job if they are lucky.  An entry level job that has a set schedule, 40+ hours per week, benefits that may not start until they’ve been there 6 months, and doesn’t pay nearly as much as escorting.  With today’s job market though, they would both be more likely to get part time jobs that don’t pay shit.

The times I’ve seen this play out the ATF usually really does try to make it work, at least at first.  She stops advertising and deletes contact info, starts applying for jobs, and makes the attempt.  The BF tries to help but remember he really doesn’t know how much money she is used to turning and burning through in a week.  So she keeps things going by drawing on her savings for awhile, hoping to find a good job and make the relationship work.  

As the savings accounts start to dwindle she starts asking the BF for more and more help, and he tries but he either won’t or can’t give the amount she really needs to meet her expenses.  The BF pressures her to cut more expenses and maybe she does.  But with each cut in spending she makes, she’s reminded of the lifestyle that is giving up for this guy.  Starts to feel like he doesn’t really understand, starts to feel some resentment build up inside of her.  

“He promised he’d HELP me..”, I’ve heard that from 3 different escorts in these situations and multiple times from one lady in particular… but he either can’t or just won’t dole out what she really need to make ends meet.  

Usually there is some crisis point that pushes the girl back to working.  Maybe rent is due and he can’t help, or she starts to suspect that he’s in contact with other girls, or her daughter got sick and racked up medical bills, or she doesn’t have enough money to buy the gifts she wants for her kids Christmas, or any number of personal events.

So what does she do?  

I’ll tell you.  She calls me.

Oh, she deleted all those contacts from her phone?  Yeah, but she kept a backup contact list hid deep in her computer.  Oh, she shut down her work email account?  Yeah, but beforehand she forwarded the good regulars info to another account.  

I’m the fucking asshole the dumbass BFs fear and hate.  I’ll help, for a price and sometimes just to help.  I’ll listen and let her vent about the current fucked up situation she’s in, and then I’ll coax things along and get what I’m paying for.  I, and others like me, are how she’s making rent and the car payment despite the BF falling down on is commitment to “help”.  Chances are I’ll still be in her contact list long after the current BF has been deleted.  

My advice to a newbie getting into a relationship with a provider – don’t.  If you do get involved realize she was an escort when you met and she’s going to mostly likely be an escort long afterward.  If SHE truly wants to change, help her but realize it takes open honest communication and a plan a real PLAN to transition out of escorting, not fucking vague promises to “help”.  

I absolutely agree with you and I have to say: until we are married (yeah, right!) a regular client will always come before a boyfriend hopeful! ALWAYS!

I'm sorry if this is obvious but the tone of OP's post makes me say this... For anyone who feels that they are "dating" an escort I ask you: DOES SHE KNOW THAT??? Because I've had two guys in the last year sort of decide that we were dating, and I was not aware of that for weeks, except for the annoying calls and texts and emails that kept coming at all hours of the day and night... Men who live in a fantasy world have very sensitive egos, so I had to slowly distance myself. I had to disappear for a weekend or two, so they would eventually realize what was going on. Keep that in mind before complaining about your "relationship" with your "escort girlfriend".

The difference between your post and the OP's post is one thing: the aspect of 'feelings', be it 'love' or what-have-you on the part of the provider.

The OP's post speaks of a situation where the guy is getting played. There are allusions to multiple BF's. If that wasn't the OP's intent, then I raise the point myself: your stories are well and good, but you speak of a well-intentioned provider with genuine feelings.

Many of the stories about relationships with providers that get posted around here and have gentlemen saying they feel "destroyed" or "have lost faith" in humanity are quite different. These aren't individuals that state "I tried so hard to make it work, but in the end I didn't have the money to support all her habits." It's usually something along the lines of "I felt lied to, cheated, etc." Your post leaves no room for the alternative: coaxing a person to help, or taking advantage of someone's offer to help.... Obtaining multiple levels of support, etc.

If I have any advice to give, it's simply this: look up what the PCL-R is. Read literature, and try to look for the signs. To counter the impression of a well-intentioned provider, I submit for your review my link to a certain song. I'm not saying that all such relationships are this way... I am simply pointing out that many are (which is the same thing as saying some are).

I'm 21 years old, but i'm pretty sure i've been in your situation where i have to sit through possibly a stripper/escort/etc all talking bout there ex boyfriend who are either controlling or previously was a hobbyist and later thought they were in a relationship. I have to say when i was seeing my ATF stripper i thought a feeling was developing, but i always reminded myself there is no way i'm going to put up with her profession and I'am so young that i can't provide her and I by myself. It's amazing how majority of these men who are older and supposidly more wiser then me can fall for it so easily. Well put sir and providers I can't beg you enough.. sometimes you have to be extremely blunt even if that means losing that client..... because you don't want that drama haha because more than likely they will come back and if you decide to see them be on the guard!

A relationship with a provider rarely works...  there are exceptions...  but be really skeptical.  
They may truely like you, have a good time with you.   But there are many obsticles to a retiring a provider.  I have seen a few retire...  or take time off...  for a relationship.  I wish them only joy & happiness & wish it could have been with me.  From time to time, months or even years later...  a former provider may return to the business.  
There are many threads on this if you look back.
H

Your comments are well taken but you completely missed my point! I was simply warning Newbies not to get lulled into thinking that the illusions created by a "GREAT" provider are nothing more than a fantasy!

When will you guys realize this...How many other guys fall for her, just like YOU did.

Stop thinking with the LITTLE head and realize what they do for a living, they are all about the BENJAMINS weather you like it or not.

Spend an extended period of time with one, and you will see that YOU will pay for everything, no matter what it is they need or where you go. If you are with them and there is a bill due they will ask you to pay it, no matter how minimal it is, no matter what store you are at with them, they will expect you to pay, even if its for their biz supplies i.e. condomes etc etc.,  it is just the nature of the BIZ, get it?? BIZ...strictly business.

WAKE UP and smell the roses men, and be a real MAN and think with the BIG head !!!
It is a known FACT that men fall in love TWICE as quickly as women...FYI

A escort is not necessarily a bad person, and there are obviously escorts who marry after LEAVING their profession. Key word ... LEAVING !!!

But remember, escorts are professionals in dealing with men. They know how to please, it's their job. You only get to see the facade, the great sex, the great service, the comments and gestures that are meant to make a man happy and hopefully make him come back again. A steady existing customer is a very good source of income for a escorts, much better than trying to find new ones.

1. "...opportunists who can play a man like a fiddle! "

You have free will. Though a highly intelligent and very widely read provider may be able to shift the odds in her favor, she cannot override your free will. She is, of course, being paid expressly for her ability to "play a man like a fiddle," so this is hardly an objectionable ability.

As for being "opportunists" ... well, I hardly see this as being unique to providers. Some people of all sexes and occupations are opportunists and some are not. Most providers are providing a service. If there were no demand, they would be out of business. Do not on one hand provide that demand and then on the other accuse them of being opportunists for meeting your requirement.

2. "They are better about making you feel good in every single way than civvie girls ..."

Ridiculous. A "9" on performance is "I forgot it was a service" which means that providers with a 9 as an average score are as good as a really good civie. Those providers who consistently give a "once in a lifetime" experience and therefore exceed the abilities of better civie girls are RARE.

Think of it this way. By definition, half of all providers are below median. Half are above median. And only 1%-2%, depending upon how you would define it, are the sexual equivalent (and therefore likely the intellectual equivalent as well) of "geniuses."

I will grant you that if you look at some of the cream-of-the-crop providers they ARE better then civies in every single way. And they SHOULD be -- given what they charge. It's a fair trade. Sex is their *profession* and they study how to be the very best. This is hardly a negative attribute!

3. All the rest of what you say may, indeed, apply to a given individual provider with whom you have dealt (though I would be interested in her side of the story), but absolutely does NOT apply across the board. It is very much dependent on the individual character of the provider and boyfriend in question and the specifics of their relationship.

Because every person is an individual and should be judged on his/her own merit rather than as a member of a class (e.g. black/white/male/female/provider/hobbyist/banker/lawyer/etc.) it seems to me you are painting with an extremely broad brush.

4. Just as a certain percentage of ANY group of people are users, narcissists, psychopaths and emotional vampires; you will find some providers (and hobbyists incidentally) who are also users, narcissists, psychopaths and emotional vampires. The fault, to an extent, is not theirs. It is largely how their brain is configured and they can help it no more than they can help the color of their eyes. Rattlesnakes WILL bite. They just are what they are. The key is to recognize and avoid them.

It is YOUR job to look beyond the superficial and to look beyond the words in order to narrow things down to bare essentials and understand the underlying character of the persons with whom you deal. It is YOUR job to exercise judgment and initiative in order to protect your enlightened self interest.

Yes, by all means, those who are bad eggs are culpable. But as bad eggs ARE recognizable once we look at the inconsistencies, we do not surrender responsibility for our own self defensive judgment.

Certainly, a hard dick makes it hard to exercise sound judgment. But it doesn't make it impossible.

5. The problem is not "providers." The problem is SOME providers, hobbyists, doctors, lawyers, Indian chiefs, etc. Instead of vilifying an entire group of people, it would be wiser to learn to identify the bad eggs.

6. Never forget there are two sides to the equation. It is wrong to expect a person to surrender something of value in exchange for no meaningful compensation. Do not expect a woman to give up her profession when you are providing her no means of paying her bills otherwise. This has nothing to do with materialism, but is rather a practical reality of keeping a roof over one's head.

7. Granted, you will disproportionately find what could be called "materialistically high maintenance" women within the ranks of providers. Certainly, believe it or not, MOST providers aren't like that. But quite a few are. Still, you will find very much the SAME phenomenon within certain circles of civie women. When I dated in civie life, I found it much easier to get dates when driving a luxury car and handing out business cards that said CEO than when driving a beat up old van and handing out cards that said Janitor. It amused me to no end.

DO keep in mind that what you catch for fish depends on where you are fishing and what you use for bait. If you go fishing on the Gulf coast and use chum for bait, don't come whining when a shark comes calling.

This girl thinking she is going to be taken care of really thinks she is going to be taken care of, but isn't. You can be a whore hater just because your girlfriend chose paying her rent over kissing your ass. I have been duped by a hobbyist and want to smack him in the head. Lies...the whole time. I wasn't the liar. I can't be a hobbyist hater or I wouldn't be able to pay my bills. Just hate shitty people and sadly, keep your guard up. Stay where you are and pay for sex. I know I will stay where I am and stick to only being paid for sex. ....um..I mean..companionship. The heartache in between and all through isn't worth it either, but when is it, really?

yeah..I'm still angry.

You've heard the saying "It's a pleasure doing business with you?" Well, for escorts, "It's a business doing pleasure with you".

Every time my eyes....and heart!....starts to see the lines get blurred, I remember that statement. Somehow it brings me back to reality.

How about posting some links to some reviews? I'd love to meet a lady who could make me feel that way, even if only for an hour or two!