Newbie - FAQ

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Fuck and Wagnalls 2362 reads
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Primer on Understanding/Interpreting Provider Ads (reprinted by permission). Many have asked this be added to the Newbie Manual

This Provider ad Primer is pretty accurate! Beware the following  euphemisms.  Enjoy!


BBW = fat
Voluptuous = fat
Curvy = fat
Curvaceous = fat
Thick = fat
Rubenesque = fat
Womanly = fat
Full Figured = fat with big tits
Gives bra size only? = fat
Busty = either saggy or fat
Naturally busty = saggy and fat
Real woman = saggy, fat and ugly

Slim = no boobs/flat
Svelte = no boobs/flat
Slender = no boobs/flat
Dancer's body = no boobs/flat

Bombshell = fake boobs
Baywatch = fake boobs
Playboy = fake boobs
Model = fake boobs
Barbie = fake tits

Brazilian = black
Caramel = black
Chocolate = black
Cuban = black
Ebony = black
Egyptian = black
Ethiopian = black
Exotic = black
Hawaiian = black
Mocha = black
Mulatto = black
Nubian = black
Mixed = black
Native American = black

Mature = old
Courtesan = old
Gracious = old
Refined = old
Elegant = old
Classic = old
Legend/Legendary = old
No age listed = old

Educated = graduated High School
Cultured = drinks wine, not beer

Age = generally add 7-10 years, here are some frequent exceptions:
College Student = late 20's
Just turned 18 = mid 20's
19 = possible jailbait
21 = late 20's
28 = late 30's
30 = 40s
MILF = 45 and up!

Intelligent = brunette
Sorority Girl = blonde
Selective = overpriced
Exclusive = very overpriced
Classy = can't afford lingerie
Freaky = doesn't shower between clients
Upscale =  over priced w/ snooty personality
All American = trailer trash
Princess = has an attitude problem & LOTS of rules
Las Vegas = Bellagio prices, Motel 6 service
coed = plain looking with acne problem
girl next door = looks like the boy next door
Goddess = If you believe this is me in the pictures...
Real Doll = Bubba brings you an inflatable doll, no refunds
Energetic = methamphetamine addict
Down to earth = boring
College graduate = sleeps with professors
open minded = openly accepts tips

New to business = changed name
New to area = changed name and moved across town

Up to an hour = 1 shot and she's gone.
Discreet = I check your ID
Discrete = I can't spell
Advance notice required = you'll never get a hold of me
Seeks generous gentleman = robs the elderly
Seeks generous businessmen = robs out-of-towners
Once in a lifetime experience = you won't repeat
I love what I do = I'm desperate for clients.
Satisfaction guaranteed = I guarantee I'm getting your money
Available 24/7 = my pimp never sleeps

What an ad DOESN'T say, is also a source of information. Unless specified, you can assume:
hair color = brown
hair length = to shoulder
eye color = brown
age = mature
height = short
weight = heavy
cup size = small
measurements = large

BE FOREWARNED!!



TheCyclist 5 Reviews 1020 reads
posted
2 / 4

put in their emails. This is just a wild guess...

The guy writes_______ it means_______.

Romantic = Sucks on breast like a vacuum
Well groomed = badly needs a shave
Clean cut  = has some hair on top
Well built = many protruding bones
Athletic = passes gym on way to work
Polite = says nothing the entire session
Generous = finally remembers to put out envelope
Hygienic = owes a toothbrush, hasn't used it in awhile

I am not very creative, could add some that are funny????

mrfisher 115 Reviews 1172 reads
posted
3 / 4

How about:

well dressed = Not barefoot.

good conversationalist = Will nod and say "uh-huh" once in a while.

8o)

dblhappy 44 Reviews 1376 reads
posted
4 / 4

Translation of guy terms:

Clean = Washed his genitals
Very Hygenic = Included his ass and pits

Mature = Didn't drool on himself when he saw me
Worldly = Managed to get it out of his pants before his first orgasm
Round 2 started ... = We watched some TV

Appropriate attire = Wore clothes
Well dressed = Didn't mix plaids and stripes

Bigger than average = 4 inches
Well endowed = 4.5 inches
Well hung = 5 inches
Had to use my Magnums = 3 inches

LFK = Stuck my tongue in her mouth
DFK = Licked her face
We kissed like teenagers = I still kiss like a hormonally crazed adolescent

Love to DATY = Paints the alphabet
Could DATY all day = She stopped me before I got tired

If she faked it, she is up for an academy award = She faked it
She had a shuddering O = She had an itch

She let me stay well over time = She was too polite to sick her dogs on me

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