I am relatively new to the hobby, making my first plunge this summer. I have not repeated yet. I actually have a question, mostly for providers. I am a black man. I have read on a couple of sites that some providers do not see men of certain races. Is this common? Should I always preface my communication with, "by the way, I'm black, are you OK with that?" I am 33 and a professional and consider myself pretty clean cut.
I'm not trying to dispute anyone's reason's for doing this, just trying to figure out how common this is and if i need to behave in a certain way.
I like women of all races by the way. I guess I am equal opportunity like that.
some won't see obese, some shun Jews, and MANY won't see guys under 25, or 30. It's a fact of life. The Hobby is NOT selling donuts, and is VERY personal. Ladies reserve the right to see whom they want, or don't want to see.
Again, I am not saying anyone doesn't have the right to not see anyone, nor am I trying to fault anyone if they do. All I am trying to figure out how common this is and how I should deal with this. I certainly don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to see me. I just want to avoid anything uncomfortable,and know if there is an accepted etiquette for this. Thanks
He made it clear that he's NOT interested in learning nor disputing the reasons behind a lady's decision to turn someone down based on race/ethnic group. He's only interested in learning how often does it happen and how to manage such situation right from the start....
RuudVanDerHass
I would hope most ladies who do have a preference for race would note that on their website (or ad), but not all will, and that doesn't sound fun to find out when you or she arrives at the door. If you're sending her an email, perhaps you can include a brief general description of yourself. What you wrote here would be great, actually: "I'm a 33 year old black man, professional, and consider myself pretty clean cut." That way she'll know and be able to let you know if that is a deal breaker for her. I like having at least a vague impression of what my dates look like beforehand anyway. Gives me something to think about when I'm getting ready. 
I see men of ALL races, most of my regular clients are caucasian and asian..... I think it's wrong to discriminate, but to each their own. All the ladies have a right to their own preference, so yes, that would be good for you to state that, so just in case, you wouldn't be wasting your time.
It would be very difficult to give you a specific number or percentage of ladies who decline seeing certain gentleman due to race. I am an "equal opportunity" provider. However, I have been told by many of my black clients that some providers choose not to see them for that very reason. Since not all providers indicate their guidelines on their website, I think it is best to mention it in an email. The last thing you want to do is waste your time preparing to see a provider, only to be rejected and disappointed at the door!
Best Wishes...
Paris
Tell them. Most ladies will not put anything on their site other than perhaps an age restriction. Save yourself a lot of aggravation and simply mention it during your introductory email or phone call.
There are a lot of ladies out there who don't state they won't see a particular gent for age, race, weight, or even if you have a beard. Many fear being called raciest or too particular. I have no opinion on that but I do find it helpful when a person describes what they are like. For instance, I'm 5'7, 38D,30,36 as of now. So I am no waif but not a BBW by any means. If I were a BBW and didn't say that you could show up and be disappointed.
I think the same way you read our profiles is a good way to respond in kind. While I have no preference, I don't like an asshole to show up. If you do I tell you to leave. There is no debate in that.
That being said, I would give a profile of myself the same as I have read about the lady. It's fair. No time wasting and no disappointment.
AR
XO
You come across as one who understands some of the realities and complexities of the situation, and you articulated your question quite well.
Is it common? I doubt we have reliable statistics on the subject. It definitely happens in Atlanta and the Carolinas. How often? Who knows but I'll spin your question and will tell there are LOTS of top notch providers who WILL see African-American men. Your efforts should be directed in identifying those who will and not those who won't...
Should I always preface my communication with ? Yes, I'd encourage you to do so. It's part of clear communication, which should always happen.
One last thing....a gent can be turned down for one (or more) reasons (and those go beyond the scope of this discussion). Always remember that -if it happens- it may be completely unrelated to a gent's ethnic or racial background.
Happy hobbying!
RuudVanDerHass
Should contain a description about you, including race. For me, I simply use SWM...for you, SBM or MBM should suffice. Wouldn't make a big deal about it, just mention it as part of your description that includes other important info such as age, profession, height and weight, where you heard about her, etc. Remember, you are trying to sell yourself at this point as if you were posting an ad on a dating site, and get her attention as being a potentially promising new client. If race is a factor for her, you will have made a full disclosure, and if she contacts you back to set an appt., you have every reason to expect her to not a have a problem with it.
They don't want you guys stretching out their pussies and having all of us lesser endowed white guys complaining that it feels like sticking it in a jar of mayo.
I'm kidding of course. I have no idea why some girls choose to discriminate. I only know of one girl who has this stipulation. I don't think it's common practice.
And I don't think you should have to preface every communication with your race. I don't say hey my name is T-Ferg and BTW I'm a melanin deficient American.
Some ladies have a race field on their contact forms, so if they ask you should obviously tell them. If they don't ask I'd assume they are indifferent to race. If they don't wish to see men of a certain race, age, or other demographic then it is their job to make that known.
-- Modified on 12/27/2008 4:38:32 AM
It doesn't matter to me if your Black or green or purple. Respect for my time, Respect upon entering my place, and Respect of a woman is what should matter and what's important to me.
It's a Provider choice who they see or the Race of who they see and it's just that simple! They should put that fact in their websites not to cause any misunderstandings!
And the Black Penis thing is a myth. LOL
I'm also an African American man who is new to TER though I'm not new to the hobby. I'm a retired college professor and I'm on the other end because I see Black women exclusively. It's simply a preference that I have and I therefore don't begrudge anyone else their preferences.
I do think that everyone should include race and a physical description during first contact simply for the sake of avoiding the waste of time that might occur.
After all time is the one thing that none of us know how much we have left.
...you want to see from a large selection on TER etc. Well, she is still a lady and gets to say 'no' for any or no reason - good, bad or indifferent. Otherwise it would be as passionless as a trip to McDonalds. If I wanted passionless sex, I could stay home and save a LOT of money!
I started to make an issue of this awhile back when I saw an ad for a black provider who clearly stated 'no black men.' I'm sure there is one hell of a story there, but it would all be speculation.
MVR
To me it is about respect-If a gentleman is respectful of me and my time-that is what matters not his race.
(link, edited by moderator, again)
-- Modified on 12/28/2008 4:23:27 PM