I am a total newbie, but I was eventually able to get verified by a well-known provider, and approved by another provider, in spite of the fact that I was self-employed and could give no "work number".  Due to my own insecurity as a newbie, and due to the fact that these ladies were out of town I have not yet connected in person with any provider. However, since I had been verified and accepted by these two ladies I thought I could use them a references to meet another lady, an erotic masseuse (no full service). This particular lady required two references, so I gave her the contact number of the providers who had already approved me. BIG MISTAKE. Judging by the emails I quickly received it seems that two of the three ladies now want nothing to do with the likes of me. I've yet to hear from the third. I have sent apologies all around in spite of the fact that there was nothing deceptive intended or actually done that I can see.

I have now learned that getting verified and approved by a provider is NOT ENOUGH to use their name as reference. I learned this too late. I wish much better luck to all of you other newbies.

I've never had one be less than gracious.

I don't know where you might have run in to trouble- perhaps they were unwilling to reference based on one visit and minimal info to them?

Perhaps there was another reason why they wouldn't reference you?  Only you can answer that.

If you were a perfect gent, clean, smelled good, didn't short them, then just keep trying, get a couple more visits for future refs, remember to ask them first.  Consider joining RS2K, Date Check, or Preferred 411, sometimes helps on the verify part, but doesn't help with the refs.

Might be good to re-read the post.
; )

A reference is the name of a provider who has met you, not who has simply spoken with you about meeting.

The cold shoulder currently received by the poster is due to this being a scam tactic by men who do it intentionally, hoping that ladies will simply ok based on recognizing the name.

lol that'll teach me to read more carefully!

I missed that all together!

Okay dude, get a brain!  Using a provider you never met as a reference- wow.

Now that I look at his TER handle- this must have been a joke!

-- Modified on 1/14/2008 6:07:34 PM

Re: lol that'll teach me to read more carefully!

Unfortunately, it wasn't a joke. Right now I do feel as if I am "to dumb (read, inexperienced) to hobby".

Perhaps some of the veterans might suggest what to do if you have NEVER met a provider. After all, this is a "Newbie Board'. There are many others reading this right now who have not taken the plunge, so to speak.

There was NEVER an attempt on my part to fool a provider. I gave a contact phone number to the masseuse fully expecting she would call one or both of the reference ladies and they would say, "I haven't met him, but I did look closely at his credentials and I did agree to see him" The masseuse then might have said, "Ok, I trust your judgement".

Or, am I really "to dumb to hobby???"

If you haven't actually met the gal, how can you claim her as a reference?!?  OK, you passed a gals screening, but until there is an actual meeting, how can any provider expect to believe you are who you say you are, or have any trust in you!!!

Now for the honest hobbyist:
Contacting the lady you are listing as a reference is usually a good idea.  If it has been more six months since you've seen her, it is a good idea to visit the gal you will be using as a reference before you list her as a reference, just to remind her who you are!!!

jazz32

But Duuuuuude! You gotta be kidding me right? You gotta SEE a lady before she can be a reference!

OK, you messed up but if you were REALLY to dumb to hobby you wouldn't be here on TER. Your among friends here. Ask questions even if something seems dumb. Trust me, we've heard it all and done a lot of dumb things ourselves!

Now, would you put down a job reference of employers who have never employed you?...then on the same logic, why would you use an escort references that have never met you....just sounds like you wanted to jump the gun and see them without going through the proper proces....

You can only use one alias during a single thread. So you have to use either Goodheart59 or TooDumbToHobby but not both.

b-

Really, would you put down ***** company as a work history if they interviewed you, but you never worked there?

b-

Re: lol that'll teach me to read more carefully!

too dumb to use the same alias? this is confusing. You just have to know how to handle yourself and you don't need a reference sometimes. Explain the situation offer as many email adresses phone numbers, work numbers, whatever it takes to make them comfortable. Offter to meet in a public place, i dont know use that brain god gave you man!

-M

as you know BG your the man.

I will say this , TER is a step in the right direction. But, I think to be a great hobbyist like yourself, and myself . . you need to have 'game' in that you know how to call up politic chat it up, set the girl at ease (and I suck with civvie girls..) What's missing here is common sense.

-M

UPDATE:   Although one of the referenced providers accused me of being very deceptive, the other was COMPLETELY understanding! My date with her when she returns to the area is still very much "on". It will be my first ever with anyone. After reading all of the responses I see that all of you have indicated I should have known better. But, I didn't. Maybe I should tattoo an "N" ("newbie") on my forehead to warn the ladies. (lol)

Seriously, I appreciate everyone's input. I have been reading the discussion boards for many months, trying to learn. But please remember, when you are trying to assess my level of idiocy, one of the providers I referenced asked me many questions before she agreed to see me and I gave her many references other than work (this is the one who was so understanding). Also remember that the masseuse who requested these references ONLY offers massage (hands only!) I still have much to learn, obviously, but that's why we're here on the Newbie board. Thanks for your help.

Here was my thinking: Let's say one is applying for a summer job as a math tutor right after graduating high school. Your employer asks for references and you give him Cal. Tech. and M.I.T. since you were accepted at both schools after much testing. You have not yet visited either school, but you have been approved. I don't make this comparison lightly. Both ladies that I used a references are very well reviewed and respected. They are the "Cal. Tech. and M.I.T." of the escort business. Of course, I WOULD have used references for a lady I had actually been with, but this has not happened for me yet. Yes, I am NEWBIE.

One of the ladies referenced was completely sympathetic and our date is coming soon.

FYI.
He is only using one alias "TooDumbToHobby". Goodheart59 is his real name! Look for the little envelope after the name to determine if an alias or a real name.

"Perhaps some of the veterans might suggest what to do if you have NEVER met a provider. After all, this is a "Newbie Board'."

You said that you contacted two different ladies who okayed you, yet want to know what to do if you haven't met a provider?  Seems that you figured it out already and yet you want others to tell you what you know, vs. sharing how you made it work for you?

This is a very common question that comes up frequently.  A quick search of newbies, references, screening... and there might even be info relevant in the Newbie Maual top link of this page.
: )

-- Modified on 1/15/2008 8:04:41 AM

The ladies reputation wasn't what was being questioned.  We believe that they're well respected; you are the one that's the unknown.

What you're asking for as a reference is that she can vouch that you aren't LE, dangerous or offensive.  While it's possible that a lady may feel comfortable enough to take a shot at seeing you, neither of them can say that you won't do something harmful in her presence.

I've known of several ladies that don't use provider references as part of their screening, and now it makes complete sense to me.  Here's a guy getting the green light from a lady that doesn't know him.

You need to understand what verification in the hobby means. A lady is not looking for references on how you look, how good you are in bed or even your math skills!
She wants to know if you showed up on time, brought the correct amount of cash, that your hygiene was good, you were polite and respectful of the lady and her time and you didn't cause any problems. How can a lady you haven't seen possibly know these things?

No offense to any Cal Tech graduates out there but every time I see someone try to draw an analogy like this I have to laugh. In the case of the hobby, educational acumen means nothing without a good dose of common sense thrown in! Probably why I was never any good at math....

One is his "real" alias/handle the other is his "fake" alias, unless you thought his birth certificate read Goodheart59.

Balathazar is 100% correct in his assesment, I imagine that Jazz lets some of this stuff slip by as a courtesy of this being the newbie board.

While it certainly wasn't the brightest stunt I've ever heard of, it doesn't look like it caused any irreparable damage, and look on the bnright side. I gave us all a good laugh,a dnt he chance to feel superior for a moment.

We've all done stupid shit, and you certainly have too, but that doesn't make you "TooDumbToHobby" just makes you human. Of course I don't think we'll be recommending you to MENSA any time soon. lol(I know, cheap shot, I couldn't help myself) Have fun

Maybe you have already.

My MENSA membership has just been cancelled. Damn!

like Preferred411 or Date Check?

I haven't tried any verification services. I decided to take a chance with one of the top escorts who was very highly rated, always reviewed as sweet. I wasn't even sure I had the courage to hobby as I am WELL beyond the years of most of you. However, being newly single for the first time in my life .....

She was, indeed, very sweet when she got the contact info I filled out on her website, though she knew I was a newbie and had zero references. I do have a very comprehensive website posted, and I think this helped greatly. Then she asked whatever questions she needed to know by a series of back-and-forth emails. Now I am so looking forward to meeting her, especially for the classy way she handled this misstep of mine. She says she is eager to meet me! How 'bout that! I hope I can live up to her expectations and keep my future screw-ups to a minimum! Thanks for asking. I hope this helps other newbies.