Unless your provider is thee consummate professional nothing concerning your intentions about other providers should be volunteered. Other than for referral purposes of course and even that can backfire.
It has for me, twice, merely providing referrals. It wasn't a deal breaker either time but it was certainly awkward. I don't do this to feel awkward. Let's not forget that these wonderful ladies we love to see are human, and female. Of course there are exceptions. You want to make it a party? For cripes sakes talk with them first!I met with a provider a few months ago and although there was no spark in a sexual way we seemed to hit it off ok in a friendly way. Since we both post on the same message board we kept in touch through the chat system there. It usually seemed ok but sometimes she would act jealous/ mad/ weird if I mentioned another girl I wanted to see and really seemed put out if I used her as a reference, which I only did twice.
Now to the point of this story; last week I asked her what her problem was, she said " you told me that you were looking to find one girl to have a regular gig with and I found out later you said the same thing to Provider A and provider B" . I said " I tell every girl that, because it's always true, that's what I'm searching for". She says " well. it makes you look like a player and a user of women". I was taken aback and didn't really know how to respond.
Is it bad thing to share what you are looking for from the hobby?
-- Modified on 2/10/2014 2:52:19 PM
Your business is your business. It's best to not discuss other people we know in the hobby with others as that leads to drama city as you can plainly see.
Some gals will stop at nothing to find out whom else you see (Which they can find out from your reviews anyways.), and then pump you for information.
This gal is being unprofessional and that's good enough reason to say goodbye and good luck.
It's not a good idea to do what you did, it's none of her business anyway. Girls talk to each other, obviously. Also suggest you put an end to that 'friendship' immediately, it's not going to do you any good, as you have already seen.
Talk to guys, not the gals.
Swim
I didn't know any guys, I know a few now 
Talk to guys, not the gals.
Swim
when will you guys ever learn that these ladies know everything about us..it is their business too..
Talk to guys, not the gals.
Swim
Unless your provider is thee consummate professional nothing concerning your intentions about other providers should be volunteered. Other than for referral purposes of course and even that can backfire.
It has for me, twice, merely providing referrals. It wasn't a deal breaker either time but it was certainly awkward. I don't do this to feel awkward.
Let's not forget that these wonderful ladies we love to see are human, and female.
Of course there are exceptions. You want to make it a party? For cripes sakes talk with them first!
the only time I mentioned other girls was when informing her I was using her for a reference.
But I guess I do tend to babble though.
That was what bit me both times. References.
It's damn awkward. I totally understand the ladies wanting to feel secure and I have absolutely no problems with that. I know I would if I was in their position.
But tossing a little drama into it gives it a bit of a sour taste.
It's why I joined P411, but the second time happened going thru P411.
What to do... what to do...
it's obvious I wasn't clear enough.
When talking to a provider is it bad to mention you are looking for a regular thing?
Wow! What a subjective question.
Certainly not something I'd lead off with. When you are looking at buying a new car do you immediately let the salesman know how much you really, really, want a certain car?
God I hate analogy! Ladies you are so much more important than a mere physical possession!
Continuing my soul destroying analogy, take it for a test drive first? See how things work out?
If she responds better in the hopes of future purchases, is she the regular thing you are looking for? If she is absolutely stellar with no mentions of future visits, isn't she worth seeing again?
And like any relationship (Yes! Your time with providers IS a relationship! Although maybe not the "Is this someone I want to spend the rest of my life with?" type.) It is still a relationship and will change, grow, or end. As we mature and become more comfortable with this lifestyle so do the ladies (much faster for the ladies I would presume). I have no idea of the proportions but I would hazard to think many ladies prefer a steady, dependable, client over "Monty, I'll take what's behind door #1" every night.
I would tell the car salesman if I was looking to rent the car for an hour or lease it for awhile.
Certainly not something I'd lead off with. When you are looking at buying a new car do you immediately let the salesman know how much you really, really, want a certain car?
God I hate analogy! Ladies you are so much more important than a mere physical possession!
Continuing my soul destroying analogy, take it for a test drive first? See how things work out?
If she responds better in the hopes of future purchases, is she the regular thing you are looking for? If she is absolutely stellar with no mentions of future visits, isn't she worth seeing again?
And like any relationship (Yes! Your time with providers IS a relationship! Although maybe not the "Is this someone I want to spend the rest of my life with?" type.) It is still a relationship and will change, grow, or end. As we mature and become more comfortable with this lifestyle so do the ladies (much faster for the ladies I would presume). I have no idea of the proportions but I would hazard to think many ladies prefer a steady, dependable, client over "Monty, I'll take what's behind door #1" every night.
How did you come to that conclusion without doing some research, and possibly test driving, said vehicle?
You, my friend, need to take a trip to a Middle East bazaar with someone knowledgeable and learn haggling! Truly a different world!
When talking to a provider is it bad to mention you are looking for a regular thing?
I do enjoy conversation. I don't mind sharing "what's up" talk. I will tell about life events and like hearing about her's but if I mention my kids I don't give names, ages, schools, etc. I expect her to keep that info to herself as well though her mentioning her son plays baseball and hit a home run the other day (as example) is fine. I don't know his name, age, baseball level and so on.
There is a trust that is built up over time and then a little more info might be acceptable.
With rare exception I would not share what my plans are for how I hobby and who I may or may not see.
but have learned the hard way that clients going exclusive (remember the gal is not) is a bad deal. Eventually, you are taken for granted & service suffers. Even having a loose rotation of Fav gals does not necessarily prevent the poor service but takes longer. I find that having 2-3-4 Favs gives me options if I can not connect with one or if I want slightly different options.
I would not announce your intention to select a Favorite. Just rebook when you want.
All this said, I continue to look for additional potential Favs... I'm -2 right now. I do not make a secret that I am married and unless there's a tragic event, likely to remain so for the foreseeable future.
Ummmm...
Isn't marriage by definition a tragic event?
me about her dates, meaning when she has them, and sometimes who, if it's someone we have talked about. I, on the other hand, do not tell her about who I visit. Since she is not local to me, she wouldn't know them anyway, but why take the chance? Don't want to lose her friendship outside the hobby.
Swim
because I WAS looking for a provider who I would have as a "regular", but not exclusive, partner.
Now that I have an ATF, I see her almost all the time I have the funds to hobby.
I think your gal is just pissed you didn't pick HER. Most people are apt to feel a little rejected if you don't choose them
Guys are frequently told to have thicker skin and not to be "manginas" in this world.
Sounds like this lady could use some of that same medicine.
But really, if you got such a reaction from her, just move along and dissengage from further PMs with her (my opinion anyway).
Larger advice, just be youself and use your own intstincts, just like you hopefully do with conversations in all other settings (work, social, etc.). But also, do try to pick-up on the cues from the lady, you don't want to bore her to death! (I can occasionally be a nervous talker too, so I know how that can go!). But honestly, I think sessions are best when we feel like we are engaging with the real person, and I'd think ladies would generally find the time spent to be more interesting if the guy was confident in just being himself too (i.e., don't go in thinking about all the things you shouldn't talk about - except religion and politics, lol, those are never a good idea - unless you somehow know you are both in agreement!). Be yourself, be relaxed, have a good time and go with the flow...
I was laying in bed with a girl I met recently and we were just chatting after action. I had gotten along so well with her and we had so much in common I wanted to find something we disagreed on, so I went there, and asked her opinions. Surprisingly, or maybe not, we were in pretty much agreement on those subjects as well. She had a good laugh the next time I saw her and mentioned that was what I was doing, lol
Sounds like this lady could use some of that same medicine.
But really, if you got such a reaction from her, just move along and dissengage from further PMs with her (my opinion anyway).
Larger advice, just be youself and use your own intstincts, just like you hopefully do with conversations in all other settings (work, social, etc.). But also, do try to pick-up on the cues from the lady, you don't want to bore her to death! (I can occasionally be a nervous talker too, so I know how that can go!). But honestly, I think sessions are best when we feel like we are engaging with the real person, and I'd think ladies would generally find the time spent to be more interesting if the guy was confident in just being himself too (i.e., don't go in thinking about all the things you shouldn't talk about - except religion and politics, lol, those are never a good idea - unless you somehow know you are both in agreement!). Be yourself, be relaxed, have a good time and go with the flow...
I agree With Jstgttnstrtd Just move on!! I may be new to this board but not new to our hobby. I have been doing this for over 30 years. Yes be yourself If she don't like it move on! The last thing you need is DRAMA!! There are thousands of girls that will fill your needs. The way I see it is that your definition of a regular and hers is very different. It took me some time but I have found some regulars that are true professionals, we both know that it is a business . We sometime talk about family and my business, but I know that is what I pay them for. If you are looking for a girl friend this the wrong place, but if you want to have fun and good sex please keep looking. Remember what Jstgttnstrtd said " Be yourself, be relaxed, have a good time and go with the flow..."
Enjoy life skip the drama- Move on!!
henryb61
I've had gals tell me about their real families (less names)... I won't say I've never given this type of chatter but it's really not a smart thing. If you have a good job... you don't want to be giving much info. I really try to steer conversation to hobbies or something that can't bite me in the arse or at least less likely too.
Best not to talk about other gals, ever.