I am asking these questions here because I have found that providers don't seem to want to talk about any of this ahead of time which leaves me with some unknowns and feeling more nervous then I maybe need to. I am a pretty shy guy when it comes to one on one with a lady. I lived on a boat till almost out of high school and had no interaction with people my own age. Then I married pretty young after getting off the boat. As a result not very experienced or very comfortable with some things. Or at least not as comfortable as those who do this often are.

For example, for me kissing is extremely intimate and something I can not easily do. In a first meeting (and maybe not till 3rd or 4th) I may not feel comfortable with it. I also have never been a fan of DATY. Would not wanting to kiss and not wanting to DATY be a problem for a provider? My logical brain tells me I am being an idiot. That I am paying for an experience for me not her. But I can not help but keep her interests in mind. It is just natural for me. And my emotional brain worries that she will tag me as a client she doesn't  like to see.

For me the reason I am looking into these experiences is that my personal life lacks intimacy. I am going on these dates looking for intimacy more then an exotic experience. Obviously not confused about the nature of the relationship and the intimacy will be a fleeting thing. But, still that is what I lack and what I am looking for. So a great date for me will be with a lady who shows interest in me, can lead and help me to feel comfortable, loves to touch and be close, but is ok if I am not comfortable at first with kissing and probably never DATY.

In any case. I am at a loss as to how this will go over with a good provider. I have seen a couple relatively inexperienced young girls and found that to not be a good setup for me. They are often not very aggressive and are almost as shy as I am which just makes the whole thing awkward.

Will providers be accepting and good with this setup? And how and when do I fill them in on what I like and do not like?

1. I'm pretty much the same way. Very shy and had only "been" with one woman (my current wife) before I started the hobby. So all this was a VERY big deal for me when I first started and I was a nervous wreck, lol. Its gotten much better though and I have gained confidence, though still pretty shy, especially around the more attractive providers I've been with (its just my nature I guess).

2. I enjoy kissing and take as much of it as I can get from a provider. However, since Im such a shy guy I always let the girl initiate the first kiss. About half the providers I've been with have initiated, the other half havent (and thus we went the whole session with no kissing). So kissing is hit or miss, at least for me. Point is, if you dont want to kiss, its fine and Im sure no provider will hold that against you. Same goes for DATY. Some dont even allow it, but all should understand if thats not your thing. I 'used' to be a fan of DATY until I got a few stanky ones in a row, so now Im afraid to get my face even near them in fear of that happening again. Although, one provider I was with recently restored a bit of my faith in the act as she tasted absolutely amazing. Could have dined her all day (at the A and the O). Remember, first and foremost, the providers are getting paid to please YOU. Yes we try to please them back as much as we can (and some really get into that), but to be frank we are there paying for a service and MOST providers are there to do what you want them to.

3. A good provider will listen to your wants, needs, and desires and do everything she can to accommodate you and make sure you're comfortable. The hard part is just finding the good providers who will do that from the bad providers who are just there to suck you off and kick you out the door. Comes with the territory but TER sure makes it easier.

My two cents. Not sure if it helped or not.

First of all, you shouldnt do anything you feel uncomfortable doing. Providers have limits as to what they will do and you can too. If I were you, I would chose more experienced ladies that are highly reviewed. They have a tendency to be more understanding and have had more experiences and know how to handle your particular case. The DATY thing will not be an issue. Kissing will be more of an issue as many women, especially those that pride themselves on being GFE like to excell in this area for they think the gent really wants this and it also helps them with foreplay to get um....moist and ready for you, although obviously there are other ways to accomplish that. Be open and honest, after you have been verified. Personally I would mention it during the "pre-game" chit chat session. I honestly dont think many experienced providers will have an issue with your request. Good luck.

This is so amazing to me....no kiss or no DATYequals no return visit. I've often thought I'd gladly pay for ten minutes of making out with a great kissing and great looking lady every day

He - the client - is the one who is not comfortable with kissing and DATY.

Now if you are just commenting that you find it amazing that he is the one not comfortable with the intimacy that's one thing, but to me it sounded like you were dinging him on picking ladies who didn't offer what he was looking for.



-- Modified on 12/30/2012 4:17:07 PM

Just to clarify, I do like to kiss, but it is for me far more intimate then sex. If the provider turns out to be very very good at what she does and is able to ease me into it well and the environment is right (low or no light with intimate cuddling. Maybe under the covers in bed in a dark room) then I will be receptive is she leads. I dont have much experience with it though so will be nervous about performance. This goes to what I said though about being after the intimacy more then anything and so if they are really good at that then the kissing doesn't have to be out. I will just probably freeze up if they answer the door with an attempted DFK

Just read the reviews.  While I understand your predicament, I have to tell you are really missing out on a wonderful experience by not wanting to do much kissing.  I sincerely hope you can overcome this.  I suggest you stick with more mature providers, as they are generally more likely to be able to help you with this.

As far as the DATY aspect, it has been said that she is there to please you, not the reverse, so if you don't want to partake, it shouldn't be an issue for her.  I guess I've been lucky, not having any unpleasant dinings thus far.

Swim

-- Modified on 12/30/2012 4:45:31 PM

So be honest with her. Like in any other service industry, a good provider would like you to come back. Provided your respectful and you envelope is full...lol

You will get more seasoned as time goes on. I would usually say find the one or two you like and stick to it...but in your case, I might suggest more variety. Lack of socialization as a kid can be overcome with exposure as an adult. My opinion...you will be just fine after a bit, and you will get over your limitations. Like many of us, you may even try to push your limits as time goes on. (You don't know you'll like it unless you try.)

If intimacy is what you crave, then kissing should be just what the Doctor ordered. Set up longer first time dates. Start with dinner, and get to know the lady through conversation first. That should help a bit.

As for DATY...please forgive me for stepping out of line here but...learn to eat pussy. Learn to do it well, and learn to love it (or at least learn to act like you do) This will help you out, if you ever hope to maintain a Long Term adult relationship in the civie world. As women get older, they want generous lovers, not selfish ones. Make no mistake, a cock is ugly, and unless just out of the shower, just as unpleasant. Our juice tastes gross to many women, just like theirs can to some guys...but they will still give you a BJ because they know you like the sensation. Return the favor. If its that big a deal, ask the lady to join you in the shower. A nice erotic shower is great foreplay, and an even better way to get rid of malodorous scents.

Just my .02

He is the customer. He is paying for her services. Customers shouldnt be made to feel uncomfortable if they dont want to. If he doesnt want to kiss or DATY, or he wants to wait a few dates for that, whats wrong with that? Some guys want a BBBJ while others insist it being a CBJ. To each his own. Its his money, its his business.

You are who you are and you've at least taken the time to figure out what you are looking for.  I think one place I would start would be with more mature providers.  I think they might have a better idea for how they can be more aggressive (sounds like  something you need), but at the same time, respecting your wants/needs.  For lack of a better way of putting it, they might know better how to run the show and still make it an experience that you want.  

Also, I'd be honest about your personality when you introduce yourself.  There is nothing wrong with saying you're on the shyer side and looking for someone who is comfortable with that.  Experienced ladies know get it.....and if they say they will see you, you know they do so understanding where you are coming from (unless it's some gal who charges peanuts and doesn't care who she sees).

You can also get a feel for a lady's personality in their reviews.  If she is consistently seeing guys who want 3 pops and the reviews indicate non-stop sex, that probably isn't for you.  Maybe look for the ladies who see 1 pop guys who also enjoy 15-30 minutes of cuddle or massage time.  There are plenty out there.  

It's your buck.  You get to decide how the session goes (within her limits, of course).  If you want touching/groping with limited kissing and then traditional sex, you will find providers who will be just fine with it.  You won't need to make them cum 5 times.  

As for specific wants, wait until you meet her to talk about that.  But you should have a great idea about what she is comfortable with by doing research.

If you are respectful gent with good hygiene, you will be just fine.  

Lastly, read a LOT of the threads on the newbie board.  There is great information here.

If you tell her you are on the shy side when you contact her.....AND you know she's not the type to attack a client the minute they walk in the door (reviews will help here), then you will be just fine.  You'll have a chance to sit down and talk a bit and then you can tell her about your comfort level with kissing, etc.  And be completely honest.

I don't think that is quite what he meant. Least that isn't what I got out of it. I think in the case of DATY he suggested that I learn to get used to it not for the "hobby" but for future real relationships. I can understand that. In regards to kissing he makes the point that if intimacy is what I want then kissing should be something I would want in the long run. I agree with that. It is just in the beginning that it will be hard for me to do I am sure. I don't have an issue with it for germaphobe reasons or because I think it is gross in principal. Rather I have very little experience with kissing and have never even had a relationship that involved it really.

The sticking point is going to be more in what you want to do that they don't want to do, not in them offering something that you don't want to do.

If you don't like kissing or DATY, I'm sure most providers are just fine with that.

Since you said you are looking more for intimacy than for an "exotic experience," you need to be careful.  Specifically make sure you don't fall in love with the provider, because this is just a paid business transaction.  As long as you can understand that it's just a paid transaction and there is an open time/date and a close time/date, then you should be fine.

Just tell the provider that you are looking more for a date that includes dinner or drinks or whatever.  There are plenty of providers that can accommodate that.  But like I said, be careful that you don't become that obsessive client that falls in love with his provider.

Naw good point. I don't think that would happen to me, but still it is something to watch out for because I do tend to have a hard time being impersonal. For me intimate doesn't mean the dinner and drinks thing. Sex is still nice. It means rather then getting together for a fast and hot bang session of trying to see how many times I can pop. I would like to take it slower with more measured and sensual things. Hell, if I started to get emotionally attached it would tell me more then anything that I needed this sort of thing more then I thought and maybe I should rethink what I am willing to settle for in my current RL relationship. While I respect the ladies providing this service and do not think negatively at all for doing so, I have no interest whatsoever in a true relationship with a girl in this line of work.

I have a date set for Thursday and have told her that and will remind her prior to the date. She IS the type to attack right off with a DFK according to reviews so I will have to find a way to ask her to take it slow before I show up or I will risk embarrassed myself not really knowing how to kiss that way. The trick is finding out how to say it in a way that won't red flag her prior to our meeting. As it is the sort of thing that ladies don't like being mentioned in email, txt, and pm. There is the chance I will have to take that initial assault and who knows, maybe I will have less issue with it then I think Either way I am sure once there in person I will be able to have a nice little chat with her.

It's just a slippery slope, and one that guys fall down fairly easily.