My first post and although I'm not exactly a newbie, I'm relatively new to this board and this will be a new experience for me.

A provider that I saw a few times when I first started hobbying last summer moved back to her hometown about 4 hours from me and "retired" (took down her site, no advertising, nothing).  We were pretty close when she was here and since she's moved we've kept up via text, nothing too deep, just checking in on each other.  Anyway, at her request, I'm going to visit her soon to hang out.  Hitting a movie, going out to eat, probably go to a club/bar in the evening, that kind of stuff.  I will be staying the night and she's staying with me.  So here's the dilemma, am I still supposed to give a donation?  And if so, would it be an overnight one or just like an hour or 2?

I suppose I should just ask but that seems kind of weird to say "hey, can't wait to see you, by the way, how much do you want for this?".  Like I said, she isn't a provider at this time so all I have to go off of is her old rates from last summer.  I'm not sure if she's even expecting a donation but I don't want to be a d*ck either.  She genuinely made it seem like she wanted someone to hang out with.  Said she's bored a lot and would enjoy seeing an old friend.  What do you guys think?  Would it be insulting to leave money on the nightstand if she really just wants some company?  I am paying for the room and plan on covering the costs for all our entertainment for the day.

But I'd still try to find a tactful way to ask...

-- Modified on 3/27/2016 3:12:38 PM

"BTW, is this business or pleasure?" is one way to ask.

or how about

"Does this mean you are back to "work" or is it just the two of us having fun?"

...wait until the end to ask so as not to start things off on a sour note.  And she may bring it up herself at some point.

This is an overnight date, not just an hour or two.

Personally though, I am with you, I would just go with the flow and wait for her to set the tone.

She isn't expecting anything. Now if she told you she was making a come back tour I would assume she wants some type of compensation.

I would go in with the mind set that it's two friends hanging out. Your picking up the room and the expenses. Are you positive sex is going to be had by the two of you?  

If she was expecting anything out of you she would let you know. I have no doubt this is just two old friends kicking it.

These are just my thoughts.

Take it for what it's worth.
A fun night with a cool women.

Zak

Since you have a pre-established provider/client relationship, and since she hasn't made it 100% clear that this is to be a different type of "date'

I have a client who says "Let's talk about money, I want to make sure we're on the same page."  

If it was me, and I wanted it to be entirely OTC, I'd make that very clear (but some girls are poor communicators). Otherwise, I might just trust you to pay me the correct amount if I had a previous relationship with you (yep, that's backfired twice... the second time was just a few weeks ago). Even if she doesn't expect payment, she'll hardly be angry with you for doing your best to make sure she's comfortable.  

Since you're visiting *her* and she's staying in a hotel with you... that sounds like a paid overnight to me. Otherwise, she could just go home to sleep (but, there might be some circumstance I don't know about).  

Also, I had to go offline after I was stalked. She might not be actually "retired"

Can't hurt to ask.... it will make YOU feel better, anyway.

Voodoo,
    Why would you assume she is looking for a donation if she is retired? She asked him to drive four hours to see her. He is seeing her at her request. As far as i am concerned she is out of the business. If she is in business she would have said I am back in business if you want to see me you can come up. If she is out of the business no money should switch hands and it's just two friends meeting. If she wants to sleep over that's on her. If she heads home he has the hotels since he is the guest. I wonder OP did she invite you to stay at her place but you feel more comfortable in a hotel? With no such chat he's not on the hook for anything. I would bring a nice gift and be done with it. However what do I know.  

Voodoo when you said you saw someone a few weeks ago off the clock you were expecting a donation but didn't get it? Do you have to let the client go after that miscommunication or do you take it as you need to be more direct in the future? It's a hell of a way to lose a good client. How can you trust the guy to make a payment when he thinks its off the clock?  

When is off the clock really off the clock?  

Just looking for some clarification. I would never screw anyone intentionally but I don't think he's on the hook as she is retired.

Zak
 

have a wad of benjamins in my wallet "just in case"

It's always better to make sure that everyone is on the same page, moneywise.

He doesn't say whether her ads/site are just down, or if she's truly "retired." But a lot of girls "retire" and continue to see their old clients UTR.  

While he does say that she invited him, that doesn't mean that she won't expect money, or that he had no role in suggesting or encouraging said date. Not to mention, I know TONS of girls who'd suggest a "visit" fully expecting a "gift" to some greater or lesser degree (I'm not saying that's a good way to do business, but a lot of girls work that way, especially if they want to convert the guy to a SD). If they had a pre-established provider/client relationship, and she hasn't clearly said that this is fully as buddies... I'd say that someone should get the facts out of the way, so that they both can relax and have fun.  

Maybe it is OTC... maybe it's not. As long as there's the possibility, there's discomfort (for him at least, since he's feeling uncertain).

My regular just flat-out ripped me off. The date was HIS idea (I hadn't seen him for over 2 years and was only peripherally in touch to say 'Merry Christmas' and the like). I booked 2 nights at a hotel and traveled SOLELY to see him, at his request. He gave me a $1200 deposit.  

While he'd originally met me under an old name, and had never (that I know of) seen my new site, he'd booked me plenty of times for dates longer than overnights. He did know that I was still "working" and that I'd had some trouble w/a stalker. He'd always paid an appropriate rate, plus a little extra.  I assumed that this time would be the same... but, he was clearly fishing to see if there was a possibility that I might want a relationship, as his marriage was in trouble (I said I was seeing somebody).  He gave me $300 more to cover the room, and was with me for ~30 hours - all day and night on Friday, until Saturday afternoon.  

Had I known the price he was willing to pay ahead of time, I'd have stayed for the day + most of the evening (which would have been breakfast in bed, social time OTC during the day, then cuddle/matinee mid-afternoon, then dinner plus dessert. That is PLENTY for $1500 minus the cost of 2 nights at a NYC hotel). So, while there was nothing I could do in retrospect (since we'd never discussed price), I'm very angry and will never EVER see him again. And totally felt so used and suckered (not to mention worn out).  

My advice is, always err on the side of caution where OTC is involved. NEVER assume that something is fully OTC unless SHE specifically says so.

Is a good lead in to the question that needs to be asked its not really a big deal, but you need to get it out of the way.  

If so, then assume the rules of engagement have not changed.

If not, then ask

I would have enough cash on hand to give her more than your normal donation with her. Then, after the date, give her a card with the cash in it, telling her you had a great time. Make sure she knows the cash is a gift and not a donation.

as I didn't want assume.  Glad I did, fortunately she's not looking for several hundred/thousand for an overnight.  In fact, she said she truly just wants to hang out.  It's like a real civvie date, I'm not 100% certain we'll even do anything adult.  Guess we'll see.  Thanks again for all the advice!

END OF MESSAGE

She gotta eat.