I'm sorry if I came across as an a-hole. I was having a really bad day yesterday. Honestly, I am not really upset that I got put on a blacklist because I honestly want to get out of this hobby for good anyway. It's not really for me. However, the one thing I'm worried about is what some other poster mentioned about me being on this blacklist. Can prospective employers really find that in an internet search? She has is my name, email, and cell #. There's a million guys out there who have the same name as me, I'm sure of that. She has no other personal info like credit cards or any of that.
Did I get myself into a bad situation? Honestly, I meant no disrespect to this woman. I would never rip someone off or anything like that. I don't think I ripped her off by not paying the cancellation fee. She even said in her email that she understands that things happen, and if I don't pay the fee, she understands, but she must blacklist me from any future appts and place me on the national blacklist. Should I have informed myself as much as possible? Yeah I should have, I should have reviewed her website and all that. I didn't I made a mistake.
But I didn't feel like cancelling when I did screwed her over in anyway. At least I hope it didn't. But is being on this blacklist a terrible thing in terms of future employers?
-- Modified on 3/18/2011 6:20:24 AM
I don't know if this is how it normally works, but one provider just put me on her personal blacklist and said she had to put me on the national blacklist as well. I had to cancel an appointment with her because of business reasons. I gave her 24 hours notice because I found out a day before the appointment that I had to go out of town. I had just scheduled the appointment the day before that as well so only a day had gone by since I made the appt. She emails me back and tells me that her website specifically stated that you need to cancel within at least 48 hours of the date or else you have to pay $200. She wanted me to go and buy some ridiculous MoneyGram thing and put money on it and then call her with the confirmation number. This was never mentioned to me in earlier emails when I was booking her. And I didn't even bother looking at her website because I had no need to. I'm not going to pay $200 for cancelling 24 hours ahead of time. I'm sorry, but I think that's kind of ridiculous. It wouldn't have been as bad had this been told to me UPFRONT.
So now I'm on this scary blacklist...ooooooh. I don't even really care. I know another provider who I've seen multiple times and they will have no knowledge of me being on this blacklist. And I went to this blacklist site and it mentions how it protects providers against 'deadbeat' guys. I really don't think I am that at all. I cancelled within a reasonable amount of time for a good reason. To have to pay $200 because it wasn't 48 hours is ridiculous. I know that providers time is valuable, but it would have been nice had she told me to review her website and cancellation policy or at least told me about it in the initial emails after I made a booking.
Is this the norm? Was I just expected to go to her website and review her policies? Unless a provider warns me about her policies, I'm not going further than talking to her in email, I'm not going to go explore her website, I don't have time for that.
-- Modified on 3/17/2011 9:23:56 AM
It's not the norm, most providers will graciously accept a cancellation 24 hrs in advance. I've even done it a time or two myself. I've gotten the flu in the winter, had important customers want to see me at the last second, had family emergencies, etc. However, I would recommend, you make time to review a ladies web site, even if she has great reviews by veteran hobbyist. The web site can give you more insight into the lady. Really want to impress a lady, if she has a "gift" tab on her web site, bring her something from her gift list. It doesn't have to cost a fortune, candles, candy, a bottle of wine from Costco, a gift card from a favorite store. I've got a business to run, I'm pretty busy, but I can usually make time to grab a gift. You'd be surprised the dividends it pays. Finally, don't even think of paying her $$, I'd put her on your personal DNS list. Just move on lots of other great providers to see.
Doesn't read the terms of an agreement.
You're an inconsiderate ass. It's obvious in the sarcastic emphasis of your justification.
If you weren't so seemingly smug and actually read the terms of engagement you wouldn't be here blowing smoke up your own ass.
How's them apples?
Dude, you need to read the web site. That's why it's there so you know what's expected. She didn't warn you about the policies because it's on her web site. It is always to your advantage to read any and all information available in order to make a well informed decision and to prevent "stuff" from happening unnecessarily. If you don't have Time to be well informed it will cost you Time to deal with the stuff that hits the fan. Like the old Fram filter commercials, "Pay me now or pay me later".
That being said I think 24 hours is enough notice. But it's her business not mine.
From your post title and the line:
"So now I'm on this scary blacklist...ooooooh. I don't even really care."
you obviously do care or you wouldn't post here. Your sarcasm and obvious lack of respect for this woman are annoying. But I can't totally fault you. Yes, you should have read her website, but she should have pointed you to the policy as well.
I have an etiquette page on my website that lists everything a date needs to know to make it the best encounter possible for us both. I add the link to this page and request that clients read it when sending a confirmation email.
That said, you need to stop thinking this is a one sided transaction with you as the sole star. You must show her the same respect you would show anyone else.
I got blacklisted once. I was on my way to see someone I had never seen before. I had spoken to her several times and everthing was cool. I finally go to see her. She has a friend working with her that she did not have with her before. The friend checks my phone number and apparently someone blacklisted me on whatever site the freind subscribes to. This was all I ever heard about it. I saw many providers after that and none of them mentioned it.So I would not worry about it. There are so many blacklist sites that it doesnt really matter.
I am sure primus and readthesite would go to bat for the same provider if she NCNSed you, and you complained. A couple of morons, IMO.
Assuming your version of this is accurate, and your (supposed) somewhat cavalier attitude aside, this is not normal. Personally, I would not see ANY lady with such a cancellation policy. 24 hours is plenty of notice, especially for a local lady, and is part of doing business. Yes, you should always read the fine print, but who does?. She is WELL within her right to put you on a personal DNS list, and to tell her friends (assuming she doesn't lie - and we know providers NEVER lie!).
Your personal situation, and the amount of personal information she has, ultimately determines how serious it is to be listed on the National Blacklist, which shows up on "google searches". If she has your true name, do you want that showing up on an escort blacklist site if a prospective employer is researching your background?
IMO, ANY consideration due a provider would depend on the specific circumstances and the expenses she may have incurred directly as a result of you, and ONLY you. For example, if she came to your area, which is not her norm, to see you, and booked a hotel. That is an expense incurred specifically for you (hotels have 24/48 hour cancellation policies).
For a local lady, or a lady on her regular tour? The likely circumstances for reasonable compensation are drastically reduced. Being listed on the NLB for cancelling the day before your appointment, ESPECIALLY the day after making it, is just stupid.
I would:
- Check the national blacklist and "google" for your name, email, TER handle, etc. Anything she might have for personal info.
- If she does make a posting, make sure it's accurate.
Then, based on your personal situation and what she posts, make you call about what to do. Personally, I would feel I have little to lose in such a situation (if she posted personal information on the NBL), so I would tell her that I would out her on all the boards for her action. NO hobbyist wants to see such a drama queen. Keep it between the two of you until its time to go public. Keep any correspondence (such as emails) that support your story. Keep it factual and professional at all times.
I'm sorry if I came across as an a-hole. I was having a really bad day yesterday. Honestly, I am not really upset that I got put on a blacklist because I honestly want to get out of this hobby for good anyway. It's not really for me. However, the one thing I'm worried about is what some other poster mentioned about me being on this blacklist. Can prospective employers really find that in an internet search? She has is my name, email, and cell #. There's a million guys out there who have the same name as me, I'm sure of that. She has no other personal info like credit cards or any of that.
Did I get myself into a bad situation? Honestly, I meant no disrespect to this woman. I would never rip someone off or anything like that. I don't think I ripped her off by not paying the cancellation fee. She even said in her email that she understands that things happen, and if I don't pay the fee, she understands, but she must blacklist me from any future appts and place me on the national blacklist. Should I have informed myself as much as possible? Yeah I should have, I should have reviewed her website and all that. I didn't I made a mistake.
But I didn't feel like cancelling when I did screwed her over in anyway. At least I hope it didn't. But is being on this blacklist a terrible thing in terms of future employers?
-- Modified on 3/18/2011 6:20:24 AM
The answer to your question depends on what "blacklist" she puts you on. There are several. In particular, the National Blacklist is searchable. We can't use real names on here, so try this:
Lets assume your name is "ninfa luna" and you're from Baltimore. Google '"ninfa luna" baltimore'. Check the first hit. If you have a common name, this is certainly less of an issue, and I would worry less about this.
However, IMO, she is still a total C***, if she were to put you in a national blacklist site for cancelling the day after making an appointment, and a full day before the appointment.
She should be named, IMO.
So you cancelled. You didnt read the website terms and you didnt bother to pay her the 200 dollars. I dont see the point to any of this. Are you mad? I dont think you should be. This could have been avoided if you had read the terms. You didnt but she gave you a costly exit, which you decided to ignore also. You cancelled, didnt read, didnt pay the fine.
No, I'm not mad. I'm just concerned about this blacklist I am now on.
After reading this thread, I Googled and found the national blacklist site.(or *a* national blacklist... I don't know how many there are) Anyway, as a newbie hobbyist, I found it educational to see the reasons guys get blacklisted. Of course, common sense and respect seem to be plenty to keep you in the clear -- but still, the blacklist is yet another resource of Do's and Dont's (mostly Dont's) for the true newbies out there. I recommend taking a look at it.
Okay, first, I'm not a moron, if I have to cancel an appointment, I call as soon as I find out (and can do so discretely, not that hard, go outside and use your imagination) and apologize as much as I can. She may have turned down an appointment or two to fit me in and now I cancelled her meal-ticket for at least the hour(s) I was scheduled.
But, what if you do run across a jerk companion. Is there a way to prove you learned your lesson and get off the blacklist? Perhaps email the list manager references from some of the girls you have seen since the posting, perhaps?
Just curious, there is hardly a thing in this world that is permanent short of death and taxes, and we're getting closer and closer to being able to reverse death!