Brand new to the hobby and went out on my first sexual adventure.  Got an amazing massage with a nice playful and sexy lady, but when it came down to it I couldn't get my lil' buddy to come up and play.  This has never happened before with any other of my sex partners.  Sure, I was nervous at first but I was feeling pretty damn comfortable by the time the fondling and bj's began.

So here's my question: Is this my mind and body's way of telling me this "hobby" just isn't my thing?  Should I try it again one more time and hope I don't disappoint myself again?  I got to say I was pretty sad and embarrassed.

I'm the opposite.

It's never happened with providers, but has with GF's -- as a fear of intimacy thing, or so the therapist tells me . Usually after a girl says 'I love you'... lol.

Anyway, I wouldn't worry about it. I'd go with Viagra/cialis/levitra next time out, just to give you confidence. I'm the most nervouse m'f'er on the planet about women, but the right one will make you comfy enough not to care. But in your case, those ED enhancers will help you to at least not have to worry about that.

Oh also booze- works for me. If you need a nerve-shaker, wouldn't over do it but helps to take the edge off.

I don't need em, but I call it the 'I love you' pill. Cause I've needed them for that .. ugh.

-m

-- Modified on 12/28/2007 1:09:31 AM

don't worry about it...first time jitters is all it was.  Happens to the best of us.  I had a similar first time experience thought it was natures way of saying that I needed some emotional investment in my companion.  Took over a year before I tried again...nervous as hell, but things have a way of working themselves out.

Did for me at least.

I had the same thing happen to me once. Even with Viagra. I chalk it up to the session being too clinical. The lady led me to her bedroom, told me to take off my clothes and started removing hers too. That's just not the way it's supposed to happen with a real gf. So the next time I told the lady I wanted to disrobe her. So slowly I removed her clothing one piece at a time with plenty of kissing and rubbing along the way. I took my time and enjoyed the view for a few minutes along the way. By the time we were both nude I was plenty ready.

This generally happens to me my first encounter with a new lady, especially if she's very very attractive.   I just partake of what I can, make sure she gets some attention too, and the second appointment usually goes gangbusters.   I write it off to nerves and self-esteem issues, combined with the shock that this gorgeous lady is actually looking to do me...

I don't use the ED enhancers at all since it's pyschological and not physical, and alcohol actually makes it worse for me, not better.  Everyone's different.

You might want to post this on the Erotic Highway...

Sometime feeling guilty will keep things from happening.

For me, 1/4 of a little blue pill an hour before the date gives me added boost to lift me out of a potentially lagging situation. I think of it as insurance for a good time.

Take the lil blue pill 1 hr before the experience begins.

Thanks for the input, guys.

There's a hot expensive SP that I want to see someday but if my junk wants to get lazy on me then not only is it embarrassing but I'd have wasted a lot of money and time.

I thought once that it was the jitters but, thinking back, it was only at the doorway and I was very at ease when it was time get down.  Unless it's much more subconscious that I thought.

Anyways, based on your feedbacks I'll try it again once I've built up the cash for another go and I'll let you know how it goes.

I don't think you should be embarrassed.  If anything, when this has happened on my end, I've had to reassure the provider that they aren't doing something wrong.

And, since I go into a session aware that this may happen, I tend to concentrate on the other aspects of the encounter (BJ, DATY, DFK) so that in the end I never feel like I've wasted money or time.  Second time around, especially with the same girl if you have chemistry to a decent degree, generally does the trick for me.

There are many ways to enjoy your time with a beautiful woman!  Her presence, her scent, her appeal, exploring the curves, or even something as simple as holding her hand while the two of you walk a couple of blocks together, are often more memorable than the sex.  And even if you don't have "A Happy Ending", you can have a fun time trying!!!

Something else to think about - open yourself to things you might not consider.  I'm not suggesting anything like S&M, but I can say the introduction of toys for her can be inspiring, and on me VERY stimulating.  If this only a mental block, something not previously experienced might help you get past it.

I had a very similar first time out also. I even thought the same thing, that I would have to have a "girlfriend" in order to have fun. Then I thought more about it, and figured if I just treated her like my girlfriend for the time I spent with her then it would be ok. I went back a few weeks later and had a wonderful time.

b-

My very first appointment was very similar. I was so nervous  I could barely get hard. I felt really embarrassed, and almost decided to never try another appointment again.
I saw a different lady about a month later, and although I was nervous, things went much better.
With more appointments, I think you will probably find you will be more relaxed and have very enjoyable sessions.

I've been hobbying over a year and this is an incredibly gorgeous provider I have a really good rapport with.

Somewhere during our session, I just went limp.  We decided to do other things [massage, kiss] until I got back up but it took most of the session.  I managed to pop but I felt bad and had to re-assure her that she did great, but I had a very stressful day at work and I just couldn't leave it on the other side of the door.

Don't be embarrassed.  If she's experienced, she's seen it more than once and should know that there are many reasons for it to happen, not necessarily related to her.

Have you tried posting this on The Erotic Highway forum?  The Love Goddess might have some good insights for you.

-- Modified on 12/28/2007 9:08:55 PM

No, I haven't tried posting this on the erotic highway forum.  I think I've gotten enough great insights from you guys here.  Although it IS the Love Goddess, so I'll give a post there too.

did you ever date a woman that you found exciting and attractive.  Foreplay took place for weeks with you anxiously getting to first base, second base... going for the home-run...  

Sometimes gents get themselves so overwhelmed by the excitement of the experience that things simply don't work out the way they expected.  Only you can determine if this is a signal to stop hobbying, or if its simply fear of the unknown mixed with excitement.

Now that you have had your first experience, it may be a good idea to try again.  You know what to expect.  You won't get as nervous and you'll be able to answer your own question.  It will also help if you tell the provider that you are a new hobbiest and that you are nervous.  

And don't forget the basics.  Remember sometimes you have to go back to basics and play all the bases like you did with that girlfriend.  On the bright side, it won't take weeks *wink*  There is nothing like good old fashioned kissing and foreplay to get you aroused and ready.

Good luck and have fun!

SINfully sinthia



-- Modified on 12/28/2007 10:52:21 PM

First of all, a normal healthy male should not need Viagra or any other ED medication to enjoy the company of a beautiful woman. If you think you do then go see a doctor and get yourself checked out. ED meds are not candy and they are not prescribed to combat shyness. They are meant for men with physical conditions that inhibit blood flow to the penis.

I wouldn't freak-out over what happened.  If you don't think you should be hobbying then I guess you probably shouldn't. I'm certainly not going to try and talk someone into doing something that they don't feel good about. For what it's worth, I've been doing this for over 20 years and I still have issues sometimes. I can usually trace it back to being tired from work or from being with a lady who may have been a bit to mechanical or distant and was a turn-off. None of us, provider or client, are machines. Sometimes things just don't go the way we planned.  I would give it another shot and not think too much about what happened the first time.

I have never dealt with totally flaccid, although the little guy doesn't always cooperate the way I'd like.  

What I have had happen is a couple visits where I never "popped".  Bothered me a little the first time, especially since the couple ladies it happened with were incredibly attractive, I felt attracted to them, and really liked being with them.

But the outcome-  they didn't make me feel embarrassed in anyway, the experience of just being with them, the foreplay, the oral, the penetration even without popping, and just the touching, kissing, cuddling, talking, and having a great time still made the visits awesome and worthwhile.

I really don't worry about the outcome at this point, I just go in with the attitude that I am going to have a great time and also try my best to be sure my lady has a great time too.

It may be difficult to have perspective right now as this was your first time with a provider. If you see enough ladies you will realize that things will not always go as you would like. The key, as GB, is to enjoy the time spent with a beautiful woman.
Funny thing, on the occasions that I have had a tough time the lady involved has always been supportive and, if anything, more concerned that she may have been doing something wrong than with my performance issues.
That's the way it is with a good lady and it makes it that much easier to enjoy their company even if, on occasion, you do not achieve lift-off.

I have a one that I repeat with that two out of the first three times with her it just didn't happen for me.  Now she is someone I really enjoy being with if you are wondering why I kept coming back.

The fourth time- she ws so determined it was going to happen to make sure she was doing her job-  it was almost a comedy!  And did she ever make sure it happened!  She's gonna keep me coming back!

Sumgai, there have been a number of excellent responses to your question.  I would like to add another perspective that happened with me.  

I have been married for many years so my first experience with a provider was fraught with the normal anxieties of the first meeting.  There was the fear of the unknown, an overwhelming physical attraction to a much younger lady and the feeling of wanting to impress her, but also the "newness" of using a condom after so many years of being with my wife.

I was Ok until the condom came out and like a tire losing air, down he went.  The wonderful lady I was with did not miss a beat and took care of the situation in other ways.  

As you can imagine, there was a great deal of anxiety after that initial meeting as I questioned my abilities.

Fortunately, I met with the young lady again and the next meeting went MUCH better.  Our mind has incredible power over our bodies.

I would imagine that on your next meeting, you will be much more relaxed and that things will go much better for you.  Just look forward to it and enjoy!

I had my first encounter with a provider last week and had the same problem but not much of a surprise do to some med's I take. I let her know what was going on and that it was not her and she was great with other ways of being close. She will see me again.

The hobby may not be for you. Some men that have relationships in their life have deep seated issues with seeing another woman. Slow down and assess what your thoughts were during the encounter with the provider, if you were thinking of your wife or girlfriend and how they would feel if they walked upon you, or if you were concerned how others would view you if they found out about your encounter, you should seriously reassess whether you are doing the right thing. I have hobbied for years, I dealt with concerns early on but have come to realize that hobbying is right for me, I love the variety that hobbying gives me.

Might have something to do with what you had eaten recently (some men perform better on a near-empty stomach), drank (I prefer no alcohol), meds you have recently taken, etc.

Dear Sumgai:
I was wondering what types of foreplay would you like and what types of activity did you ask for regarding the promulgation of bloodflow to your copulatory organ. Once you know what stimulates you then ask for that on a consistent basis and hopefully it does the trick for you. Overtime you will know what works for you and what doesn't.