The last thing that I expected was to be contacted by a wife......BUT SHE DID!!! She called and left two messages on my phone last night (nobody has my phone number but I give it to clients the day of our session!! So she got it from him!).

Do I have to worry about my safety? Will she call the police?


Has anyone ever had to deal with this?

I thought that this business was supposed to be discreet? I have never been so wrong....

I'm truly okay though still enjoying my summer and having fun with friends and providing on the side. But good God, I abhor drama; however, it seems like it's inevitable with this business.


Thank you for listening to me....I really appreciate it.

One of my girls poses as an HR consultant when wives call her, which happens on a daily basis.  She tells these women that people call her when they are looking for possible new job opportunities.

Wives can be criminally psychotic.  This girl used to get threats of violence and very frightening phone calls.  What's the wife going to tell the cops?  Her husband has your phone number?  If anything, you can call the cops on her for harassment or even just threaten it.

Some of this may sound kind of dumb, but as an electrician who designs, installs, and troubleshoots electrical controls, some of them pretty complex, I've found that eliminating the obvious can minimize the rest of the problem.     Are you sure it was a clients wife? (caller ID?). Could have been a prank, though I doubt it.    Being a female, you're probably pretty good at reading between the lines, give yourself a few days to get over the initial shock, then re-listen to the messages, from a more objective perspective.    Obviously, screen your phone calls for a while, the last thing you need is her, live, on the phone.    From her perspective, does she even know for sure just who you are? Or maybe she is paranoid, found a phone number, and decided to check into it.    Have you talked to the client yet? Remember, he's going to be trying to save his own skin, so you might not get the whole story here.   Put on your Sherlock Holmes hat and pipe, and do a little investigating, things like this come up so we can look at ourselves as well as others.  From reading your posts here, you're a pretty smart, even-keeled person, and you'll come out of this even wiser than before.   Best of luck!!        P.S. Being in the middle of something like this is never much fun, you always assume the worst, and it's never that bad.

I hope you have a professional, non-sexy voicemail greeting.  And you're probably clever enough not to give your home address out to anyone.  You can do incall in your home if you really want, just don't give the address.  Because you don't want anyone showing up unexpected, especially not some middle-aged woman looking to slap the hell out of you.

As a provider to Gentlemen who play in the Hobby there are several pre-cautions that a provider should take to ensure her "clients best interest" is a priority.

First, the number used to communicate with Hobbyists should not be listed in your name.(*A corporation that has levels of insulation is ideal) This also keeps you, as a provider straight with IRS.

Next, in the unlikely event that a "wife" does contact you.... I would advise you to not avoid the call. (*Avoiding the call only prolongs the inevitable and adds more anger to the mix*) If you develop methods of communicating and take pre-cautions when you are establishing a relationship with Hobbyists, you should
never have a wife think of your involvement, nor give her any reason to contact you.

(~In the past eight years, I have had 4 wives contact me. Three are still married to their husbands, .... one divorced him but was unable to implicate me in the divorce~)

I will inject here a statement I have made several
repeatedly in regards to a Providers involvement:
......"One of a providers top priorities should be
to protect her client....."  That is really what a
gentleman wants from an Escort, protection that his little indiscretion isn't going to destroy his family, business or reputation.

First line of defense is denial. Explain the number much have been called in error and that you have no recollection of speaking with anyone from the number she is claiming was in contact with you. I do not answer any allegations nor do I feed into their anger.

Straight simple denial is all I offer. If she is still raging, explain she is obviously incorrect in her allegations and she should contact the legal firm that represents you.

It is noted at this point that every provider should have both criminal defense as well as family practice lawyers known by them on a personal level. It is also helpful to have the Family Practice Firm, known in your area to represent high end divorces... on
retainer so they legally represent you. This is a
behavior that is known to providers as an added
expense that might help protect in the future.

If push turns into shove and "wifey" gets a private investigator, etc.... then you will know how well you have done your job as an escort.

First, if she does decide to file for divorce (*with the plan of "taking everything he has" ) You will not be drug into it by her if she tries to retain your legal counsel. (*Most large cities have three or 4 really hard hitters that prey on women in the emotion state you are describing, just wanting a divorce and everything they can get*) If you are named third party then this can avoid the subpoena's, depositions, harassment etc....  (*An added bonus is that if you
are under representation already then she can not use that firm to start her legal filings*)

Again welcome to the hobby. I was sorry to read your situation. Another helpful suggestion is that you join a discussion board where Escorts not only blog their experiences (*which can help you gain insight*) but they also have -private- boards with varied topics that can help you as well...... I wish you the best. The Hobby is suppose to operate with discretion.

Discretion is usally desired by the Hobbyist but executed by the Provider.

kisses........ ~Tori

I hope if someone goggle your number, nothing will turn up.

As always Tori your post was well spoken. I truly think you should explore the option of formal training of newbies! I know several women that would sign up asap! I agree with your post in relation to a proactive plan in place for the safety of the prov. & friends alike. I do feel however that the surge of prepay cell phones is a worthy option. The phones require zero truth for initiation. Purchase of minutes is as easy as buying a pack of m&m's! Just an option, no true tracking methods if you do not charge the phone with cc-obviously. Now as far as the Mrs. contacting you, an innocent response may be "I am sorry, this is a new # you must be trying to reach the previous owner"."I am very sorry for the confusion, I understand why you are upset. I would be upset if it were my husband as well". That statement may be appropriate. If you feel the Mrs. has greater knowlege then a phone# you need to alter your response.(this will be clear following her reaction to above mentioned statement). The proactive, not reactive approach is a standard within this lovely world. Communicate with your friends asap & discuss your "standard" plan. You do not have to be lengthy and "scare" anyone but you MUST educate each other. Simply sit &  think how you would set out to"catch" someone in a fib. OK now figure out the correct road blocks. Your friend needs to consider the same. Good luck, Angel

Yes, that sort of thing happens from time to time - and I know several ladies to whom it has happened on occasion.

But on a daily basis???  There is some kind of serious problem there!!!

You amazing woman! Thanks for your help! You went above and beyond the call of duty.
I met this gentleman once while he was visiting from another town. I never called his business or his house, and I never even called his cell phone. We spoke briefly on the telephone when he was coming up to my hotel room.
I will never do incall at my home....always a hotel.
My voicemail is standard "Cingular Wireless" lady. Neither my voice nor my name is on my voicemail.
I haven't contacted the man about this yet.
Do you advise that I do so we can make up a story? I don't want this to be involved or dramatic. I want to let it pass....but you were right about my duty to protect the discretion of my client.
AHHHH, what if she is on this board too!!!! and is reading all of this???????????

Hey Tiger, thank you for your advice too!

Life's a trip......

Tori,

Thank you for posting this...

F2

Then my suggestion is you buy a 44, have your attorney file a restraining order against her and move on with your life.

If she is a wife and is reading everything that is
placed on the Internet in regards to the Hobby, then she has serious emotional and probably mental
problems. There is nothing you can do.

Live your life, protect yourself and always interact with clients in a manner that you can always think highly of yourself about.

Best of luck   ~T

But at least 6 wives have called her in 4 weeks.  Some of them keep calling every few minutes until she picks up and threatens to call the cops for harassment.  

Sometimes after she does the HR consultant routine, the wife will just burst into tears.  If it gets to this point, you know he's been fucking around a long time and their marriage is about to collapse.  

If I start speculating as to what type of women these hobbyists are married to I'm bound to offend someone, so I won't.  Contrary to popular belief, almost all cheating husbands love their wives deeply.

I am sorry to hear that you are dealing with this, but alas it does seem to be part of the business as most of the ladies I know have had calls or emails from wives on occassion.

You say that you thought this business was supposed to be discreet...and it is, but the burden of that is placed more on the ladies than the clients it seems.  You are the one that is supposed to be discreet, the clients should be too, but it seems some don't do well in that area, and then you are expected to cover up whatever the wife may have found out.  

The first rule it seems is deny everything, if he only called you once, I would think the best possible course of action in this case is to play ignorant, and suggest that it must have been a wrong number, that you don't know anyone by her husband's name and you have no idea what she is talking about.  

Of course that is kind of dependant on how she got your number, if she found it through phone records, either a called number list on the phone, or from a phone bill, denial will probably work.  If though it is from a phone bill that lists the length of the call and it was a longer call than could be explained by a wrong number then she isn't going to believe that...

If on the other hand she got your number in either that way or some other and confronted her husband who then gave you up....that muddies things a bit more...I'd still try for denial though.  

I have discovered in reading boards, talking to ladies and doing websites, setting up emails addresses and other things, that often the weakest link in the chain is the client himself.  Some will use home email addresses, main cell phones (with shared bills for phones for the wife and/or kids), some will use usernames on boards that are the same as his email address, etc...and if the wife finds any of this and contacts you, it is now on you to cover his ass better than he did.  

If the client does love his wife, and doesn't want his marriage to end he will be inclined to do and say anything to save himself and his marriage, and that can include offering you up, and telling his wife "everything" in the hopes of being forgiven (interesting thing about many wives; they would rather blame the woman her husband saw than her husband for any extra-marrital activities).

I have read many posts on these boards where ladies have been contacted by wives that have her phone number, email address, website address, and even knows of what happened in the session...it happens.

In your case it seems she only knows a phone number so deny ever speaking to her husband, act like you have no idea what she is talking about, and offer that perhaps it was a wrong number (also hope that it was just a number she found in a phone that was called once and that he didn't actually rpogram your number in with your name....though you can still go for wrong number and say he must have programed it in wrong as you do not know him).

If you have the client's email address, and are quite sure it is secure (from his wife) I would email him and let him know you have been contacted by her, this will give him and you a chance to work out how best to deny your knowing each other or at least knowing each other from this business.

A quick aside to Miss Tori and her apparent disdain for "wifey(s)"...how exactly if a woman finds out her husband has beeen seeing providers and reading TER she then reads TER does that indicate an emotional or mental issue?  You may be far wsier than I, but I can't see how being right equals emotional or mental issues.  I assume if she suspects her husband of infidelity because he does see providers and she is right on that...that is an emotion issue as well?  *smirk*

However having some knowledge of guns & ballistics I would recommend a "Glock 27"
It is a small, easily concealable Poly-framed (IE: light weight) semi-automatic that shoots a .40 S&W-caliber(10mm)bullet. It affords nearly the same knockdown power as a .44 or a .45auto but is infinitely more "female friendly" in respect to size, weight kickback and muzzle flip.
Glock 27
http://remtek.com/arms/glock/model/40/27/index.htm

 The “Ruger” SP-101 is a great small framed 5 shot revolver that can be had in the calibers of 38special & 357magnum as well as varying barrel lengths if the simplicity of a traditional revolver is desired.
http://www.ruger.com/Firearms/FA-Family.jsp?type=Revolver&subtype=Double%20Action&famlst=9&variation=Satin%20Stainless

My choice for home security is of course somewhat non-PC.


-- Modified on 8/5/2006 2:31:06 PM

Why is she calling you? If it wasn't you, it would have been another provider. She should be blaming him and not bothering you. He called you for the service, not you calling him. Tell her to take care of her man and stop being a bitch and maybe she wouldn't be in this situation!

I wish you good luck!!!

The very point was once she saw the weapon .... I wouldn't have to fire it. (*Save the lecture, I have already been informed that my thinking goes against all formal training*) ~But thanks for the info-

Kisses.....  ~Tori

Why (might a few of you ask) do I think a "wifey" who has reason to believe or suspects her husband might be involved ... is, in my opinion emotionally & mentally unstable to be reading TER & calling providers.....(*good question, glad you asked*)

-Just in my thoughts .... mine only, not to be
confused with providers the world over, I speak only for myself) ... but if I had a husband that I thought was using a provider, behind my back & I felt threatened ... I would seriously be looking into repairing the relationship & examining my short comings and lack of ability to provide his
satisfaction and focus my energies on my marriage not a discussion board or an outside provider.

It is just my thoughts, but why pin point one specific provider because in fact, if it had not been this particular Lady, it probably would have been another.

Mentally & emotionally the focus needs to be on
herself & the relationship she has with this man and not the relationship the provider has with this man.

Those are my thoughts....and I thank you for opening the door to allow me to share them... kisses ~Tori

If your husband had called me, then he must be scoping out prospective job opportunities.  Please, I am very busy today and have other clients to attend to.  Have a nice day Madam.

Many middle-aged moms often let themselves go, stop going to the gym, stop trying to look pretty, and stop having an interest in anything that might make them feel sexy or attractive.  (Not my own mom of course, she goes to Curves like every day.)

So these women often feel insecure at this point and may escalate the problem by refusing sex to their loving, hard-working, yet innattentive husbands.  Then these husbands go straight to the awaiting arms of Tori, who will give them the tender loving care and adventerous sex they are missing at home.  Both husband and wife are equally at fault.  It takes serious effort to keep a relationship alive, and I will discredit myself by admitting to be so pathetically single it hurts.

Tori, if I draw the flames away from you for this, then you can thank me with an appointment if I ever make it to the ATL.

luv ya,
Tiger

The act of BRANDISHING a weapon carries a stiff felony. If a weapon is to be unsecured it is to be used for defense of ones life. Only in that instance is it defensible.

-- Modified on 8/6/2006 11:07:21 AM

OK, I'll be the asshole and say it:

The wife doesn't want to break up her family.  She probably needs safety and security and has kids and whatever.  So naturally, she doesn't want to fuck that up any more.  

So who else is there to blame? The sexy young provider who she doesn't even know!  

Yelling at a guy is probably not going to be very satisfying as he'll just go have a beer and watch the game.  Nobody really minds sleeping on the couch.  I do it all the time and I'm a bachelor.  But yelling at a young woman can probably put her in tears or frighten her a little bit and that can be enough satisfaction for a middle-aged housewife.  Even if it's not, women like to pick fights with each other all the time.  I have sisters.  And my favorite provider gets into bar fights with other girls like every weekend.

And cheating husbands almost always love their wives dearly.  They just love sex too.

Anyone who wants to flame me, go right ahead.  Better me than Tori.  She will shoot to kill!

As I stated in my suggestion above: Go through your attorney and get a restraining order or order of protection. As I understand it, a restraining order/order of protection does imply the right to bear arms in defense of one's property & life.

Holding a firearm does not constitute Brandishing. My residence, fortunately lies within Fulton County and Escambia County... in DC within the Common Law of Virginia. Brandishing a firearm within one's home is an unlikely charge provided my serenity has been challenged by the individual in violation of the Restraining Order/Order of protection against them.

I have recently been informed however, that
maintaining a registered firearm as well as having the ability to persuade an authority to issue a
restraining Order may be barred by a conviction of
drug use/ drug possession or other type criminal
behavior. So, depending on your situation my plan of action maybe outside your scope of reality.

I personally exercise the right to bear fire arms in my home or registered domicile. I would actively place a restraining order against the woman who is harassing me and I would have
no problem explaining my rights if she violated my
known Privacy (*and the area surrounding it*)by hunting my location down.

Noted, it is not a crime to draw a weapon and not fire it. It is also not always considered Brandishing a firearm, should you point a weapon and not pull the trigger. In most states within our country protecting yourself and your home is not unlawful. It would definitely not be Brandishing a firearm if you were in possession of a weapon with intent to protect yourself against a threat of deadly force. (*If an order of protection/restraining order is in effect then the individual breaking that order is demonstrating a threat of deadly force*) -I'd probably let my attorney argue in court, he's the expert.... but I  have no problem using a firearm to imply my personal safety will be ensured.

Of course your individual rights and individual
situation may vary.

Bottom line:  I don't interact w/ women who consider themselves that 'wifey' thing. (*and who frequently demonstrate they feel they are "in the right" with any behavior they may choose, following the realization of their husband's involvement in the hobby*)

Again... just my personal thoughts based on my
personal experience  PLAY SAFE
know your provider (and her reputation)  ~T

I am all about rights..... but one individual rights end when they cross the boundary of another.

Harassment is harassment. If the woman is calling
continuously put a stop to it. I have both empathy & sympathy for women who are suddenly forced to deal with the reality that they are no longer meeting the needs of their husband.  -But- my sympathy stops when a 'wifey' steps over the line and starts emailing and calling a provider. (*even posting on discussion boards*)

Let them deal with their husband.... the problem she has lies within her own relationship and has nothing to do with the provider.

~And please don't get the wrong impression of me,
filing a restraining order/order of protection isn't something I would do without serious thought. (*I have emails forwarded to my attorney, as recently as two weeks ago....*) If it is a threat then I act accordingly... if it is a moment of anger then I forgive and forget. AS long as I do not feel threatened then I just let the water run under the bridge.

As I posted recently, if it continues then I will
involve my attorney. (*some are cute but enough is
enough.... just go on about your life and GET OVER  IT !!!*)  I feel the wife should either file for divorce and move on.. or learn to deal with it and enjoy your life.

Again, Thanks... I have only replied with my personal thoughts based on my personal experiences.   kisses   ..... ~Tori

Out here you have to allow the intruder/assailant to bury their knife in your heart before you can counter attack.

Miss Siobhan because she is the one whose posts might be being read on a message borad or TER since they own the board?

And how does one stay 500 yards or whatnot from a message board?

Maybe it would have to be 500 links away from TER?

Also...how would a gun help exactly?  Shoot your computer?

*grin*

but I'm inundated by advice!! You guys are wonderful.
After sifting through some really good, and some really extreme advice, this is what I decree:
1. I only play with guns....it's a man's job to shoot them.
2. I would rather a lawyer hire me than me hire a lawyer
3.And finally: Eat, drink, and be merry!!!

I hope you learned some things and will be careful. Women can be very violent, just look at Tori!  just kidding Tori!

This is the weekend of rude awakenings.  On the TC board, some poor careless provider sent out all her clients' email addresses in one broadcast!

And I am just going to have to accept the fact that I'll never get to see you as you will quit providing and start your job before I can make it to Nashville.  That brings tears to my eyes.  Oh, Tori will probably retire too before I turn 30 and can see her.    *shows big puppy dog eyes*

I'm also glad you were able to get all of the info you were looking for.

Wives who belong (*or think they belong*) to gentlemen in the hobby can go to extremes..... trust me, it is very VERY valuable to have attorney's on your speed dial. I have known a few who totally loose grip of all reality(*including recognition of others rights to serenity) ......regardless of what advise you take, at least you have been made aware of all of the avenues available to you. (*and possibly the ramifications*) Best wishes  ~T

...and they also occasionally attempt to post, if they can get past those wily TER moderators.    Easier said than done...

My brother is currently in law school and is working for a really prestigious firm as a clerk right now.
AND I TOLD HIM WHAT I'M DOING!!!! he was very perceptive and did not judge me at all; in fact, he asked me lots of questions and was quite interested.
He said that if anything ever happens where i might need legel representation, both he and his firm that he's working for would help me....I love connections.
thanks again tori! you are like the love goddess of the newbie board...i adore you!

Siobhan, glad you have your whits about you and did not panic.  Best of luck.

I have been contacted a few times by wifes, and I always tell them that I am a travel agency, and it works every time. They get embarassed instead that they had been snooping around when the husband wanted to treat them with a vacation. I tell them that everything is ok, but they shouldn't tell their husband that they know since it was suppose to be a surprise. Then I secretly contact the client and let him know what happened.

-- Modified on 8/11/2006 6:52:26 AM

Reo not fool yourself, wives DO read this board...

hi