I am a somewhat reserved  person and I would like some pointers on how to initiate and maintain a conversation with a provider.

Before I started visiting (massage) providers  I used to think that, due to the nature of their work all providers were extroverts, and that they would do all the work in terms of starting and maintaining  a conversation. Essentially, I felt that I would get a free ride, and would not have to make any effort myself towards establishing the connection with the provider, and that she would take care of everything. For those who are extroverts this may be difficult to understand, but for an introvert having a conversation with someone, who do not know, feels like a job interview, and has similar stress levels. The fact that the other person is a gorgeous young female whom you are about to be intimate with only adds to the tension.

The advice I have  received on other boards only confirmed my original impression that providers were used to making new clients feel comfortable, and that I had nothing to worry about,. However,  it has not worked out that way. Most of the time there is very little conversation between the massage provider and myself during the session. I have also seen one regular provider, and the experience has been much the same.  My theory is that my body language and behavior - not talking, answering with one-word phrases, etc. sends a signal  that I am not interested in talking, and the provider complies, despite how extroverted they may be, whereas the opposite  is true - I  am desperate to establish a personal connection!

What gives me hope is that I have had one magical experience with a massage provider, magical in the sense that I felt that we established a connection, we had a wonderful conversation during the session, and I felt totally comfortable being with her, so much so that she told me that I was very easy to talk to, which is probably the best compliment that she could pay me. Unfortunately, she did not work very long at the massage salon where I met her, I have not been able to find her since, and I fear that she may have gone back to Miami. Also, I am a at loss at how to repeat the experience. I wonder if the experience was due totally to her unique and rare personality - she was a half  Quebecois and half American, making for a wonderfully beautiful combination of the best of both cultures - a totally open, liberated, and friendly person, free of the usual hang-ups that burden a lot of people .

I have now accepted the fact that, if I want to establish a connection with a provider, I must make an effort, despite how difficult that may be for someone as reserved as myself. However, to do so I need some advice:

First of all, what does one talk about to initiate a conversation with a provider you have just met, so as to establish a meaningful connection with her?  Because of the need for discretion, the usual guidelines for having meaningful conversation do not apply when conversing with a provider - ie. opening up and sharing something personal about yourself, finding things you have in common, where you work and play, people you know, etc. If you can't talk about these things, what is left to talk about - the weather and sex?

Secondly, I have found myself, whether consciously or not,visiting massage providers who are duo partners,  and sometime lesbian lovers, and talking about each other's duo partner during my massage sessions, because it is a subject of commonality that we can talk about. However, I
have been told that it is risky to be constantly praising other providers during my sessions, even if the other provider is a duo partner, best friend or lesbian lover, because of the fact that there may be competition between the two, and constantly praising the other provider can cause resentment against me. Does anyone have any opinions on this matter?

Finally, sometimes a provider asks you questions that one is not usually supposed to ask a provider - for example, Are you married?  Where do you live? How often do you have sex with your wife?  If a provider asks you these type of questions, and you answer her, are you then free to ask her the same type of questions?

I would appreciate any input anyone has to offer on this subject. Thanks.

Take heart, it is one of the more difficult arts that there are.

Also take heart that when it comes to this art, the sin of commission is much worse than that sin of ommision.

Silence is golden, often.

My feeling is, especially during a massage, the therapist should let their hands do the talking.

During the active phase of a GFE experience, "yeah baby" is about all that is needed.

So, the real question is how to make conversation with someone you like enough to hang out with afterwards.

If you really like each other (As in the experience with the gal who dissapeared.) it will come; don't force it.

If push comes to shove, there is always the weather.

Topics such as marital status, etc. should be off limits until such time as you too are very comfortable with each other;  and not brought up on a first date.

My advice:  Don't worry about this.  Just relax.

PS When you meet someone who you really click with, get their cell phone number.  I have and I'm very glad I did.

For example, "you're in great shape, do you work out a lot? That's a nice outfit, is designer? I like your place, have you been here long?" etc.

Innocent questions that allow room for some back and forth can break the ice.

I don't talk about other providers, it doesn't seem right, unless she mentions it. Even then it's a bit of mine field.

Also conservation does not equal a connection. I had many conservations, but very few connections. Don't confuse the two, they are very different.

I know firsthand how difficult starting and maintaining conversation can be. Like you said, it sounds ridiculous to extroverts, but it's something I had to learn how to do, and still work on improving. One of the best compliments I'm given is someone, after we meet, expressing surprise that I consider myself an introvert. You can bet I have a strut in my step after I hear that.

You are correct: it's actually MORE difficult to have a conversation within the mutual privacy boundaries necessary (or at least prudent) in this realm as opposed to with a civilian you meet. However, it's not impossible. The trick (I think) is leaving out the details when answering questions and being respectful and cautious when asking questions. And questions are what keeps a conversation between two strangers going! I like to keep a few "up my sleeve" to ask when it's looking like the conversation is not proceeding or is proceeding in a direction either of us is uncomfortable with.

Since most of the gentleman I meet are not from my city, I have the luxury of asking them questions about theirs. Likewise, most of them travel, so I can hear about places they like to visit. Regardless of geographic particulars, everyone has hobbies (and not just The Hobby ... I hope), and are happy to have a listening and interested ear. Other things to talk about: movies, books, non-political news stories, music, and as silly as it sounds -- the weather.

When it comes to being asked too personal/touchy  questions (are you married, what's your religion, did you vote for that one candidate), you have two options: deflect and distract, or lie. I'm not fond of the latter -- I'd probably forget what I said and then contradict myself later, which would be really awkward. I try to approach the former with humor: if he asks if I'm married, laugh and say something like, "Why, were you going to propose to me? " and then *immediately follow up with a question for him about something entirely unrelated* to steer the conversation far away from that topic! This is also why having a few safe, generic questions up your sleeve is a handy fallback.

Now that I've typed that ridiculously long essay response, I have to question your choice of conversation partners. While some relaxing small talk/chit chat is good in a massage setting, I personally question if it's the right place for a long, in depth conversation. A massage is about relaxing and communicating through touch, not talk -- especially a FBSM. I'd venture to guess that many massage providers go into that particular field so they DON'T need to maintain a flow of conversation that would be expected from, say, a GFE provider. They may be as inexperienced in conversation as you are -- or they're just not interested. Additionally, if it's stressing you out so much, that's kind of the opposite effect of what a massage is supposed to have, isn't it?

When I get massages, I want silence.  So if there's no conversation while you get a massage, I would think it quite normal.  When I was doing healing bodywork I would ask quite a lot of questions as part of my intake.  Questions that are NOT typical for the hobby world.  Like "Are you still having sex with your wife?"  If your provider asks she may be asking because it gives her an idea of where to go in the session.  If you don't feel comfortable discussing something, just say so.

In terms of saying little or giving one word answers, it's a tough thing to be confronted with.  If you don't open up I have nothing to work with and the session will pass in itchy-twitchy silence.  

Sooooo....if you want personal connection, you have to be willing to do what is uncomfortable and talk more.  Be in the moment.  Be present with yourself even as you feel nervous.

If you want to talk more feel free to send me a PM or email.

I've started conversation with several providers before meeting them - probably like more than 10 emails back and forth. And it's always a good experience.  

I'm good enough to the point that I can request what I want in a session with them, and then know what to expect when I see them.

of a session (i.e. while resting between GFE activities) is no different than the conversation you have with the person with which you find yourself at any given moment. This would lead me to believe you have difficulty with conversations with non-providers you do not know well. Start practicing there... strike up a chat with people you happen to find yourself with.

The big difference between a random civvie and a provider is that we usually avoid many of the more personal life details.

When I meet a provider I usually have a basic convo on "Where they're from, how long they are staying in the area, have you been keeping busy"

After the session I talk about some current events in the news, about the session, how long has she been a provider, and what got her into this"

The kind of career I have, I need be able to get people at ease up, open up, and create a rapport with them, so I just use that tech with providers.

It's been times after a session the provider will open up, and three I've set there for close to 30mins, becuase they (providers) just needed someone to talk about issues.

LOL! I two girls call me later on in the future, because they needed someone to talk to.

Just remember providers are people,

But also I strongly suggest you not attempt to start a connection with a provider. This is their job.

When I meet with a provider for the first time I will usually converse with them on light subjects.  I will normally book a two hour session hence I feel that if I can dedicate between 15 and 30 minutes of light conversation this will open up the providers options for the session.  I like to lead a provider with questions about herself and her life...this provides an insight for me to understand how she might be feeling about being with me.  I won't delve into anything very personal, but stay with areas that shed some light on her personality.  Typically, in my experiences, this is very effective as I can usually blend this conversation into the session type I like.  You would need to practice your conversation techniques to find the best method for you however.  I am much more of an extrovert than you (based on your post) and have little trouble interacting on personal issues.  Many, but not all of the ladies will open up rather quickly as I tend to show interests in them as real people (and make no mistake...they are real people with emotions, problems and other things going on in their lives).  I have found that the best way to achieve a really enjoyable session is to find a commonality with the lady.  Once a question (on a light subject..even as simple as "wasn't it hot today") is started, you can find that at the end of her comment you simply ask "why?" will evolve into an entirely new topic...and so on and so on.

As far as real meaningful conversations, I have experienced that will happen if you see a lady for multiple hours and multiple dates.  Obviously, if you are working toward this type of relationship, you will have succeeded in creating a common  bond..and probably didn't even realize it since it will come very easily with the right chemistry.  I do think (at least with the types of ladies I have sought out and see on a continuing basis) that many of these ladies can be that person for you.  Do your homework and read the reviews and seek out specific examples that would indicate that she is open to discussions.  You might want to specifically look at ladies that offer only multi-hour sessions as that would certainly be an indicator that connections on a personal level are being sought by her.  One area that I would strongly suggest to stay away from is (at least initially) discussing other providers/clients.  This type of discussion area should be reserved only if/when you get to know each other very (and I mean very) well.  And even with that said, it is in most cases none of your/her business.