I'm 26.  Met my wife three years ago and I was a virgin.  She is also older (32) and has had a handful of partners.  We've had discussions even really early on in the relationship, that if we were to ever get married, she would not be opposed to me having safe, protected, non-emotional encounters with another because she wanted me to have those experiences in my life, like she did.  Her sex drive is also lower than mine and that probably will never change.  After our only child, I got a vasectomy.  That was the first step.

I'm currently on a business trip and she gave me permission to seek a provider.  This is something we have talked about numerous times and she's even said that she wished she could hire one for me.  I signed up here and read all of the reviews.  I contacted the best-reviewed provider in the area (28 raving reviews).  Her website lists her as newbie-friendly.  I was up front, telling her I was a newbie, and it was such short notice and a limited time.  I didn't think there was a snowball's chance in hell, but she responded, and I gave her my name , reason why I'm visiting the area, and proof of that reason (employment).  I took a photo of my driver's license and a photo in the mirror wearing a shirt with my company's logo, emailed to her from my company email.

To my surprise, she has agreed to see me for an hour tomorrow before my flight home.  I have so many questions, I don't know where to begin.  Because I'm brand new, I actually think that detail of the experience is as interesting to me as ...well you know.  I could honestly see the majority of our time talking about the hobby and asking her for advice.  Is this ok?

Some questions that I have:

She can verify my statements about why I'm in the area and that I work for who I claim to, so that limits LEO risk, but how does she know I'm not a bad guy?  Do providers do criminal background checks? (mine is squeaky) I'm guessing she is relying on her security but I can't help but think if I were in her shoes it would still be too high of a risk.

In addition, I've clearly stated that my home is out of state, so that limits (basically eliminates) any chance of repeating.  I guess I'm wondering why she would bother.  What is she getting out of it other than the donation and possibly another raving review?  Which she's in no short supply of

How does the review and reference process work?  I told her I read her reviews on this site, but she didn't ask me for my username or account info.  Won't she need that to verify I visited her if I want to do a review?  If I ask her if I can give her a positive review and she replies, then should I ask her if she will provide a positive reference in return?  I currently have zero, so that is a definite need if I wanted to do this again in the future with another provider.

How do references work?  Let's say I seek out a provider back home and tell this new girl she can call my first-time provider as a reference.  What incentive is there for the first-time provider to oblige?  She doesn't owe me any favors.

And finally (for now), is it ok if I ask her all of these very questions during our session?

Thanks, everybody!  I look forward to any advice you can provide this total noob.

Just go and enjoy yourself.  You are a lucky man.

She's betting that you're not going to be a total dick because she has your employment info, and could really screw with your life if you screw with hers.  Although some girls may have "security," mostly we rely on the fact that full disclosure of personal info allows for mutually assured destruction if you turn psycho.

She's seeing you even though you're from out of town because she has free time and wants your money.

After you see her, ask her if she will be a reference for you in the future.  Odds are she will.  So as long as she is reference friendly, just give the second provider her name and email or phone (whichever provider #1 prefers) and the provider #2 will take it from there.

Review if you want to, don't if you don't.  Reviews do not affect references and vice versa -- they are two different animals.  The only caveat is that if you give a bad review, she may not provide a reference.  

We give each other references (those of us who are reference friendly) because it allows continuous reciprocity.  She may never see you again, but it is distinctly possible, even likely, that she will need to ask provider #2 for a reference of another client at another time.  We do it to help each other, not just you.

Yes, you can ask her if she wants a review, and if she will be a reference in the session.  Not before.

Now relax and enjoy

You will see a link on this page called the Self Help/Newbie Manual.

I suggest you take the time to read through it.  It is jam packed with good information about using TER and the hobby in general.

I'm sure you'll have other questions, and this may answer them.

Now if I may, one question of my own:

Where did you pick up the term LEO?


Also, kudos to you for picking out such a great wife.



-- Modified on 5/19/2014 5:08:46 PM

From reading the acronyms guide of course!  It's linked in the self-help guide you mentioned.  I've already read most of the links there.  I started reading reviews and was lost on most of the acronyms... I knew there would be a guide because that's how great communities work.  Once I found the self-help guide I was all set (except for the questions I posted above).

Thanks everybody.  I can't help but overthinking things, my brain is always going.  I'll try to shut it off tomorrow.

This could also blow up in your face.  Just do it.  File it in your mind.  Do not kiss & tell.

END OF MESSAGE

took the photo of your drivers license.  Not a good idea for providers to know your residence.  

Why did you use your work email?  Some companies monitor company email.  This might blow up on you.

As has previously been said, even though wifey said it is OK to seek providers, best to keep your lips sealed.  It really could come back and bite you in the ass.

Last advice, only use discretionary funds for P4P; don't use rent, food, etc. money.

Enjoy.

Yes, I blacked out the address on my license.  Protip: don't ever use the "blur" to censor text, it can be reversed.

I used my work email to show that I work for the company I said I did.  I had previously read about the advice to not use it because of monitoring, however I did for two reasons: 1.  I work in the I.T. department of this small company so I know that we don't monitor the company email.  2.  Nothing in email is incriminating, it was just a selfie and my blacked out ID.  About the only thing that could raise any suspicion is if somebody googled the email address it was sent to.  Again, I'm not worried, but I understand your concern and it's solid advice for virtually everybody else.

I did not use the most appropriate word choice in my original post.  When I said she gave me permission, that could imply it is only my desire and some type of reluctance on her part.  What I should have said is she encouraged me - it was her idea and she brought it up.  I have already told her I took her up on her offer and she was excited and happy for me.  She 100% approves and repeated that statement to make it very clear to me.

I know it's not a test and I know it's not a trick.  She does not play games.  She genuinely wanted this for me.  If she changes her mind after the fact or resents me for doing it, that's a small risk that we'll take together and share the blame for.  I really do not see this happening though.  She has her reasons for trusting me and it has to do with my personality.  I'm not a very emotional person and to me this is just a fun, harmless experience.

Believe it or not, I believe it could be a positive experience not just for me, but for her as well.  I believe she has some "guilt" that she's been my sole partner in life and that I'll regret my decisions I've made.

END OF MESSAGE

Thanks everybody. I had a perfect first-time experience. EOM

END OF MESSAGE

First review written and submitted.  Thank you.