im sorta wondering about pornstars and escorts in general. im a short guy 5' 5'' and not really attractive (people say im ugly). anyway, is this hobby for people like me? will pornstars or hot escorts refuse to provide for me based on my looks? i want to have a good time with some babes, but im beggining to believe i never will.

that small children have spontaneously wept at my very presence, but I get laid a lot.  The providers don't care what you look like as long as you bathe, brush your teeth, treat them with respect, and pay with real money.

Good Luck

As long as you are clean and respectful you can play 4 pay. But to keep it real some do screen based on appearance like if you are a black man.

I would bet that providers who aren't racist(most I hope) will see an ugly black man just as well as a good looking one.

First, if you never hobby, here's some free advice: PLEASE get some self confidence. Going through life having people tell you that you are ugly and having you believe it, is simply no way to live. Women are attracted to confident men. Even if you are not a Greek God, if you have confidence in yourself and your abilities, you'll be fine. Based on your posting, you need to find some confidence immediately. It's SERIOUSLY lacking.  

Okay, on to the hobby world. While some providers(by their own choice) will not see men based on race, ethnicity, age, etc., in general looks are NOT IMPORTANT to them. Please understand that providers see ALL types of men. Fat men, tall men, short men, thin men, men with large dicks, men with needle dicks, balding men, hairy men, shaved men, men with 6 pack abs, men with disgusting beer guts, men with bulging muscles,  etc. The ladies really only care that you are professional and mature in attitude and approach, provide them with whatever screening information they request to feel safe, show up clean, sober and on time, leave the appropriate donation in plain view (never discuss it or try and negotiate the fee), respect their time constraints, and cause them NO trouble before, during or after the session.

If you heed this advice, there is a great chance you will see whatever provider you wish. This hobby is for EVERY man who understands how to appropriately interact with a provider. Once you understand how the process works, you will surely gain the confidence to contact the provider of your choice. And yes, this includes porn stars and, as you phrased it, "some babes"

 


-- Modified on 2/11/2008 12:20:43 PM

rayjjr, you hit it on the nail. If it weren't for providers, my chance of getting laid in the real world is practically slim to none. Just like rayjjr said, "bathe, brush your teeth, treat them with respect, and pay with real money" are the key of successful hobbying.

But I am clean and brush my teeth. Also, I have a pocket full of money and I've always had a good time.

Havin fun with ya

Seriously what Hardy said is just about all you need.

b-

I am 5-4, and it has never been an issue!  Read the advice above about cleanliness, respectfulness/niceness.  Be honest and forthright in communicating with providers...they pick up on that, and will be willing to work with you on that basis, regardless of height and other phyisical issues.  And, don't let the providers height that you are interested in be an issue, either.  The more statuesque providers will not hold height against you...though things like 69 may be a bit of a stretch...lol..if you catch me drift!

Hardy makes some good points. Most providers see a wide range of gents and do not prioritize stereotypes of attractiveness. I think it is important to be aware of (and avoid) the extremes on both sides-- either feeling completely insecure and lacking confidence (not attractive! if you don't feel it, pretend you do until it happens!and the over-confidence that translates to arrogance.

I would not generalize about men based on stereotypes of attractiveness any more than I would based on income or race. But I will say that having things that are valued by society- money, status, stereotypical "attractiveness," etc- and being constantly told one is attractive, can certainly cause one's ego to inflate (whether male/female). I like to feel I am equal with my clients- we both bring something to the table, we both respect one another and ourselves.. and a gent who feels like he is better than me or that he is doing me a favor is a turnoff- ie. "Wow, the hardest part of providing must be dealing with all the old ugly guys.. You must be relieved when a guy like me comes along, huh?" A peculiar blend of complete arrogance and needing validation that will piss me off like no other.. lol..

However, I do understand this sentiment, as most of us are indoctrinated with certain stereotypes- I won't go off on a tangent but the point is that we are taught to believe that a certain stereotype defines sexual attraction- youth; women with certain proportions and a feminine, meek demeanor; men as tall, strong and muscular and protective.. for those who fit these roles, either physically or personality or preference-wise, that is fine! I ejoy wearing dresses and lacy lingerie and being taken out to dinner and doors opened for me.. but I have equally wonderful experiences taking the lead sexually, or havig unconventional sexual encounters (threesomes, being w/another woman, etc.), going camping or canoing, or discussing philosophy.. I am happy with my body and would never consider getting implants or dieting. Am I a supermodel or a Barbie? Nope. But I am healthy and fit and quite happy with that.

I think as a provider it boils down to what the gent is seeking- if he is seeking a fantasy scenario, that can be exciting- but with some of my regulars, we get to know each other on a different level as well. Neither is right or wrong, but when these stereotypes of what is "sexy" make people question themselves and feel badly, it is ridiculous. I know lack of confidence and self esteem are very personal issues, but it also seems that many men feel, especially entering this hobby, that providers will not see them or will give them less than optimal service based on looks, which would in turn make one feel even worse.

It is true that this is p4p, and that each party brings something to the table as an exchange. I'm not going to address civvie dating, because that's not the issue here, and besides I think a good chunk of the civvie women (at least of my generation) have much to learn about sexuality, self worth, and relationships.. every woman has the right to decide what is best for her, but I do feel that there is so much more out there to be explored before settling for these simplistic and over-used cliches of what makes a person atractive or aceptable.

There are likely some providers to whom appearance is a big issue- I think that while a minority of providers can probably give a great performance no matter what, most do need to feel that there is some chemistry or some attraction to perform their very best. That said, while some women have a very limited view of what is attractive to them, I think that many successful providers are able to approach this more broadly, and thus able to give a great experience to a wide variety of clients who differ in many ways. I've heard it said that the art of a good provider is to be able to find something attractive about most anyone, to see the good in people more generally. So while there might be physical or sexual features that can be a turn on, other things are much more important- just a guy's smile, or the way he talks, confidence, sense of humor, or something thoughtful like bringing flowers or remembering your favorite color, feeling like he respects you, the feeling of admiration/adoration, even just feeling good knowing that I have pretty much made someone's day (oh and good DATY skills never hurt!! haha) make it worthwhile and enjoyable.. there are so many good things about providing, and about most people in general, that it is not hard to find the good and focus on it.

A guy's height or weight or age is the last thing on my mind during a date.. if something really bothers you and makes you feel insecure, you could address that when choosing a provider- for example, if you feel weird about an older or younger woman, pick one closer to your age, or about the height thing- you could specifically find a provider who is closer to your height, or request that she not wear heels- but rather than make such a request in a way that makes her feel strange or overly conscious of your insecurity, you could approach it in a way that is more of a fantasy- ask her to bring ballet-style flats and a cute fitted ladies' business suit, or flip flops and sexy beachwear.. etc. That said, I can pretty much guarantee that she will not be thinking about the things you perceive as flaws, so if you can let that go and use this as a tool to help you see yourself in that same light and see the positives, go for it.



-- Modified on 2/14/2008 8:35:18 AM

I think one of the exciting things about this hobby for gents is the ability to choose who they want to be with- there are so many choices, and you can research gals ahead of time to pick the one you want to meet, and while you may feel most comfortable starting out with a specific type of woman, you may find yourself branching out, as another source of excitement is the variety and the opportunity to be with women you would likely never choose to date in your civvie life, or women that you wouldn't otherwise have the chance to date- not implying that you "couldn't get" an attractive woman, so please don't take it like that- what I mean is that it is a fantasy- so if you want to be with an 18-year-old model, or a pornstar, or a dominatrix, or a woman of every single race and ethnicity out there, or experiment with transexual women, you can. Again, not that you "couldn't" be with these women, but since there are very few models, pornstars etc. in the general population, the odds of even meeting one by chance, let alone dating one, are small for any man regardless of other factors, and while some men would not choose to have a serious relationship with a pro porn star or a transexual, they might want to explore it and have new experiences- this hobby is a way one can explore that in a private setting, with clear boundaries and no commitments.

Also, not sure if this is a helpful analogy or not, as providing is a little different from most other professions, but in general, professionals who work with people, and specifically peoples' bodies, do not judge them and have "seen it all." Doctors, masseuses, etc. would never discriminate against someone because of their physical appearance. While of course chemistry is more relevant in a sexual exchange, the concept is the same, and to me the sexual chemistry of a date is often separate from the purely physical.

Just take your time and research! Reviews, website content, her email demeanor, etc. are great was to tell if she is someone you'll get along with in person, and allow you to look for specific traits- physically, personality, specific services offered (in/outcall, massage, etc.) While there are a few "bad seeds" in any group, most providers will be more than happy to give you a memorable experience, and researching her reviews is a good way to decrease the odds of having problems like bait-and-switch, less than satisfactory service, etc. All gals have their off days, but in general I think you will find your hobbying experiences enjoyable and worthwhile! Best of Luck!~

XoXo,
Marea

-- Modified on 2/14/2008 8:36:56 AM

I guess what you are saying is that you only want to see the tall, dark, handsome, young stud that drives a Ferrari and knows he can make you see god in 12 seconds flat.

Am I getting that right??



Joking aside, Marea you have once again put together a well-written and thought provoking response to an important question.  Did you say that you are majoring in TER?