I got married two years ago and stopped hobbying. But after a year and a half of marriage,  I had to see a provider. Now I want to keep seeing providers every few months! The challenge is my wife is always texting me and expects instant responses. Another problem is my wife always expects me to be hard when we have sex. If I have any ED issues  she knows it's because I watched porn. With this in mind I can only hobby when I know we won't be having sex for another few days.

Last, my wife is very much against prostitution. She has the Hollywood image of it being very seedy where all the women are trafficked into it. She also has a romantic idea of marriage that we "vowed" to be together forever.  If she were to ever find out she would probably leave me. So that is very troubling..

How do you folks work around these challenges?

-- Modified on 7/11/2017 5:04:35 PM

You need to come up with a new hobby, real or fictitious, that would explain why you are gone for a while and can't reply to text messages. For example, you could tell her that you have gone fishing and you need to turn your phone off so that you don't scare the fishes. Or golfing. Tell her that the course doesn't allow phones on, because it would interfere with other golfers game. Those are both time-consuming hobbies that could easily cover you for hours.

The potential ED thing is a "harder" problem. (Sorry, couldn't resist the opportunity.) If you have only been married two years, I can see where you might still be having plenty of sex with the wife. Try to develop an awareness of her monthly cycle and schedule your appointments ahead of time for those days.

Overall, it sounds like your wife is a very controlling person, and eventually you will probably want to leave her before she completely crushes your willpower. The texting is a way to keep you on a very short leash. The implication that she won't let you watch porn or masturbate (Let me guess: she considers that to be cheating.) is also controlling behavior. And her erroneous assessment of the oldest profession in the world is a symptom of a close-minded and judgmental person. It's a shame that one of your friends didn't take you aside and tell you this before you walked down the aisle.

Does your wife monitor household spending closely? See if your employer allows for direct deposit to more than one account for your paychecks. Next time you get a raise, don't tell your wife and have the additional net pay diverted to a second account. Make sure that you set that account up so that you receive the statements by email.

Get a disposable phone that you only use for the hobby, and hide it well. I'm just guessing that she might get ahold of your normal phone at some point and snoop through your call history and text messages.

Erase your browser history on your computer before shutting it down each time, or better yet surf using something like Chrome's Incognito mode to avoid even creating a searchable history.

Providers often go a little heavy on the perfume, especially if they do multiple appointments in a day. So plan to shower there before leaving, though that will cut into your appointment time. Better yet, stop at the gym on the way home and shower there. If you don't belong to a gym, you should for the sake of your own health.

sounds like you should have stayed single..

Thanks for the suggestions! If I can't get hard for my wife, she feels hurt that I don't find her attractive. She says she has body image issues. I can surely empathize with her. But I can't just exclusively have sex with her for the rest of my life..

She is not controlling. She just likes to keep in touch and be in communication about life.

My newest alibi is going to see a live comedy show. I'm in NYC so there are tons of these ..

The first thing I recommend you do to work around those challenges is figure out why you're seeing providers after 18 months of marriage. If you need help figuring that out, see a counselor... by yourself first.  Then perhaps joint counseling. You don't have to tell your wife you're seeing providers.  

Second, did you know about your wife's view of marriage and prostitution before you married her, or did those come out only after the nuptials?  You need to figure out if your going behind her back seeing providers is better than the alternatives... for both of you.  You said you'd be "troubled" if she left you.  Is that because you love her, or some other reason?

As for keeping your visits to providers secret... I'm sure you'll get good advice from others on that.  A lot depends on how good you are at deceit.  Are you good at poker?  (That's not a shot, but a serious question.)

Mine does, so I could always disappear in the middle of the day for an hour or two and say that I had to turn off my phone during the meeting as it is the customer's rules.

 
Otherwise, the hobby gambit is the best.

 
As for the separate bank account, that can work unless she is nosy with the 1040 form, where the other account will be listed.   In that case, come up with a reason to withdraw cash for sundries and lunch, and put a good portion of that towards your hobbying slush fund.

tell anyone.  Never have anyone lie for you.    It will bite you in the arse!  Gradually, stretch the response time.  You can not be taking personal calls at work, when driving, some dead spots...   Wash your face & hands before going home!
You need a real hobby...  mechanics, woodworking, painting, anything you like.  It could be exercise (not appropriate for me... it's got to fit you!).  But any such will require you to gather materials, go places & do things away from her for varying intervals.  Bicycling.  Maybe more than one.  She might just join you...  always a chance.    

Really, not getting hard? Seriously?   Maybe not right away but several hours later should be fine unless you have ED already.  Besides, men are not machines.  

Don't get caught by your wife. But then again all married guys make a mistake and get caught anyway. I'm single. I can play as much as I want with no worries.  

I guess like everyone else here, I love sex! Plus sex with the same person for a year and a half gets boring. A bigger reason is that I never had sex till my early 30s! I was too shy/nerdy to attract anyone. So I have a huge pent up demand for sex from all those years of jerking off  

But thankfully seeing providers improved my confidence and I was able to find a wife in my late 30s.  

I kind of knew my wife's position on marriage and prostitution . I would say it is fairly typical . At least none of my friend's wives approve of cheating..

I would be troubled if she left because we would be breaking up the family we created..

a way to get funds without being noticed, etc.  

One place to keep the hobby phone is a drawer in your desk at work. After using it, be sure to keep it secure (brief case or maybe gym bag).

Always shower at the lady's incall or at the gym on the way home. Bring your own body wash so you smell "the same".

If you travel on business, this is a great way to get some alone time.

Good luck.

To turn your iPhone off/airplane mode or the find my iPhone feature off especially if you don't return a text right away. You don't want for her to track you to a hotel or another incall location.

Btw, is your wife like this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1rPJcxR2EqM

If they were married, the message would be:  GTG, and that would be the end of it.

 
That is a guy and a new psycho-girl friend.  

I have a married mongering friend that recently started taking a low dose cialis.
He bangs his wife 3 or 4 times a week, and hobbys at least a few times a week. He said the same thing, basically "if I don't fuck my wife, then she will know somethings up"  he takes the pill when he's busy with his hobby girls, and has no problem performing when he gets home.

My ex wife sounds very familiar to yours. I never thought it was controlling behaviour either, untill after my divorce.  My buddies still to this day bust my balls about her calling, texting and wanting me to send a picture while I was away golfing.  
I am a terrible liar and never cheated in the 18 yrs we were together..(married 14 1/2 yrs)  but she was always checking up on me when I was away.

Woemen have a way of finding out EVERYTHING.
I would bet she finds out......somehow.

Do your playing out of town and proceed with extreme caution.

My divorce cost me a few hundred grand. And the hardest time of my life.  Kids suffer greatly as well.

Been divorced now for 7+ years and have full custody of my children. Its been a tuff road, but I am now taking care of business and family first.

But, in about 5 years in the hobby, I am having the best time of my life and spending a mere fraction of what my ex cost me.

I don't know your age or budget, or how much you hobbied prior to getting married..........

but for me, I would have a very difficult time going back to a traditional relationship.