Well, it took a couple of months surfing (and reading.....twice) the TER Discussion board and the FAQ for newbies board, but here I am.  I think I have the basics down and I don't want to go over territory that has been covered 34 times in previous threads.  Anyway, I still have a lot of questions despite all the reading I've done.  Hope they aren't redundant.  I'm only going to post a few at a time because I don't want this thread a mile long (responses either).

I'm going to get verified by P411.  I've already talked to them.....I was just waiting for my new laptop and my new e-mail address.  

1.  Is it best to contact a provider through PM on P411 or via e-mail (her preference for newbies....she is newbie friendly)?  I'd like to e-mail her to tell her just a bit about me and why I'd like to see her (G-rated, of course).  If I do e-mail her, should I tell her I'm on P411 AND give her my handle in my initial e-mail?

2. Do I need to bring a driver's license to prove who I am and will every provider require that?

3. How specific can you be re. an outfit request via e-mail?  Can you say that you'd like her to wear a bra, but no panties or vice versa?  I would not address this until after she agreed to meet me....FYI.

4. Facial hair:  I have a goatee, but it's only like the 2 day shadow.  I trim it every day or two and shave regularly elsewhere on my face (and around my lips).  Anyway, should I be cleanly shaven for an appt.?  Even though it's only a couple day scruff, I don't want to irritate a gal to the point of where it would be noticeable to another client.  Is there anything universal here or should I ask the person I want to see?

5. After the session, is it OK for me to ask her to give ME and OK on P411 if she was satisfied?  Is that protocol?  Also, should I ask her if she would like a review on TER or assume she will ask me if she wants one (she is very well reviewed so I'm not sure how much I could add other than a newbie's perspective)?

That's it for starters.  I have more.  LOL.

I do have to say I'm impressed how the vets really take a vested interest in giving people new to this a helping hand.  It kind of feels like a fraternity, but the sincerity is evident.  Most just want people to have fun and be safe.

So begins my TER career.   Thanks to all in advance.

It's always best to contact the lady in the manner that she prefers.  You can mention in your email that you are a P411 member.  If she wants to know your member information, then contact her through their message system.  She doesn't need to know anything about you other than her required screening information.  No need to tell her why you want to see her.  I think she already knows.  
Not unless she asks for it.  I've never had one checked.I'd wait until after the first meeting to start talking about dress requests.  At least until you have some history under you belt.  Remember, she's never met you before and there is very little comfort zone.  You have no history and there is no one she can call to verify you are not LE.  Save special requests until you have some "cred".Ask the lady.  Personally, I'd shave.  You can grow it back in a couple of days.  Would you want sandpaper rubbing around on your tender bits?Yes,  ask her for a P411 OK and then send their request as a reminder.  I wouldn't ask if she wants a review.  Just go ahead and write an honest one.  


-- Modified on 10/17/2012 8:24:34 PM

(And by the way, they are all excellent questions.)

1.  I'd go with the P411.  It is recognized as a very high standard of screening.  You could also do both.

2.  Bring the driver's license ONLY if she requests it.  I've found that it is not that commonly asked for.

3.  Clothing requests within reason are fair game.  Go ahead and ask.  The worst she can say is no.  She may also ask for some extra $ to buy something that she doesn't already have, especially if it is pricey.

4.  Mention the facial hair if you want, but I think most gals are all right with whatever we guys can dish out.  (Tbough I think it only fair to hear what gals say.)  If intending to do DATY, I think clean shaven will be more appreciated.

5.  I'd say both of those requests are fair.

Don't be bashful about asking more.

Best wishes for the big day.

Thanks to you both....very helpful.  I may have a few other questions, but a LOT got answered after I got VIP and did some further reading.

1. I have a separate e-mail (and computer for that matter) set up for the hobby.  Is it best that I don't give this e-mail address to ANYONE?  I'm not worried about someone (ie. SO) checking my e-mails, but I am worried that someone I know might get spammed accidentally.  Also, I did use my real name when I set u my new e-mail (it's a gmail account).  Bad idea?  FYI, I plan on seeing very well reviewed providers only and I will probably be a once every few months kind of guy (that is the plan anyway).

2. Pillow talk:  How much does a provider really want to know about a client?  I know a provider is not interested in lending a shoulder to cry on.  I'm way past that.  But how much is too much in regards to your relationship history, etc.?  I recently ended a 9 year relationship with a great friend (sexually unsatisfying).  It's part of the reason I'm here.  Does a provider even give 2 $hits about that?  I am more than comfortable with small talk.....just curious as to when you are overstepping your bounds....especially with someone who you don't have history with.

3. Clock Watching:  How do I make sure I don't take advantage and look like an ass?  I don't want to have to ask "what time is it" all the time, but it would kill me to take advantage (just because of the moment) and make a lady uncomfortable (as a matter of fact, I'd prefer to leave 15 minutes early as opposed to 10 minutes late.  Should I make this known up front?  I don't want to spoil the moment, but I want to make sure she knows it's important that I don't overstay even a minute.  

Only you and your selected ladies should have your email address.  Personally, I'd set up another account using a name other than your own.  The company (Gmail, Yahoo, GMX, ect) has no way of verifying the information and the less anyone knows the better off you are.  Think of it as another layer of security.  Don't fall for the question where they ask for another email account to forward your password if you lose it.  Leave it blank or set up another anonymous account to use for that.  Tie nothing to anything that has ANY of your real information.Most of the well reviewed ladies have heard everything.  I would guess most of it without really wanting to.  Let the lady lead the conversation.  If she starts asking questions that you are not comfortable answering just let her know.  Don't go in and do a data dump on her.  It's better to let her ask what she needs to know to make the experience good for both of you.  Don't ask her personal questions (family).  She'll share what she wants to.There will almost always be a clock somewhere in the room.  Turn it to where you can see it.  Set the alarm on your phone or wrist watch at a time you feel you need to start getting ready to leave.  You do have a hobby phone?

One last thing.  There will be times you want to stay a little longer because you are having such a wonderful time.  Make sure you have the funds available to do so and ALWAYS ask if the lady is free to continue the session.  Sometimes they have other obligations.

1.  Contact her through the method she prefers.  Check on her website for instructions.

2.  Be prepared to bring ID, but many don't require it.

3.  For outfits, ask the provider.  Every one varies.

4.  Facial hair...again, ask the girl.

5.  Yes, it's okay to discuss getting an okay or reference after the appointment.  Also ask her if she is okay with reviews, as some girls don't want them at all.

Appreciate you taking the time to respond.  Super helpful.

1.  Give the email ONLY to the providers.  This email should only be for this hobby...nothing else.  Change your email name to something anonymous.

2.  Just go with the flow.  Let the provider lead the discussion.

3.  Just let the providr lead with the time, as well.  Be respectful, and she will appreciate that.

YMMV, but for me, the ENTIRE point of P411 was so that I never have to give a provider my real information.  It's a deal breaker for me.  I will not be part of somebody's list.  That means a few providers aren't going to work with me, but with solid P411 "okays," and me being willing to limit myself to people who do not do independent screening, I am 100% certain that no provider is ever going to try to shake me down, expose my secrets to my family or employers, or otherwise hurt me.  The vast, vast majority of providers would never do that, but a fair number do keep records (see, e.g. the trouble in Maine) and I flatly refuse to let anything about me end up in them.

So my risk is limited to Gina at P411, and that's damn low risk.  I actually had a previous ID there that I scrapped once, and the folks at P411 told me they could not resurrect and had to verify anew when I started up again because everything associated with it was deleted immediately after I verified with them.  It's a very solid service IMO, and the simplest way to make yourself totally anonymous to providers.

As such, per your first question, I would never show my driver's license.  P411 asks you to provide "the last four digits of something you carry in your wallet."  Mine is a well-known retail loyalty card WITHOUT my name on it.  What do I carry to appointments?  That card, my cash, and nothing else.  If I'm in my room, the rest of my shit is in the safe.  FWIW, nobody has ever asked to see the last 4 digits anyway, but if somebody did, okay -- doesn't ID me.

You seem to be looking for more of an illusion of companionship than I am, so you may be more comfortable with exposing your personal data.  For me, (and admitting it's said so often it's trite) I am not paying a provider to show up, I am paying them to leave afterward.  And I mean really LEAVE.  I want zero trace of anything in my real life accessible to a provider in the future.  

As far as I'm concerned, that's just being smart, but again, it's up to you.  One provider asked me "What company do you work for?" and I said "I have my secrets too... your name isn't really Bambi, right?" (Bambi is made up here, obviously).  We laughed, drank our drinks, and got it on again.  She didn't care, really, and neither did I.



-- Modified on 10/18/2012 6:19:59 PM

You sound like my ideal client! I am always curious about you and your life, because I always want to know people's story.

In terms of your other questions, the guys answered everything the way I would have (I've never asked to see ID, and I'm NOT showing you mine; I make sure the clock is visible as soon as I walk in the room, etc).

You're going to be fine, and have SO much fun!!!!!!  Good luck!!!

xoxoxoxo

Everyone is in this for various reasons (both providers and clients).  YMMV seems to be the one consistent theme.  It appears the people who have bad experiences are lazy and don't do their homework.  The fact that their are providers out there who like to exchange life stories (to a certain extent) is a good thing if you ask me.  I'm sure there are clients out there who could care less.  That's OK too.

Thanks to all who post on this board.  It has been a tremendous help.  Time to take the plunge.....

Is P411 the industry standard / reputable?