I cant see giving it. It seems like us guys would be blackmailed or publicly embarrassed ala Heidi Fleiss or Madam Palfray.

Now if you take the time to use the search function on the main page, looking for "screening" or "verification" or "newbie" you'll get tons of info on the subject!

Why ask for your work info?  Because we want to confirm who you are should we need to call the police after you leave!  We also want to lower the odds that you are a boy in blue.  The odds of a lady being stalked, arrested, beaten, robbed... they are much higher than your risk of being blackmailed or publically embarrassed.  Most of us simply want to do what we do, with absolutely no thought of causing you trouble in the future.  

That's why we ask.  Now, as to your discomfort, that is also understandable.  Just expect that your pool of potential ladies dwindles when you refuse to screen.  The good news is, many ladies waive screening once you have a couple of good references.

Determine your boundaries.  Minimize your risk.  Don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable.  Most of all - have fun!



-- Modified on 5/30/2007 7:26:45 PM

I'll tell them what I do but not where I work. It depends on your situation I guess. I think it's best to get your feet wet with providers who don't require that and politely ask them if you can use them as a reference. Like Sola said, once you've got those they don't give a shit where you work. I've never been turned down yet for not giving my work info.

I've had lunch/dinner with you a handful of times and I don't know what you do.  But then again, I wouldn't sleep with you, so it probably doesn't matter.

Excuse me, but as a new provider (TER approval pending) who NEEDS clients and reviews to provide MYSELF with references, I would NEVER book an appointment with someone who did not have at least one provider ref that I could check or a verifiable work number.  That's just asking for a bust or a bad experience.  Yes, I will lose some business.  Ask yourself, IMALLIN, if they don't care enough about their OWN safety, what makes you think they care about YOURS?  As one other lady put it, the risk is FAR greater for us than you.  As for the possibility of blackmail, most providers would be just as mortified as the client should our choice of careers become public news fodder.  Then again, hmmmm....are you rich or famous?  (Rubbing hands together in avaricious anticipation.)

So far as being blackmailed.  Honey if a girl wants to blackmail you, there are pinhole cameras,  she can have a PI back trace your phone number or e-mail.  She can simply write down your license plate as you leave or have you followed home.

She could also drug you and keep you in her basement as her personal sex slave forever too. (How delicious...) But it's not going to happen.

That's why you date a professional, as opposed to a ghetto girl off Craigs.  Professionals who probably make 2 or 3 X what you do anyway aren't going to blackmail you.  I've never heard of it happening.

I have heard of ghetto girls in "no-tell-motel" rondevous jacking guys up pretty regularly.

But a professional values your privacy and will protect it.  But she also wants to protect herself.

The reason Heidi and the Wash CD lady got attention was they had very high profile clients.  Trust me honey if you don't have an Oscar, Inside Edition doesn't care where you dip your wick.

Besides don't you know? You don't pay an escort for dating you - you pay her to go away afterwards!

Giggle,
TS Jamie

I'm not at all concerned about being blackmailed, I just don't want them calling my place of work. I'm sure a lot of people can relate to that.
Are you suggesting that if a reputable, well-reviewed provider doesn't ask me for a reference or my work info that I should be worried about my safety? You'll have to explain that logic to me.
Believe me, it takes very little information to do a full background check on someone these days. I know one provider who does that and did one on me. She sure doesn't need any work info to do it. If you're REALLY safety conscious, you might want to look into other screening methods. Just calling a guy at work or getting another provider to say he's OK won't tell you much. The Son of Sam had a verifiable job.

My first provider required two references no exceptions..I was so wary of her maybe being LE  I exchanged quite a few emails over a couple  months before I felt comfortable enough to make a appointment.. ROFL She evidently forgot  her reference rule because I saw her and she never asked me for any.. After that I used her for a  reference and once you have a few most girls won't ask you for job info.. If they ask me for too much info I just move on to other choices. They might worry about some of us being crazy but some of us worry about the potential of them going bonkers.I am a cowboy and I can not afford to have any ladies messing with my horses. I had a provider tell me recently she checked me out with my phone #.. I asked her how she did that and she said its a board providers can access. That was a new one to me.

You didn't SPECIFY a reputable, well-reviewed provider.  You advised a newbie hobbyiest to start with providers who didn't require screening.  I'm a newbie provider (TER approval pending),and perhaps I'm wrong, but judging from what I've read on the boards at several different sites, the reputable and well reviewed providers are the ones who usually DO screen.  Not like I, or any other provider, should be calling up with, "This is Nicole the Escort and I need to know if Joe Blow really works for you."  One can be professional.  "Hello, this is the Blah Blah Agency/Company.  May I have your HR department, please?  We would like to verify employment on Joe Blow.  Thank you."  Why is this such a big deal?  Would you get ticked off at a "regular" company or store for calling to verify employment?  It is a standard business practice.  We are essentially running a small business, so why should we behave differently?  We are extending a form of credit in scheduling a block of our time for you in the first place and trusting you will show up and are not a cop or a psycho.  It also seems to me that if a provider isn't concerned enough about her personal welfare to be cautious about who she sees, why should she be concerned about OTHER important issues, like maintaining proper hygiene, using safe sex practices, getting herself checked for STDs regularly?  That does affect YOUR personal safety, now doesn't it?  The little details that get drawn in tell you a lot about the big picture.  Oh, and all of us aren't private investigators.  What happens if you have a common name?  Bit harder to do a background check then without any specific info.  If you have any suggestions for us non-detectives short of hiring someone who DOES know all the other screening methods, which could lower our profit margins and make prices rise (ECONOMICS 101), please share the info.  Yes, there are the Son of Sam types out there who we aren't going to find out about until too late, but statistically, that is a small percentage.  A much LARGER percentage will turn out to be cops, people who want to stiff us, and whackos.  If we make it known that backgrounds will be dug into (as best they can be), then we at least weed some of the garden out.  I am now getting down off my soapbox.  Thank you.

What if a newbie has his/her own business? What give a I.D Numher to look up? that could work but i'm not even sure that is a option but considering most legit background check sites do take I.D numbers and SSN's. It be a fools mistake to give out their SSN Number. So how would you deal with a person having Home Base Business with no HR department to contact? Befor you come out with had to work befor starting home base... not really. its easy when you're part of the minority.

"Hi this is Alyssa at the Family Y. I am trying to contact Mister Smith. He left an item here the other day and we have been unable to reach him on his home phone and this is listed as his work contact number. Is he available to speak with? Oh he is, thank you very much yes I can hold."

I am a personal trainer. If a gentleman uses his work information this is usually what I say. I tell them that if someone asks why the Y called tell them you stopped in to inquire about a membership, filled out some paperwork and accidently left your sunglasses. No one would blink twice. I have never ever emberassed a single client with that call. Usually it sets them up to the idea that working out isn't a bad idea.  It's all up to the provider you choose and your comfort level. In the area I am in I see alot of newbies. I verify that their work information is an actual place. I then call to verify that they work there. Easy as one, two, three. Why would a well reviewed, reputable provider want to blackmail you anyways??? I have had several gentleman refuse to give me the information and it does not matter to me. Fine with me darling call someone else. If someone can not understand my desire to remain safe and "date" someone legit then screw him...but it won't be me.

The two I mention in the original post gave out their client list. Both were well rep providers for years. I just can't say I would trust someone with all the info. There has to be other ways than having the business info.

But what provider would ask for such ID?

The gals you mentioned are not providers, but madams that catered to the very rich, famous and powerful.  If any of these describe you, more power to you, and you have reason to be concerned.  However I expect that these women had little need to screen clients, given the nature of their businesses.

Another way that you can avoid this in the future is to find an agency or company that you like ... you only have to verify once and then you will be remembered with them and never have to do it again.