.....Of an escort's influence on a marriage.

Eran is 28 years old and has worked for the same law firm for the past two years. His wife is expecting their first child and they recently moved into a new home. His wife plans to work until her seventh month then take 4 months off to adjust to their new addition. Usually by 7PM Eran is on the computer as his wife is always asleep by then.

Darren is 35 years old and has been married for six years. He landed his dream job right out of college and has been with the same Engineering firm every since. He has two children ages 5 and 2. His wife seems happy to be able to stay at home with their children but the spark in their love life just seems to have faded.

Andrew is 48 years old. Andy feels like he has been married forever. He started his own firm after spending several years in the corporate world and he enjoys the freedom and the added income from owning his own business. His daughter is a sophomore in college and his youngest son will start his senior year in high school next year. He hasn't had sex with his wife for the past 6 years except on special occasions. Andy had started noticing his wife had gained weight, he started believing that she didn't seem to cooked as good as she used to and he started feeling like he really didn't like her hair.

Benjamin is 54 years old. He has been married or 30 years in September. He has 3 grown children and 2 Grandchildren. He has attained a level within his company that he worked extremely hard to get to. Benny plays golf and enjoys getting together occasionally with a few guys to play poker. Outside of poker nights he rarely does anything without his wife and other couples. He loves his wife and everything they share but she has not had any interest in sex in the past 4 years.

What do all of these guys have in common?..... they enjoy time with me at least two or three times a month. If their wife found out how would she react?.... it varies

What exactly is the benefit one might ask to visiting an escort on a regular basis....

In the first case it might relieve the pressure of the demand to have sex that Eran used to place on his wife. He now understands that she just can't manage everything she is obligated to and sex just wasn't high on the list of things she needed to focus on. He doesn't grab and plead anymore for her to have sex with him and he isn't obsessed with trying to make it happen. His wife enjoys their time together and seems calmer now that she isn't noticing the pressure he used to place on her to have sex.

In Darren's case, his benefits are often appreciated by his wife as he seems to be more interested in the emotional fulfillment he gets when he makes love to her and his behavior isn't driven by a need to satisfy the sexual appetite for that physical he used to want so much.

In the third case, Andrew's satisfaction from his occasional encounter took the resentment out of the relationship that he was developing from lack of sex. He realized it wasn't her cooking or cleaning or looks that were annoying.... it was just the fact that he wasn't getting laid!

Benny learned how to separate his physical desires from the pleasures he had outside of the bedroom. He enjoys the time he spends with his wife. He appreciates the home they have, the friends they have and the family they share. Benny learned how to separate the physical need from the rest of his life and he has been happy with the situation every since. His wife likes the friendship that they now seem to share. She also enjoys having him as a Golf partner as he can hold his own on the course.

I have heard every degradation in the book as to the damages and harm a husband might impact on his marriage by visiting me. -But- I have also seen first hand how much an occasional meeting with me can improve a marriage.

Women do not have to fear that their husband will fall in love with me or leave them to be with me... I don't want them forever, I just want to enjoy them for a little while.

Some people claim that escorts erode the very foundation of a marriage.... this is far from the truth. Escorts do not bond with their clients, they might share experiences and talk through challenges facing the gentleman but they do not want to bond with him and forge a love affair. Escorts, like myself, realize the time spent with a man is not reality... it is a break from his normal routine of life. I realize it ends when he leaves my presence.

Now the obvious.... when men want to have sex and their life partner isn't interested they will find other avenues. Whether this leads to an affair with the secretary, uncomplicated, but dangerous sex with a stranger or an emotional fling that changes everyone's life involved forever .... just varies with each gentleman. A man will get sexually satisfied if he is wanting sex. Whether he chooses a responsible avenue, where nothing will ever come back to haunt him or whether he ventures down a path of self destruction is sometimes just a matter of thought and planning.

I have witnessed both scenarios and trust me the first is much more responsible.... I am not going to ask you to leave your wife, I am not going to get pregnant with your baby, I am not going to call your home. I am not going to alienate you from your family or co-workers. I am not going to threaten your health or your lifestyle.

So much for the myths.... kisses Tori

While I certainly do not judge any of the married men that enjoy my company, but it's up to each man to accept that maybe he's not perfect and to not despise himself for it.

Rationalizing it away seems too simple.  

Having said that, all of you married men that desire to see me, call and I'll put your mind and body at ease, promise.


-- Modified on 5/18/2006 7:43:59 PM

Reispelling the Myth......

I agree that hobbying isn't something that undermines the institution of marriage.  Rather, hobbying for the married man is a symptom of something that has gone awry in his marriage and/or life.
In some cases  hobbying started as a response and revenge for finding out about an SO's   affair.  In other cases, and I've discussed this with other hobbyists, there is a real issue with sexual addiction or at least an addiction to hobbying and all the hoopla (like this board) that goes with it.

The men that hardly ever get sex at home are a different situation.  Tori states this in such a way as to make it seem like a normal course of events.  That I disagree with.  When a couple, who rarely has sex, stay together it usually is out of their friendship and/or for practicle matters (finances, kids, not wanting to be single, etc).  Unless there is a health issue involved lack of intimacy in a relationship is a serious sign that there is trouble.  A lot of the men Tori writes about shouldn't be too surpriesed if they find out that their wives are also having extra-marital flings.


-- Modified on 5/19/2006 4:05:49 PM

Reispelling the Myth......

Intersting perspectives. My $.02 worth of rambles.....in reading the boards here I see that there are  a ton of individual circumstances and there are many simularitiies. YMMV. I have only started in this hobby a few months ago but occasionaly try to understand if there is any underlying causation I do not want to recognize(being a bit thick). My situation is closer to Andrews above being together 30 yrs, with my wife having physical condition preventing enjoyment therefore frequency. Surgery not an option. Its been 13 yrs of frequency reduction and last 2 years of evey other month if that.  NFL is right that the lack of intimacy that accompanies lack of sex does undermine a relationship but it is the chicken and egg scenario.  In my instance this hobby has removed the LOS resentment and allows me to more objectively see where I can do my part in improving our level of intimacy and reduced sex.  I don't know if I am evaluating this clearly or rationalizing since I am definitely enjoying the variety this hobby offers.  This is on my mind as well.....all of this is a work in progress and I don't have any conclusions I trust right now. Really like reading these boards as the variety of perspectives I am not exposed to otherwise, initiates self review and some contemplation.
That being said....
Tori-Tori-Tori!!!!
Where do you live????
Will you have my baby????
Call me at home!!!! )

Reispelling the Myth......

I am a noob to this world. My wife of over 20 years has no interest in sex,at all. She has a health condition which can make intercourse painful, both vaginally and physically. We have a great relationship otherwise. A friend of mind reccommended that I look into an escort service, and I found this site.
  However, I am very reluctant to actually start down this road. I am afraid that I would feel very guilty, and my wife would know something was up.
  But by God, I am also getting very tired of pleasuring myself. I am in my 50's, fit, and not bad-looking, and there are a couple of women at work that have asked me to lunch. I was debating whether or not to do that on a strictly friendly basis, but then try to steer things to a more intimate relationship
 As I have seen discussed here, and I agree, that could prove to be very dangerous.
 So that leads me back to using an escort, which I can afford once or twice a month. I will keep my  mind open and see what happens.

Reispelling the Myth......

Tori, I think you've nailed it for some of us. I love my wife, my children, and grandchildren. Never want to lose any of them. I'm 52, my wife is 58 and has had no desire for sex of any kind for many years. I found myself despising her for it but did not want to take the chances of an affair or any of the other traps associated with extramarital sex. Hobbying for me is perfect, without it, I may well have divorced my wife and torn my family apart by now. I wonder how many other marriages are SAVED by the oldest profession.....

Reispelling the Myth......

Great post Tori, right on target with my situation.
AM

Reispelling the Myth......

Been married 25years, two kids and a wife who never really  liked sex. Started active hobbying 5 years ago and it has saved my marriage. I can enjoy my wifes good qualities and my family without the frustration caused by our different libidos.

. . . on their reasons for hobbying, I take their words for it and certainly do understand; but if I have to consider the big picture, I would say that the vast majority of the reasons are rationalizations.

In the cases that you listed, the men sounded like capable problem-solvers, but I wonder how many of them actually tries to find a solution for their intimacy problems with their wives.

After reading these posts, I think a lot of married men are just settling for a 'less than good' marriage.  Seems to be a lot of reasons: genuine liking for partner, not wanting to tear family apart, etc.  
But the fact remains that we're sacrificing ourselves and a chance at a more satisfying, happier relationship by staying in a marriage that fails to meet our basic needs.  Women are much better at not doing this though, of course, this is a generalization.
Hobbying is an opiate to help us cope with the status quo.

It is truly a dilemma for me. My wife and I love each other. When we were much younger, we had a very active sex life together. She has had Rheumatoid Arthritis for 20 years ,which of course is not her fault. It makes physical activity painful, and also causes vaginal dryness. She has no interest in sex now. No interest even in physical contact like hugging or kissing.
It is extremely frustrating, and I am only cosidering this "hobby" out of desperation.

That's what I meant when I said the I understand individual cases. I certainly understand your dilemma.

I have been married for 20 years.  My wife has never really enjoyed sex and it used to not be a problem for me. We are very much in love and we are the best of friends.  We talk and do not have other issues.  When I was in my 30's and wanting it all the time, she made me feel guilty b/c I wanted to be with her. Being fit and trim back then, I did have some friends and coworkers interested in me, but never acted on it. My wife & I went from infequent sex to special occassions to never.  Now in my 40's and a little extra around the waist, I now want sex.  Affairs are messy, so I went this route.  I met with several women and decided on 2 regulars.  I have seen them many times and now I am having the best sex I have EVER had.

The unforeseen consequence, I am getting resentful of my wife b/c she cannot/will not share this important aspect of life with me.  I tried to back off from seeing the girls, but that hasn't helped.

Reispelling the Myth......

Just call me Andrew..

Reispelling the Myth......

Thank you, Tori. I love my SO, and I love sex. With the help of you ladies, I don't have to give up either.

Reispelling the Myth......

Tori, you are awsome. I hope we get to meet soon.

Reispelling the Myth......

My problem hasn't been lack of interest in sex by my girlfriend, On the contrary, she has more interest in sex than me. My problem is I don't find her attractive because she's fat.  She has gone through hell over being fat.  Otherwise, we get along very well. We've lived togother for 5 years.  My motivation for seeing an escort is to have a sex partner who is more attractive for starters.  That's the bottom line for me.  I'm so shallow.