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I received yet another one liner e-mail request for a date this week end it read….
Hi livie , I saw your ad on *** and luv the pics.ru available sunday at noon?
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Now 9-out of 10 x this would have gone right in the trash but every now and then one gets me and I have to respond………..
Who are?……..
I haven't seen u before but I saw your ad.my user name is **** on the site and I've seen several local girls…………
Are you fu-king kidding me? Am I now supposed to chase you down for what amounts to be In this economy a Dollar?? Really guys come look at from our side and you’ll see why this e-mail belongs in the trash. But instead I thought well may be the ladies he has been seeing are not that safety conscious so I’ll try to give him a little help. So…………
This tells me nothing sorry I have no way of knowing who you are with this little info. Is this how you contact people you would like meet and did it work? If so you the others girls don't think to much of them self’s and makes there reference worth nothing. I don't mean to sound like a bitch really but I'm a woman who is seeking man who are respectful of my time and being. If his is you please contact me again accordingly I love to meet men that love women and show it, as I do lol Again please don’t be offended I mean to let you know that many a reputable provider will open your e-mails (one liners) and put them right in the trash. Because this is to time consuming in trying to find out who your are. It would have been better if you let me know your name age and who you have seen along with there contact info. Also if you read my web site info you would have gotten all the info on how to contact. So if you would like to try this again great I’d loved to make your acquaintance. Hugs Livie.
So now my question to all of you gentlemen is would this offend you? I don’t want to alienate any one but I also want to be able to meet people with out having chase them down, actually I wont to that many ladies wouldn’t. I wanted to be clear and helpful was this to honest? Could I have said it better? From the male point of view how do you see it?
Thanks Livie.
First of all, there are no set standard of rules in this biz. With many ladies his initial request would not belong in the trash and they would not be muttering 'are you fu-king kidding me'. When you place an ad on various sites you are going to get responses from many sectors of the public, not all are experienced hobbyists. He was not vulgar, not rude, just trying to make contact.
Your response is ok but very long and unnecessary. All you need is a standard one-liner Thanking him that he has expressed an interest and that first he will need to go to your website and fill out the contact page form. Plain, simple and to the point, some guys just simply do not know, nothing to get all upset over.
Well I’m not upset but it does get annoying he stated that he had seen several ladies before so I’m wondering 1st who would see some one based on a one liner and 2nd why does he not know that there is more to it then that? Anyway this is just one of those things that makes me go. Humm as you put it. lol
Wouldn't it be easier and more productive to simply say: yes, I'm available at that time, but I need to verify you first. Please provide me with your full name, phone number and two provider references.
To be honest, what you wrote would have turned me off and sent me in search of a different provider. However, a simple 30 second reply asking for the relevant information probably would have yielded all the information you needed if the guy was serious about seeing you. Perhaps he didn't want to provide too much information until he knew you would be available.
so if I were in your shoes (and I'm not) seems like you can either ignore the one liners, or just reply with your own, something along the lines of:
Please see my website at www.*****.com and fill out my inquiry form
There no use in getting worked up over one liners, any more so than the traffic signal turning red before you get through. Has happened in the past, and will also happen in the future.
Personally, I don't send one liners from email (unless I already know the gal). Sometimes, I only have access to TXT from my cell phone, in which case the message is brief. Often the reply is, "Can you call me?" and if I'm able, I do (Often I'm in a noisey place, or a place I can tell the cell reception is poor)
or even absence of communication from providers. My life is too short (what's left of it) to bother to get pissed - I simply move on. Lotsa flowers in the garden....
Was there a better way I could have put it? And would it turn you off? I know all about the other suggestions and I have used them. In this case I thought maybe the guy don’t know better (maybe) so instead of getting pissed and moving on I thought I would try to be helpful. Would my response alienate you from contacting again? Just wondering what you guys think. Cheers Livie.
Communication pre-meeting should be short and to the point on both ends. I would have been totally weirded out by your message. OTOH it would never have occured in my case because I would never contact someone as that guy did.
But I don't think you help your ultimate purpose by going on so long. Better to have a surplus of inquiries and select those that are polite and appropriate.
Admonishing a potential client about how important "your" time is sends the wrong impression IMO.
If I received the message that you described I would lose all interest in pursuing an appointment. A softer approach, something along the lines of "I am sorry, but for your protection and mine I do require more information before setting an appointment. Please refer to my website for more detailed instructions on how to set an appointment with me. Thank you for your understanding" would go a long way towards getting him to comply with your request without making him think that you consider your time more important than his.
I don't mind giving out screening info, but when a provider expects me to jump through hoops before giving me the time of day I just move on. Providers are fond of saying "It's our rules", but remember "it's our money".
-- Modified on 1/31/2009 1:55:16 PM
Reading your post I’m thinking Oh shit. Lol I could have said that. And no it’s not that my time is more important but it is as important as yours. It seems things have changed in the short time I have started , I never really received to many inquires like this. It’s all been done via contact form with or with out knowing what my schedule is. And thank you for being honest I am a straight forward person my self and certainly don’t want to here BS. And your right it is your money and with out jumping threw hoops I want to meet you as much as your money. Believe it or not the man you are is more important then the money in your pocket that’s why I screen in the 1st place. This way of doing things is hard in that I’m not used to it so I have deleted a lot of e-mails because of it thinking the guy is just playing games or LE. So thank you for all your post I appreciate it. Cheers Livie.
You asked an honest question, and I tried to respond in kind. I hope my response gives you a little perspective from the hobbyist's POV. The simple fact that you asked for other's POV speaks volumes.
Good Luck and stay safe.
you knew somebody had to say that...
and you probably also knew it would be me 
And for the rest of you reading this thinking I am being serious, get a clue!
Being a novist...I learned a lot reading through this. What is the best way to protect myself from LE?
Livie, a lot of us new guys are clueless. It's not always our fault. We were born guys after all. The first provider I called was very vague with me but set up a time and then canceled. At first I felt I was being rejected for a date (like in high school). But then I realized that was absurd and realized that she was actually just suspicious of me. I could be LE or I could be a wack job.
After I realized this I only sought out providers who had their own websites with a lot of information. I followed their instructions exactly to the letter and was patient. The first provider I actually met up with canceled a couple of times prior. I found out during the after-glow talk that she did this on purpose as her thinking was that LE will get frustrated and move on.
I would encourage providers to have their own web sites that provide plenty of information. If all a woman has is an add on CL or Backpage I don't really know what else she wants me to do except call her and go from there. It's especially bad when her rates aren't known so you have to talk about them on the phone, etc. Ideally rates and donations should never need to be discussed at all.
BTW, do you feel having a real web site that provides contact procedures, rates, etc. puts you at risk in some way? I ask because it seems like such a good business move but most of the women I see advertise don't have them, and I pass on them because I don't feel I have enough information to properly initiate contact and stay safe.
Peace,
Astucious
1. It would alienate me because your response makes you appear illiterate. While I am not seeing ladies for their minds, I don't want conversation to be like fingernails on chalkboard.
2. The men in this exhange run a lot more legal risks than the ladies. Most of us are married and would face consequences - beyond some nominal fine - if our participation were to be discovered. I'm talking divorce, loss of child custody, perhaps job loss. Why on earth would you think some guy in his first correspondance should give you all of his personall information?
I NEVER give the confirmation stuff until I have to, and I only give it over the phone. If a lady doesn't like that, that's fine, I understand. She has her safety to consider and has to have rules in place. But, I don't have to see her either.
Illiterate ? Maybe yet you understood enough to post .Do you think I can’t loose my house ,job (do you think this is all I do?) Kids husband. what you are saying is that your life is more important. Thank you for proving my point. Guys like you don’t realize that we providers risk more then (you) can imagine. And you say you understand it’s our safety so blasé How ignorant you look to suggest that’s all there is to it and that’s not so important. You and guys like you are why posted. Yes I could have been nicer about it but some guys need to have a more straight forward approach .try to se the other side.
-- Modified on 2/4/2009 6:28:36 AM
Yes, illiterate and this missive did little to change that perception.
You may have a serious outside job, kids and a husband, but most providers don't. We johns on the other hand normally do. And, yes, my situation is more important to me than yours (or any other provider's) is. And your situation is more important to you than mine or any other john's is.
Also, I was not minimizing the safety aspect - which is why I acknowledged it. You can have your screening standards and it is your perogative to make them as stringent as you want. However, it is rather silly to get all upset due to a belief that a john should send all of his personal information to you before he even knows if you are available. Plus, let's just say the reliablity of customer service in your profession is poor at best and lots of emails, regardless of the thoroughness of information go unanswered. Why would someone with a wife and kids want that floating around?
Just say "Yes, I am available at that time. If you would like to see me, please send/complete the form on my website".
I don't know why that is so hard.
Ok well from my point of view … How do I know what I am confirming And to who?
Weather you see ma as illiterate or not I’m very discreet. I also ask that e-mails such as those not be mailed. So if a lady totally disregarded what you ask of here would you not think she has no respect? We could debate this to death all I would like is that the guys try to see it from our side.Contrary to what you may think we most certainly do care about what happens to you in your life. If you have not found a providers like this then you are missing more then you know. Many ladies feel this way I’m just the one who posted. Thank you for your post I appreciate the input. Happy hobbying cheers Livie.
All you are confirming is that, yes you are available at a given timie. Why does that narrow exposure of information require a full background check?
And, regardless of how "discreet" you are, providers ARE flipped (as are johns I'm sure). There was a case in Charlotte where a provider was arrested and made a deal to hand over all of her records to the cops in exchange for not having to pay the $75 fine and have the episode go onto her record. The cops went to all the men they could identify and "talked to them". They didn't have enough info to file charges, but that's pretty chilling for a guy with a family. So, why should a guy whose schedule might not even match up with yours face that exposure? And, regardless of how much you may "care" what happens to your client in his life, I won't be willing to bet you won't hand over my personal information if you were arrested and were threatened with jail time inorder to make sure you stayed with your kids.
So again, for the third time, I can see it from your side. You don't want to get arrested, and you don't want to get physically harmed - both legitimate concerns. You have the right to set up any rules you want on how you handle client communications. But, the client isn't without options either, and any client who would fill out a full form with personal information when he doesn't even know if the two schedules will even work out is being very foolish. Once the schedules are worked out, then any client who doen't provide reasonable verification information is being unreasonable.
you got it?
I think a polite referal to your web site is the easiest & less offensive way...
Make a clear instruction on your site for new friends... initial meetings may take longer as you need to verify their information for your safety.
skb
if the hobbyist doesn't follow through, send the message to the trash.
With my business I get many cold calls or inquiries about services & products that our company provides. I have a variety of standard form letters that I cut/paste to a certain questions so it takes virtually no time. With the forms that I wrote (and saved) our company gets 25% more correspondence which increases our bottom line.
With the provider's business I could see this taking just seconds to cut/paste and if you can get that type of return on cold calls that will definitely help the bottom line.