I don't have much experience with dating and sex. I used to be very shy, and I also used to have strong religious beliefs against casual intimacy, so those things combined led to me being a movie prequel: The 30-year Old Virgin!

In the past year I've been to full-service AMPs a few times, and last night I had my first experience with an escort.

I'm no longer that shy in social situations, but I find that with a provider I become overwhelmingly shy. I feel nervous, and I can't bring myself to talk much or to express what I want. It's awkward and frustrating. This effects my sexual response too, as I find it's much easier to cum at home by myself than when I'm with someone. (Definitely the opposite of what I expected!)

Any suggestions on how to overcome this? I think a few good experiences could go a long way to getting over this mental block. I could use a provider who can understand this, and who can help me by taking the lead, asking me lots of questions, etc. I had hoped last night would be like that, but the girl I saw didn't really know how to respond to my shyness, so it wasn't what I hoped for. (Not really her fault, I was the one who couldn't communicate!)

Two suggestions for you

1) Post this on the Erotic Highway board when the Love Goddess returns from vacation.

2) Talk about your feelings of shyness with the provider at the start of a session. Unless you have picked a new young provider, I dobt there is much you could share that she hasn't had experience with and therefore can help you overcome.

Good Luck

bakdorman gives some sound advice...

Love Goddess will likely have some good tips and I would not be surprised to see her mention what bakdorman also alluded to...i.e. seeing an experienced and mature provider.  Such a lady will have run into her fair share of quiet and reserved guys many times and will know how to  get you to feel relaxed at your own pace.

You may also want to consider a longer dinner date arrangement where you can first enjoy a meal together before heading to the fun zone.  This setting will more closely resemble the social sitautions that you have recently mastered.  Once you get comfortable with the lady during this portion of the date, then the initmate part will likely be far less stressful.

You are not the first and you are not the only shy guy to have entered the hobby.  Have faith that it gets easier with more experience and if you are not already a VIP TER member then get it so that you can search for ladies that demonstrate strong social skills in these types of situations.      

-- Modified on 8/29/2007 12:50:44 PM

I was once like you.  I'd get tongue tied and make the escort nervous and I'd never be able to speak up and tell them what I wanted.

It was simply a matter of time and getting used to the routine.

I think that being on boards like this helped to because when you feel there is a community supporting you in something, your fears tend to dissapate.

I also tend to find a few providers I like and stick with them, so that allows me to become more comfortable with them.

I'm a very shy person in general, but especially around people I've never met.  So, in my limited experience as a hobbyist, I was very nervous when I was meeting a provider for the  first time.  I even hoped that sometimes they would cancel so I wouln't have to go!!  I have found that once I've seen a provider a few times the nervousness has faded away. It just takes time.  

The providers have been very encouraging to me to express what I want , because if I don't, there's no way for them to know what I like or what I want to do.  I even had one provider tell me on my first visit that she was just as nervous as I was.  I am always up front with providers about what I'm feeling.  I think they really appreciate a guy who can communicate well.

Don't be afraid to tell them how you are feeling. Small talk is helpful in breaking the ice.  Bring some wine or some soda to drink while you chat and get to know eachother.  

I almost decided to quit the hobby after my very first appointment because I was so scared and nervous that it affected my sexual performance.  I think the providers are there to help you have a nice  time, and they will do what they can to make you feel comfortable.  Take it from me, a very shy guy, that as time goes on and you have more appointments, things get so much better.  

For me, it takes time to feel comfortable with someone, and so I don't plan to see a large number of providers. I"ve found a great one, and we have a great time together, and our sessions have gotten better each time.

Hang in there, and before you know it, you will be having the time of your life.  

Runningman

-- Modified on 8/29/2007 3:05:12 PM

I empathize...  

it may be a good idea to try repeat visits with a provider you like.  That way you build familiarity & it will be less stressful

As with many situations, repetition makes you a better.  You may be freezing up because you have insecurities about your lack of experience.

But just remember you are not being judged or scored on your performance... you are there to have a good time & you want your provider to make you feel at ease.  

So just relax & tell her you are a little nervous & if she has been doing it for any length of time, she will know how to de-stress you

Good luck & get back on the bike!





-- Modified on 8/29/2007 3:12:18 PM

Do your research on the reviews, to find the provider that can fit your situation.  Look for key words such as "friendly", "accommodating", "sweet", "warm", etc.  A provider with those qualities will find a way to calm you down and help you get comfortable (meaning psychologically) before engaging in anything sexual.  More often than not, they've had a number of nervous clients, and will know what to do.  Just be up-front that you're feeling nervous; no need to try to hide it.

Most importantly, an appointment with a provider is the one date where it's OK to be nervous.  There's no need to be suave, charming, or a stud, either.  All you need to do is follow her rules and treat her with respect.  In a way, nervousness might work in your favor, since LE is usually very calm and collected.

It was almost as if I had written your post!
I don't have any sage advise, except to say that it does indeed get easier (with effort on your part).

At the risk of shilling, Nikki Avalon was something of a breakthrough for me.  She saw my reservation and through a combination of complete openness and honesty (along with some wonderful dirty talk) made me realise that I could indeed tell her anything, she wouldn't be shocked, she wouldn't be offended, and it wouldn't be anything that she hadn't heard many times before.  It was an amazing few hours!

Talk to her (whoever "she" is).  Be honest with her about what you want and enjoy.  Ask, don't demand.  The absolute WORST thing that can happen is her saying no.  Big deal!

Now go have FUN!  :^)

Excellent observations - this is an interesting topic! I am an introvert forced to live in a Extrovert world - so like you nervousness and apprehension pervail! Many times I lose - but don't give up!

I like 'i_like_escorts' post since I did a lot of research. Thanks to the reviewers - they give you some really good insight. Like - they enjoyed the expereince but somewhat mechanical! This is probably one I wouldn't choose for my first time.

I should also say - my first was somewhat boring - not much engaging conversation (I thought I was the dullness person on the face of the planet) - so I looked again and as suggested above - I looked for conversational terms and WOW! I found an awesome lady that engaged me in conversation in such a way that made me feel like I new her for ten years! There are ladies out there like that- it just takes searching!

Good Luck my friend and don't give up! I also the advice of sticking with one person for a while to develop those skills - most ladies are awesome and will help you work through your nervousnes!

you are on the young side, perhaps a drink will help you relax.  Alcohol sometimes has a negative effect on older guys.

The other responses are good as well.  If the lady has been in the biz for awhile, she will know how to help you relax.  But, you have to tell her about your nervousness.  

-- Modified on 8/29/2007 7:17:51 PM

I use to think a drink was always needed - whether young or old - it interfers and the concept of helping you relax - well - I am in my 50's been through it - and it makes you more ackward and it even did that in my 30's!

If you really want to relax - try yoga or tai chi - and get a clear mind! It helps me! Just personal advice in looking that this from a different perspective! Plus I last long without a drink ahead of time! My advice - find a way to center yourself!

Thanks everyone for all the great replies! At my recent appointment I did communicate upfront that I was nervous. She was generally nice and understanding, but she didn't really talk a lot or do much to draw me out.

As for choosing the right person, I am unfortunately in what seems to be an escort dead zone. In my zip code, there are are only 3 girls listed in the TER reviews. One review is outdated, one is actually for a girl in another part of the country, and the third is for a girl who sounds promising but who I haven't been able to contact. For the girl I saw this week, I had to drive over an hour out of town.

Next time I set up something I will ask ahead of time if I can bring a bottle of wine. I think that would be a nice way to start.

Nikki Avalon has been a breakthrough for many of us.  And just yesterday, she gave me a recommendation for a dentist.  An all around great person.

But seriously, a well reviewed lady has most likely seen any situation and knows how to handle it.  I tend to be shy until I get to know someone (then they can't believe I ever was), so I can relate to apprehension.  Take comfort in knowing that you're dealing with a trained professional, relax and enjoy yourself.

You've gotten some great advice.  I just want to add that I kind of like the excitement and nervousness.  I think that's a part of the thrill of the hobby.  It's a fantasy, enjoy it!