but the safest thing to do is not breath a word to her that you are on to her, so nix on #1.

How do you feel about her now that you know that she is a provider?  That's what you have to figure out for yourself?

Were your designs on her at all serious?

I would follow #2 as that is the safest.

If you go with #4, I think she may freak out a bit, especially if she is a newbie.

Some day she might even leak out to you that she's a provider and then you can pursue #4.

No need for #3 unless you feel a bit freaked out.

It's like the old J Geils hit:  Angel in the Centerfold.

(Click link for song.)

Most providers survive because they are discreet.  They only see men that are discreet.  They likely only want civie friends who are discreet.  

If she is new & she puts herself at risk by revealing too much (like a tat) or traceable information.  Perhaps you would warn her.

But most providers want their business & civie lives kept separate.  Now that you know her secret, will you protect her or use it to blackmail her?  

#2 is safest.  If you give any sign that you know, she may avoid you to protect herself.  How well do you know her?

Hey All,
I was trying not to post on here too much anymore, since most of the questions I had have already been answered in earlier threads. You all are fantastic when it comes to answering Newbie questions. The search function has been very useful to me But this was just too shocking...

I was bored and perusing BP, with no real intention of calling when I discovered a civvie friend's ad! I've known her for a little less than a year but  just discovered her ad. She's a provider and it was shocking to say the least, b/c she works at a place very close to where I live. I see her at least once a week, where we shoot the crap, maybe joke a little but then that's it. I always thought she was really cute but never really pursued it. I know it's her in the picture b/c of her face and a tattoo that shows.

A search of her ad/phone number / email and it looks like she is either relatively new, or not new but just not reviewed yet. In either case,  I'm a little confused as to the best way to move forward with her...

1) Do I hint / acknowledge that I know she's a provider? And I a hobbyist?

2)  Do I just ignore it? Try to keep things cool in our civvie relationship? and never mention anything?

3) Should I stop hanging out with her in a civvie atmosphere?

4) And b/c I know her, does this mean she is totally off limits for me ever calling her? Like I said, she's cute...I would not mind P4P with her.

Thanks,
RR

Thanks!

If she's really hot, find someone on TER who'll TOFTT and tell us about it.  That way you'll know if she's worth pursuing.  I mean, why pay for it if you don't have to?

As a female and provider I like to keep my providing life secret. If someone I knew every found out I would not like them to bring it up lightly and I would be mortified.

BUT...since in her pics on backpage she showed her face and a noticeable tattoo she is asking for people to reconize her.
And because you know her does not neccesarily make her of limits(unless she deems it so) But don't expect a discount or a freebie.

I'd maybe bring up things in conversation relating to the hobby..."did you hear about that crackdown on BP in such-and-such state?" If you don't know her real well I wouldn't advise coming right out and saying you saw her on BP.

Anything else is way too intrusive, crosses too many lines, blurs things. If you become closer friends, start sharing personal tales, you may be able to discuss it at some point, but I would tread very carefully, as many providers work very hard to keep things separate and she needs to be ready to open up.

One way to test the waters at some point might be to start a discussion about fantasies, and talk about your P4P fantasy that you never quite had the guts to indulge. Do not expect her to jump on it at first, but if you return there again after a while she might relax a little more, or just freak out and run away. Either way, you will have a signal without actually outing her.

In the long run, you could be a great friend to her - while it is completely understandable that providers, and hobbyists, want to keep the hobby part separate from the rest of their lives, it is not really good for us psychologically, so helping to integrate it all, bridge it, would probably be good for both of you. But that is not a choice you can make on your own, she has to be ready for it.

My opinion, anyway.

Zig

As a provider I'd find it really cool that one of my friends is into the hobby. I'd want him to tell me and then we'd probably swap crazy stories.

Would you see him on a p4p basis? Swapping crazy stories is one thing. Your answer to this question is the answer that the OP is looking for.

Would you see your friend if you knew he was in the hobby?

Stick with #2.
Always remember that the hobby is almost always supposed to be a separate aspect of life.

Since you know her as a civvie, regardless of whether you hobby, best not to mix worlds.  If you want her, then hit on her as a civvie...

If any of the women i know were found to be providers i would make an appointment and just follow the process to its end as if she were any other provider but i would definatly hit it like i stole it. Something to be said about how hot this kind of situation is.

But for her own safety, I would seriously consider letting her know about the tattoo, somehow. If there's any way you can think of to do so that would not lead back to you, I'd do it, because I seriously doubt that you're the only one who can connect the dots... and there are plenty of guys out there who wouldn't think twice about blackmail (or worse).

Relationships are based on trust. You did nothing wrong finding out the info. What you do with the info says a lot about who you are.

First of all, decide if you want a civie or a business relationship. You can't expect both. It is possible, but expect that if you become a customer, that you will loose the civie relationship, at least until she retires.

Presuming you want a business relationship, then just ask her. Afterall, it is a business. Do it through her business contact email, and let her know that you know her. She will decide if she wants to see you. By doing it through her business e-mail (vs. face to face) it gives her time to digest the situation before responding. In a worst case scenario, you have just lost your civie relationship, and she doesn't want to see you.

If you want to maintain a civie relationship, I think it is ok to let her know that you know. You can couch it as a suggestion that she be careful about pics. I find that if a lady is willing to use a face pic, then she can't be that concerned about family/friends finding out. At that point, she will let you know if she wants to share talking about that part of her life, or not. When you do tell her, I would add that you value the civie relationship and are not asking to be a customer.