But here is one piece of advice my therpists gave me that worked for me and can work for you:

When you stop standing in line for women, they will start standing in line for you.

I am in  my mid 30's and all my sexual experiences have been with only providers. I am introverted and have a speech impediment which made it terrifying for me to ever talk to women. Anyways I am working on all that and have made great improvements thanks to the confidence hobbying has given me!

So now I go on dates with civies, but I have yet to initiate any action, i.e cuddling, making out etc. With providers I just lay down  the envelope then take charge with what I want to do. Does the same approach work with civies, i.e just do what you like or wait for them to show them sign ? I even bought an expensive dating book, "Double your dating" . It seems to say women like it when you are bold. But I still have some mental blocks that make me very afraid of rejection if I try something... Also my friends say always use wine/alcohol . With providers I am always sober, but do you agree alcohol is a pre-req. for civie fun?

You have a fairly complex question there.  An experience with a civi is going to be a whole lot different than with a hooker.  Your dating, so that's step one taken care of.   Don't just do what you want tho like you do with a provider or you may destroy a friendship, a relationship, and a reputation.  A hooker knows exactly why she is there, she knows exactly why you are there, and both of you know what's going to happen.  None of that is true with a regular civi relationship - at least not at the beginning.  Look for signs, like kissing, her touching you, rubbing up against you, leaning on you, stuff like that and then just kind of go with the flow.  If it seems like things are warming up, touch her in a non-sexual way and see how she responds (like touch her shoulder or forearm or something like that).  Then you just kind of have to go with the flow and see what happens.  If it's a second date or after, a good way to start out at the very beginning is to give her a little hug and a little peck on the cheek and say something along the lines of "wow it's so great to see you again, I've been looking forward to spending time with you all day....."

Bottom line is that with regular civi relationships, there are no specific rules or guidelines.

And about the alcohol, that is for the woman - alcohol reduces peoples inhibitions and women tend to do things when they've been drinking that they might not due sober.  

Good luck - it's one of those things that we all go through.

First, never ever never ever never tell any civvie woman that you have seen prostitutes.  Don't.  Not for any reason.  I know a lot of women, and lots of prostitutes, and not even sex workers think, deep inside, that guys who hire prostitutes are super desirable.  People here will argue, because we don't like to admit we all share a turn-off bad habit like picking our nose and eating it or farting wet ones in bed, but we do.  It's not a bragging point.  So even though this hobby is a big part of your life and might seem relevant, do not ever tell a girl what you've done.

Second, remember that civvie dating and hiring prostitutes are totally different.  Civvie dating is not free prostitution, and the best GFE is never civvie dating.  Guys here get this confused all the time, because we're all sort of wrapped up in the hobby and somewhat delusional.  But don't be deluded.  Hiring prostitutes has certain benefits (and problems); civvie relationships have an entirely different set of benefits (and problems).   They are not the same.  Do not expect civvie dating to be like your experiences with prostitutes.  You cannot buy a civvie girl dinner and chat about your job and family and then suddenly grab her tit and expect her to moan and grab your crotch and suck your dick.  It doesn't work that way.  The premise of the encounter is totally different.

When you hire a sex worker, you both know exactly why you're there.  When you date a civvie, you are exploring, together, a vast set of possible relationships.  You might hate each other, you might become nonsexual pals, you might become best friends, you might become fuck buddies.  Who knows?  Nobody.  THis is your source of stress, I think.  And it's reasonable.  If only we could read her fucking mind and see what she's thinking, what she wants!  But we can't.  And remember that she can't read your mind either.  Thus...  Communication is key.  Gentle testing is key.  If you find her attractive, say so.  Be specific.  But polite.  In general, things she has control over are best, because she will take pride in her work.  If she dresses great, say so.  If she has a great figure and you know she works at it, say so.  If her hair is done really nicely, say so.  EVERYONE compliments the eyes.  But so what?  You're basically complimenting her parents on breeding well and maybe her for not poking them out with a fork as a kid.  It's better to praise HER.  Find out what she's worked hard on, what she's proud of, and if you admire it (and ONLY if you honestly admire it), then say so. And say why.  This rule works, even if it gets you into counterintuitive situations.  I have known girls with boob jobs that are tremendously proud of them.  They love hearing that they have nice tits, which of course is otherwise something that would normally get you punched in the face for saying.  

Along those lines, if you would like to sit closer to her, or hold her hand, do so.  Here it gets a little tricky, because women do indeed like bold men.  So you don't want to be asking like a sad little puppy every time you want to touch her.  Just do it.  But maybe prep the ground a bit before hand, or do it in an unselfish way.  "I love the way your hair falls along your face like that" (and gently brush her hair aside.)  "Are you cold?"  (And snuggle closer or grab her hand.)   Look at her.  I mean really look at her.  Talk to her.  I mean really talk to her.  Eventually, when the moment is right, you will know what to do.

...but yea, the advice about the booze is OK too, if you really need it.

Third, why are you asking this question here?  You should be reading the Heartiste.