I can't seem to say or do anything right today. I screw up the "order of events" for a potential date, get yelled at by my friend for doing it wrong, then bitch about the results on the general board. Then get accused of having a pimp for god sakes, then get put on the DONT list. Ugh. I give up.
This is actually the best place to ask these types of questions and I probably should have moved your OP here to begin with.
On this board everyone knows that you are new and are required to be nice, or at least compared to the other boards, and that even includes me.
You might not always like the answers we give you, but everyone will be civil when answering and you won't get "beat up", not even by me. lol
You made some newbie mistakes and you paid for them, hopefully learning something along the way. My advice on the GD board still stands, find yourself a female mentor if possible, no guy no matter how well intentioned or how knowledgeable can give the same perspective as another woman who's been there. Not even a "know it all" like me who has been at this for well over 35 years.
Renae, as a relative newbie who posts on this and the GB, don't take it too hard. Despite all, you come across as a well-intentioned person and I don't think any of the advice you got, no matter how pointed it felt, was truly mean-spirited. And, hell, it's only the Internet after all. Like everywhere else, people flame. But no one really gets burned. Hang in there.
You made a few rookie mistakes; very few ladies are SuperPerfectProvider(tm) right out of the starting gate. Chalk it up as a learning experience for next time.
And like GG said, not everyone in these forums is rude, uncouth, and lacking the grace and tact that God gave a rock, so please don't be scared off.
I already replied to the thread in General Discussion before seeing this here. Personally, I don't think it's too big a deal. Should you change your name and number and redo your website and put all of this behind you? Pfft. No way, except for the "put it behind you" part.
I am a relative newbie myself but if you ask Qs here or the other boards, I'm sure people would be more than happy to offer advice and opinions.
Enjoy the holiday and get off to a good start next year.
You learned a few valuable lessons and you didn't have to get robbed or arrested to do it! Words are just that, words. Ignore the "attitude" of the posts but listen to what was being said because it is all valuable. There is a learning curve to all aspects of this and that even includes how to conduct yourself on the boards.
Words are just that, words. Ignore the "attitude" of the posts but listen to what was being said because it is all valuable.
With all due respect, that's easy to say, but not so easy in practice. Words have an impact; how they're said even moreso. Say the right thing the wrong way, and not only will you come across as looking like a jerk, the person being spoken to will be hurt/pissed/offended and dismiss anything you say no matter how accurate and helpful it is. Unfortunately, the Internet offers too easy an opportunity for people to act like assholes while hiding behind an anonymous name, without fear of the consequences we'd normally face in face-to-face communication. Just because you CAN act like a jerk, doesn't mean you SHOULD, even if you're "just trying to help."
Posted By: Bostonguy57
There is a learning curve to all aspects of this and that even includes how to conduct yourself on the boards.
And I've noticed that, for some people, the learning "curve" is more like a 10,000-foot high vertical cliff.
It's not easy to say at all. But it still needed to be said. There actually wasn't any flaming at all going on in the thread on the GD board, just a lot of people telling the OP that she did something wrong. Sugar-coating is not very common on the GD board. Yes, feelings can get hurt but that doesn't mean the comments are not valid.
but I was a bit harsh intentionally. Sometimes you need to get someones attention before you can help them. Sugar coating the advice and pretending it was all the clients fault, she had done everything right and that the guy was just a jerk and that everythig would be ok in the morning would have done her no good whatsoever.
She made some serious errors in judgement that needed to be corrected for her own good and safety, and sometimes you just can't sugar coat things that need to be said.
I think that all of us that have been here a while have seen a true "beat down", I would never have let that happen in this case, there were no flames, no one called her stupid, she got just the right mixture of constructive criticism to sink in without sending her crying hysterically to the TER exit, never to return.
I think her posting on the GD and this board have done her a lot of good, and in a few months she might just be right here giving good advice to the next new provider or hobbyist that needs it.
It's hard to have a tough skin and come on here with an issue and then feel like you've been torn to shreds. But like others have pointed out, there are certainly things that can be learned that should be able to prevent future problems.
The fact that you got such a response actually means, to me, that there are a lot of people out there looking out for you. Learn from their advice because the alternates to learning (i.e. the hard way) will suck.
It's fine to make mistakes - everybody does. When I first entered the business, I made tons of bad choices, some of which could have been dangerous. It took a while for me to get my bearings...it seems like it would be a nice, simple industry to work in, but it isn't.
The best advice I can give to you is just to stay true to yourself. You can't please everybody, and it isn't a good idea to try, in this business. Be yourself, do what makes you happy; and you will be happy and attract people who are happy with you. Other than that, screen, screen, screen! And avoid drama. Good clients HATE drama...just see your clients, and stay out of the fray at all costs.
And above all, have fun and make lots of money! Best of luck.
I can't find the reply (Newbie? Gen Disc?) that said us guys have a short memory. Pretty much true.
There are, what, ~500 reads of your original posts and these two threads (not counting other providers)? Of those, maybe what, 100 are following the whole discussion? Of those, maybe what, 10 are even in your geographic region to even consider seeing you? And if all 10 are reading your replies, they know that YOU see, by the OTHER replies, why we consider what happened to be a mistake. Of those 10 guys, maybe what, only 5 might have been interested in seeing you in the first place from your website (regardless of any discussion on TER)? Of those 5 TER guys, maybe only 1 or 2 might be willing to TOFFT ("take one for the team") anyway (TER Mantra: "Read the reviews!"). So a couple or a few geographically relevant guys might have cold feet based on your original posts but once you have some good reviews it will be forgotten.
People here can be crass but most are trying to be helpful in there own way and keep everyone safe. I read your post on the other board and you did screw up but I think you learned something. I screw up every day and if I gave up I would still be working at Walmart and not enjoying the spoils of my business.
And by the way I read what you posted as I said and you did not earn a spot on my "don't list". The post kind of made you more likable in my eyes as you showed your humanness.
Unfortunately it looks like your attempt to purchase VIP membership has failed due to your card being declined. Good news is that we have several other payment options that you could try.
VIP MEMBER
, you are now a VIP member!
We thank you for your purchase!
VIP MEMBER
, Thank you for becoming VIP member!
Membership should be activated shortly. You'll receive notification!
