I'm not sure what to make of it, but a provider I used for the 2nd time asked me if I wanted to take her out. She didn't exactly say that word for word, but she hinted at it pretty strong. I'm not sure if that's just being cordial or if she really meant what she said. Also is that type of thing common or very uncommon? There was no talk of money for that, it was strictly off the clock. Come to think of it, half of the whole visit was off the clock, I got out of there way past my paid time.

Yes, it is definitely unusual.

the session (they tend to add a little tip of their own to it).

Seriously though, it is not common and could mean a number of things.  First of all, from the cynical perspective, she could be trying to set you up for a very expensive ride with an up front cheap one.  Or she could have emotional attachment issues of her own.

From another perspective, you could have just sparked her fire.  She IS human after all, and she could have just clicked so much with you that she wants to go to a different plateau with you.

Either way, it shows that she may have some boundary issues that could magnify with time.  The bottom line is that if she hasn't sparked your fire, you should walk away.  It would not be fair to her or safe for you to string her along no matter what her motives.

Just be very careful all around.  These things end badly way more than they don't.

BTW, you don't "use" them, you see them.

Yes, unusual for this type of situation after only 2 visits.  While guys don't tend to turn down a romp in the hay, you need to be leary of requests down the road.  "Oh honey, I'm a little short on the rent this month, can you loan me $500?"

One way that you know that you are putting on the years is when you've known some providers for so long that they go into retirement (and sometime out of retirement too.)

While we were in a professional relationship, I can't recall ever just dating a provider as such, but I have seen at least three for dinner or movie or both on several occasions after they retired.  (No sex!)

In your case, you might have struck pay dirt, but I suggest that you bend over backwards to clarify the situation lest embarrassment ensue.

This is very unusual & providers will sometimes refuse to see gentlemen who become too emotionally attached.  In this case it is SHE who is crossing the line.  
We read of many of these cases here on TER & especially The Erotic Highway.  I had to take an extended break from a Fav when my feeling crossed the line...  and although we've resumed occasional visits, we are now careful to stay in bounds.
There are exceptions...  couples who met through the hobby & are together.  But they are few enough to be remarkable.  First off, would you be ok with a GF who provides?  Second, would she be willing to retire for you/you provide support for both of you?  Are you free to do so?  Providers can & do sometimes retire from the hobby if in a relationship...  & sometimes return if it doesn't work out!
So if you take her on a date, you are on a slippery slope.  You should know these questions going in...  If things "work out" you'll need to have them answered.  If any of them are a problem to you, perhaps you don't want to go there.
skb

You mention "half of the whole visit was off the clock", now it's one thing if she proposes a meal before/after a paid session, and a very different situation if she suggests no donation whatsoever.  The latter scenario will prompt the Robot (from Lost In Space) to exclaim "Danger!"

Hey -- she likes you!

There's certainly nothing wrong with that. It COULD develop complications; but it might also develop into something really great. There ARE providers who met their husbands/boyfriends that way.

Just be aware that spending time with a woman off the clock can be a ... bonding ... experience that develops shared memories, etc. So if you want to keep things NSA, you should avoid uncompensated time.

Are you wealthy?

Yes-she may be using you.
No-she likes you but has issues.

But with some caveats...

Take her out, do whatever. When you get back to her place (DO NOT bring her to your home), see if sex is on the menu. If so, go with it. But here's the clincher... once you are ready to leave, hand her the typical donation!

That let's her know that in your eyes, this is still a business relationship. If she takes the money without comment, you know that it wasn't a true date. If she objects, then you know she wants something other than a provider/client relationship.

My experience says she will take the money...

Sometimes providers and clients "click" together. This is understandable, and has happened to me several times. I enjoy the "benefits" that often come when I get especially close to a provider, however I don't want a provider girlfriend. Continuing to give the donation is the signal to her that the relationship will never go beyond my  boundaries.

Hi Sienna

I'm not sure if I'm wealthy or not, but I don't *think* so. I'll tell you next December. (Some things require a long turnaround.)

But I *MAY* be unwise, not being the world's most experienced hobbyist.

Follow my logic, and if I'm wrong -- tell me where.

1. Seems to me that providers are people first, and providers second.

2. Being a provider is an occupation, not the totality of someone's life.

3. As such, they have interests and desires similar to any other person.

4. MANY people meet people through work who become friends or lovers.

5. Thus, a provider could reasonably become friends or lovers with someone met through her occupation just like could happen with a saleswoman, marketing manager or customer service representative.

6. To assume that ANY of the above is incorrect would be to put providing in a distinctly different category from practically any other occupation on earth in terms of its hold on someone's personal life.

NEXT:

7. It would seem to me that a provider would be no more (or less) prone to "using" a man than any other woman.

8. To assume otherwise (especially a greater likelihood) would be to project character flaws disproportionately upon providers based solely on their occupation. While this may be appropriate for hit men, I'm not so sure it applies to providers. If I am supposed to believe providers are more prone to character flaws than other women, you'll have to give me a reason to believe that.

9. It would seem to me that a provider would be no more or less likely to manifest a variety of emotional/personality/mental health issues than any other woman.

10. To assume otherwise (especially a greater likelihood) would be to correlate the occupation to higher rates of emotional/personality/mental health issues. I'm open minded -- explain to me why a provider is more likely than a civie to have issues because by default I work from the premise that they are no different.

So this is the basis from which I am working.

My experience is not that wide. There are two providers, though, that I consider to be friends and we have spent time together OTC in pursuit of certain mutual (non-romantic) interests off and on since well before I heard of TER. Neither of these women has ever attempted to use me in any way, or presented me with strange mental health concerns.

So tell me ...

What am I missing? And -- Am I just lucky?

There are many providers with their heads on straight...  decision to Provide professionally well thought out.
The nature of the Provider / Client business does come with certain baggage.  And some of it may be "our" (the client's) fault.  Knowing that said Girl / Friend is/has having sex with many others is a huge stumbling block.
That said, so long as you go into this knowing what you want...  where you will & will not allow this to go...  then there's no reason not to pursue this relationship with your eyes open.
skb

JohnGaltNH,

I don't think you're missing anything - you have your own experience to guide you. However, what you might be forgetting is that not all providers are as level-headed as those that post and advertise on TER.

If you include all of those who advertise with cellphone pics on CL and BP, and those who walk the streets, and those who work at strip clubs, I think the vast majority of providers are HARD. They have lived tough lives and seen a lot at a young age. To survive, they have become adept at judging people quickly, separating the street-smart from the sucker.

Non-streetsmart guys can easily be picked over by a stripper or provider who can sense his naivete. I think you don't associate with that segment of the provider community, so you won't have those negative experiences.

Johngaltnh-

I separate my work from my real life.
This life requires a little bit of anonymity.

Being a provider is an occupation-Yes.
An occupation that is very different from a REAL occupation.
There is a big difference between meeting people in this business and meeting people in the corporate world.

This line of work is based on a mutually beneficial relationship.
A romance that starts out in the real world does not involve roses or anonymity.

I'm realistic. Most would call me a cynic.
I think you start to cross a very thin line when you start dating hobbyists or providers.
I can only speak for myself.
This job is more of a fantasy...

I'm sure you're a very nice man.
I believe you when you say that your providers are normal women.
I think it's great to be friends with them.

Just my opinion...

Johngaltnh-

My "wealthy" comment was directed to the original poster.

Good, because that was one thing I can't quite figure out. I just know that, according to Congress, I'm wealthy; but by MY standards, I'm not -- yet. But I'm only 40 -- so there's time. LOL

I have to make an effort to post under the right comment!

LOL

I don't want to start any TER fights. =)

shuda, PittPanther and Sienna --

Good input! I DO separate that if a provider is a good friend (i.e. someone that I cooperate with in mutually beneficial endeavors in the real world), sex is not on the agenda any more. I don't have sex with my male friends, and see no reason why women should be any different.

I can understand that many providers have seen some pretty rough stuff and would be hard. For one thing, in a way, many have seen the worst that men have to offer. One provider I've seen had been both verbally humiliated and physically abused by another client. I'm sure some see far worse than that, maybe even before becoming providers. (Unfortunately, too common among civie women too.)

A huge proportion of the client-base is married and cheating, and that can't be conducive to an overall positive view of men generally, etc. Although some providers have world-views that include polygamy etc. that somewhat reduces the negatives.

I've certainly run across some pretty hard women -- but that phenomenon isn't limited to providers. Plenty of women (and men) in the civie world have been through emotional hell that leaves them numb, etc. Fully 1/3rd of all visits women make to doctors in this country are for antidepressants. No kidding. Evidently, there's plenty of emotional hell to go around, provider or civie. (One of my pursuits is to figure out what in the hell is going on with this, because it can't be genetic on that vast a scale. Something is wrong in the environment, culture, propasphere or something.)

And I can see that, as Pittpanther says, though I would put it in different words, that a provider is better positioned than a civie woman to manipulate a naive man -- provided the intent exists. After all, providers are superb actresses with a strong grasp of male psychology; so if they *wanted* to manipulate a man, they'd likely be better at it.

It is a good point that my own experiences likely reflect the specific segment of the provider community that I've dealt with. If I had been dealing with a different segment, perhaps the outcome would have been different. So, at least in part, I've just been lucky.

Any activity of this nature, for both the client and provider, has the capacity to either reflect the best within us and be uplifting; or the worst within us and be debasing. I deliberately aim for the uplifting side. I think that makes SOME difference in how I'm treated.

But I'm still not terribly worried. Providers are human beings. I don't believe they have hidden evil powers to warp men's minds. (Though, if a man is not self-aware, he can be easily manipulated by practically anyone with breasts.)

Of course, maybe I say that because one has warped me so badly I don't know I've been warped. If so, ignorance is bliss. (*grin*) I'll be a bit more careful.

You won't be fighting with me on this one because you likely know 20 times what I do. (*grin*)

I never thought the topic would raise so many experienced opinions and every one of them intelligent, thank you. From the consensus I've gathered that this type of thing isn't very common after all and that I should be aware of the risk in trying to pursue an off the clock relationship. I decided to not see that provider again for a while. She's very nice and an absolute professional, but I don't have the experience to deal with something like this and expect it to run smoothly. I'm not in a relationship and never have been, for now I think I'll keep seeing providers on the clock only.

Again thank you all for the replies.

I think the wiser have spoken. ALWAYS CAUTIOUS! However, I have spent time with my 'dates' after the fact. Remember, they have interactive needs as well. Conversation on an adult level. Aside from that derived from passionate play.