Granted, I'm relatively new at this. And I'll admit, I've probably fallen a bit too hard for this girl who has become my ATF.  But I couldn't figure out how to tell if she really was starting to care for me...or if she was just really, really good at her profession.

Then it hit me how to tell the difference.

When she calls me and asks me to come over now, that she needs me now.  I answer, but Honeypie, my appt is not til next week. I need you now, she pines. But Sugar, I don't have the cash now. I don't want the cash, I want you.

When that happens...I'll know it's real.

How's that for a Newbie?

...but he called me. He volunteered!
I used to see him for free but he used to spend a boatload of money on me.
He didn't like dogs but he still came over and watched movies with me in my bed with 2 large dogs also in the bed.lol
He spent alot of money on those dogs and even walked them.
Thank God for the penis!!!
Many fun and funny memories even though he criticised me constantly.
I just laughed with my friends later.

wow you are lucky, so you didn't have to pay and still get it? in that case why not just cancel the appointment and keep getting the freebies to save the bucks.

Does she need to really care for you?
This isn't a dating site, it isn't designed for you to find a girlfriend or future ex-wife.

It is money in exchange for time and companionship.
So, if you get the time and the companionship why would you need her to "really care for you"?

...and even if she really cared for you as a client, why should she give up her earnings from you because of that?
You seem to really care for her from your own admission that you have fallen too hard, so would you be willing to leave work early, take time off without pay or lose a client and have your income effected negatively because you really care for her?

When you understand it isn't about her "really caring for you" or her wanting you so much she would forgo her rates, but about a service for payment, then you will be growing O'newbie...then you will be growing.

Getting into a civie relationship with your ATF is not the brass ring of the hobby merry-go-round.

Look at how Shilloh'a situation ended up.

I have had steady relationships with some providers for up to 20 years.  I didn't do it by becoming their boyfriend or SO or call it what you will.

I did it because I respected the boundaries.

As a result, we meet and have a wonderful time and I don't worry about the relationship strings that you see to be growing.

Now, if you truly meet a provider that you are so taken with and your respective life situations are compatible with such a relationship, then go for it and more power to both of you.

But do not mistake it for a hobby relationship.  You are now planted firmly in civie romance land, GPS highly recommended.

This has turned into a very enlightening thread.  It is SO True that long term hobby relationships need to respect boundaries...  and the realities.  IF you have a S.O. for instance, there are darn few places for an ATF relationship to go, in the civie sense.  

For the unattached, on rare occasions relationships cross from ATF to seemly successful civie relationships...  but the roadside (and these pages) are littered with the burned out hulks of those who tried & failed.  

As a younger man, I was not able to separate my hormonal falling for a sex partner from compatability.  If nothing else, the hobby has opened my eyes to this.
skb

So what happened next?

Yes but no ones like disingenuous comments that are designed to play you like a fool.

But isn't that part of the GFE illusion we give you? I would draw the line at the "I love you", but "I really want to see you" or "I do care about you"...are not these part of the girlfriend illusion you men all seem to want? Or is it more the sex acts that are the appeal?

Because in that case nearly half of what I say creating the illusion being paid for would be considered disingenuous. Seriously gentlemen, make up yur minds as to what you really want because there does seem to be a lot of back and forth.

OK...here's full disclosure. Don't bash, because as I said, I have figured this out OnMyOwn!  I have a SO, but physical part stopped cold long time ago. I initially thought hobby would replace what I was missing, & I'd be happy. Well, after months of looking I still wasn't happy. Finally found provider that has a very unique ability to read her clients. I figured out I wasn't just looking for a physical replacement for my SO, but an emotional replacement as well.

As long as I know where I'm vulnerable, I have to believe I can approach this relationship for what it is...girl friend for a day, but that's it. If all goes well, I'm hoping for a long term friendship with some really great fringe benefits. But that's it.

Its time to find a new provider anyway.

This is a business, not a telenovela.  

I swear, I expect to see FanFiction in the vein of Twihards on Twilight any day now about providers.

But isn't that part of the GFE illusion we give you? I would draw the line at the "I love you", but "I really want to see you" or "I do care about you"...are not these part of the girlfriend illusion you men all seem to want? Or is it more the sex acts that are the appeal?

Not me !!!!!  I interpret any Provider saying "I really want to see you" as hustling for an appointment. There is nothing wrong with that, it is part of the business of pay for play. "I do care about you " is pretty generic statement and it depend on the context it is being made . Many people care about each other on these boards and yet have never met in person. I care for many of my hobby lady friend but they are not my GF. Finally any GFE illusion ends when the appointment ends and is often define by acts such as DFK and BBBJ. I take a sincere Provider anytime over a phony provider acting as I am her BF outside the session.

than "real relationships" with all the drama and honey do lists and expectations and crap.

as far as I am concerned, P4P is as "real" as I want it to be....

First, looking for an emotional replacement for your SO?
My advice there is get a divorce, and look for a woman that is offering a relationship and not one that is offering time and companionship in exchange for cash.  

As for you believing you can approach the relationship for what it is...girlfriend of the day, but that's all.

...be very careful.

If you could keep it in that perspective, you wouldn't be wondering about when to know it's real.
You wouldn't be looking for it to be real.
You wouldn't be looking for proof it is real.
If you saw it as just girlfriend for the day, then you wouldn't be entertaining thoughts of a call where she just wants you.

You want more...
you are already thinking about it as more and are hoping for that more to be reciprocated.


No one ever intends to be the guy that falls for an escort (or the clingy client, or the creepy stalker or the guy pining away when a lady tells him she can't see him anymore because he wants too much, etc.)
but when they do, they say they hadn't planned it, it just happened...but it didn't just happen, it was a series of choices that led to it.

You met a lady that you clicked with, and you saw her again...you made that choice.
You decided she offered an emotional replacement for your spouse, and you still see her...another choice.

You admit you have fallen too much, and you still see her...again a choice.

You post about your fantasy of her one day telling you she wants you and not your money, and you still want to see her...one more choice.

Your choices are leading you down a path that is going to end either in your life being torn apart, if she does return your feelings and you have any hope of being able to offer her a relationship,

or with you being destroyed when you find out she doesn't feel about you the way you do about her.


...and for all of that, you already don't approach this for what it is, you already approach this as something else entirely.