I know I know, ridiculous question. This is a service industry. Money exchanged for time spent. GFE is part of the charade. I'm not looking for anything but a service. I'm not looking for a SO. I enjoy my time with the providers I've seen. I treat these women with respect and some admiration. I treat them like I do good friends. I do my best to make the experience of working with me as easy as possible.

I've had great experiences with most of the women I've seen. I know the difference between a good professional relationship and anything more personal or intimate. I think just about all of the women I've seen would be happy to work with me again and/or provide a good reference (assuming they remember me). But there's this one girl, lately, who has me wondering if she's starting to feel something more...  

I could (and likely will) list the pieces of evidence that are contributing to my growing suspicion, but first wanted to pose the question: Is there any precedent that I can rely on as a form of warning and for advice in how to handle a situation which could be developing?

I know the knee-jerk response is to write me off as a paranoid (or worse, egotistical) idiot. But i'd ask for some constructive and dispassionate responses. I've been doing this for a couple of years now, seen approximately 30 providers. I've been exceptionally lucky with the ladies I've seen, though not without exception. I'd like to think I have some experience under my belt, so if I start feeling this sort of suspicion, it's not, necessarily unreasoned or coming from a place of complete ignorance.

Thanks for your time!

sometimes people do develop feelings for each other. I know a few guys on here who have dated providers, and one dude who is even married to one.  

And since providers are people too, LOL, they can feel the same vibe with someone.  

Every situation is different. and every human being is different.  

If you are asking for a cookie-cutter answer, there just isn't any...

How about this...You tell us how you will handle the issue, and we will tell you if you are reasonable or not...

-- Modified on 7/18/2013 4:34:05 PM

Either she's free now....or she's looking for you to be her SD.

Which is it?

Damn. I know I asked for constructive and dispassionate responses, but is it foolish to admit that I was really hoping for the opposite? "No, you dummy, she's a working girl. She doesn't shit where she eats! You're a conceited jerk!"

Wishful thinking, I suppose.

Honestly, if she's starting to feel an attachment, the only fair thing to do, clearly, is to not see her again and stop all communication. I'd debate whether or not to explain why I'm cutting us off from each other as it might cause more stress than it deserves. She wants to Skype next week. I'll have to say something before then. I can't afford to have her thinking we're something more, and it would be unfair and cruel of me to lead her on.

She's a terrific girl. Smart, funny, cute-as-hell, a firecracker in the bedroom and our chemistry is tremendous. It's unfortunate to have to lose such a great provider. But she's also young and relatively new to the industry (some of the context leading to this entire conversation), so it might be just as well.

but there are cases the other way.  It happens enough that we can not say "Never".   In my opinion the party who sees this happening & has no interest in exploring a further relationship should refrain from misleading conversation or statements.  If necessary, you can have the talk but I guarantee that it will put her off & the whole game suffers.  
You have to try to control it because the alternative is to stop seeing her.

As in you do not pay for time spent. If she says yes then you have your answer.  

Although we enjoy it and love the guys we see regularly for their awesome personalities, it is a business. It's how we make money. Most providers do not cross the freebie line no matter how close "friends" we are.  

Oh and if she does say yes, you have to decide if you will continue to see her.

you are only asking our permission to get into an affair...

If that's the case, you don't need any...

But if you really want one..."Sure go for it...What the heck I got to lose..."

If she hasn't suggested seeing you for free, then just assume she's really good at her job -- fostering the illusion that she's your girlfriend, and hour or two at a time.  If you're truly worried that she has feelings for you, then just stop seeing her.  There are plenty of other fish in the sea.

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nd even then, it's iffy. You can be incredibly fond and even love someone in this business, but as long as you know your place.. there isn't a huge problem. I'd say relax until it becomes an actual problem.

NTFUAGT.

That is to say:  Always Be Careful Not To Fuck Up A Good Thing.

Which is what usually happens when you get possessive of a gal.  She might feel like you are getting to close; or vice versa;, then you get clingy and jealous and start stalking.  It's a sad story made none the less tawdry by its oft repetition.

So, keep your eye on the prize, and enjoy the times you have with her knowing that if you act sane and maintain boundaries, you'll enjoy the pleasures of seeing her for years to come.

I see quite a few gals who really excite me and it would be so easy to succumb and do weird stuff, but I've been there and done that long ago and learned my lesson.

It's all up to you now.

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I fail to see how this is a bad thing.

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Falling for the other person happens on both sides.  There is nothing to prevent it, you are being very intimate with a person of the opposite sex, and if you do it often enough, feelings pop up.  Trust me, I speak from experience.  It doesn't matter how many providers you have been with, when you meet that one that really rocks your boat, look out.  Don't know how to tell you to get out of it, but it ain't gonna be easy.

If she has feelings for you, you better be sure, and if you have the same for her, it's best to make sure that both of you are on the same page.  While it's very rare, I do know of providers and clients that have actually gone so far as to get married.  Just take baby steps in this, and be very careful.

Swim

on your age, her age; do you have a SO or Mrs.? Might she be attached or have a BF?

Trend lightly. Mr. Fisher gave you good advice.

Ha, I promise I'm not looking for permission for anything. The only way I justify this whole activity to myself is to think of it as expensive masturbation, so no attachment.  

I think I really just want to be reassured that I'm being paranoid, because if I am, then I can relax and just enjoy the ride with a superb provider who really excels at GFE -- along with most everything else.

The paranoia is coming from a collection of things:

The fact that my first date with her was through an agency. It went well and she asked for my number or, failing that, my email address. This isn't the first time that's happened, girls thinking about going independent do that all the time. No flags there, initially. I gave her my email address.  

Shortly after that I was out of town on business and she started emailing me. Not intrusive or inappropriate (well, not for the circumstances, at least), but still, coming to me wanting to talk to me, wanting phone sex. Seemed hot to me, so she called me up that night and we had phone sex. She sent me pictures. It was great. Part of me thought, though, "Does this count as a free date?" No, that's ridiculous. If anything, she's a super smart businesswoman because it certainly drew me in hook, line and sinker when I got back to town.

Home, now, and looking for a date. She'd already said she was available on the day I was thinking, so I reached out to her. We eventually settled on an outcall to my place. Probably the stupidest thing I've done in this hobby (aside from leaving my hobby email open at one point). In the end, the date went smoothly, chemistry was, again, great, along with everything else.  

I drove her back towards her apartment because I had an errand to run in the same area (she'd taken public transport out to me). The entire way she insisted on holding my hand and stared at me dreamily. I won't say I was creeped out or put off. But if it was an act, it was certainly the longest, best-sustained GFE performance I've ever encountered.

Combine that with the fact that she's pretty young (Claims a believable 20. Even if she's lying, she can't be over 22) and the family, school and hometown back story she's shared (again, I know that all comes with a grain of salt) with me, and a lot of little flags start to build up and I get on TER and ask about precedent looking for people to tell me I'm being paranoid.  

I'm eager to be wrong, but I don't want to ask for a "free date" because I'm a little afraid that she might say yes (or, if she says no, then *I* look like the over-attached John looking for something more).

-- Modified on 7/18/2013 10:23:55 PM

If you don't "ask", the answer is always NO...Well almost always.. There have been ton of girls out there, I wished had I had asked out. What's the worse could have happened. They would have said NO.. A lot of people say, that fear of rejection is somethings ranked higher than fear of death....

And Second thing..You only live once...

So if its really bothering you, go ask her out man.. Get it out of your damn system..

I get the feeling that you want to date this chic, but are afraid of something, which only you can decide, and a part of you also is afraid of rejection. That's fucked up dude..

You don't seem to be a troll to me. You seem to be a serious guy. So I'm giving you some serious advice...

Who wants to go to grave thinking, "woulda, coulda shoulda"

Now back to watching Pawn Stars....

-- Modified on 7/18/2013 9:18:38 PM

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Ha, enjoy your Pawn Stars, Curly. I've just discovered "Naked and Afraid" on Discovery. That show's intense! :P

I do appreciate the advice (from everyone). I will reiterate that I'm *not* looking for a relationship with this woman (beyond a professional one). What is the best way to determine, with confidence, whether or not she's developing feelings without giving her the impression that the feeling's mutual?

What I'm sure I want is to continue working with this woman without her getting the impression that I want something more. The fear (what I was hoping was mere paranoia) is that she's getting attached. Since it sounds like there *is* precedent for providers developing feelings for hobbyists, I have a dilemma.

I know it's probably useless to ask this since all you have to go on is what I'm telling you about me and interpreting about her, but what's the best way to shut down that line of thinking for her? Is it possible to do so without killing the professional relationship? I'm prepared for the answer to that second question to be "no", but it'd still be sad.  

Assuming she is developing feelings for me:

Best case: I help her realize that a relationship is not on the table, but we can still happily P2P and take advantage of the good chemistry.

Worst case: She *doesn't* take it well, thinks I've been leading her on, develops an obsession and (remember) knows where I live. (Even saying all that makes me self-conscious of being conceited and proud, but it does worry me.)

Thanks, again, for everyone's help!

I have fallen for hobbyist.

The difference is when I don't make it about the "donation" anymore. Dinner, golf, fun and good times. That is the defining point for a possible relationship.

Just my 2 cents.

xoxo Christy

If a client asked to fuck for free, I am suddenly unavailable and I can say that with 100% certainty.

It's not you..it's probably any guy that is attractive and nice to her. New and especially young providers tend to look for a sugar daddy so they can quit the biz. So, even if you're the one right now, you might not be in 6 months. I would not read much into it unless she is stalking you with emails and phone calls.

real man.
We ALL bring something to the table

using her

my badd...lo

So I should be hopeful that she will eventually realize that I'm not the parachute. The knee-jerk bleeding heart in me would love to see the damsel in distress in everyone and play the shining knight, but I know I have neither the means nor the emotional bandwidth to pull that off.

Warning signs to look out for will be obsessive (and possessive?) behavior towards me.  

I suppose I'll keep an eye out for any real signs of that sort and then do my best to let her down easy and stop making appointments with her.  

Seem reasonable?

When you fell, or felt yourself starting to fall, for a hobbyist, was there anything they could have done to dissuade you from going down that road and still stay friendly enough to continue the professional relationship?

This girl is great. I'd love to keep seeing her (and, more importantly, donating), but if she's falling for me, is there anything I can do? Or do I just need to cut things off completely before she gets hurt?

For the record -- because I think there's been some confusion -- I have no intention of asking anyone for anything for free. I don't want to use anyone.

What I'm concerned about is if *she* is starting to have feelings for *me*. If she is, I need to know the kindest, but most effective, way to dissuade her from getting emotionally attached to me.  

My original question was: Is there precedent of a provider falling for a hobbyist? Has it happened before?

The answer appears to be yes, so now I know I'm not crazy in my suspicion. I may still need to confirm that it's actually happening in *this* instance, but if I do confirm it, and she *is* falling for me, how do I let her down easy?  

Is there a way to continue a professional relationship (as in, I continue to donate for her time) safely, without her getting hurt, or do I just need to cut things off entirely?

Thanks for your time and understanding!

Talk to her about it, very frankly.  That is what I would want if I were in that situation.  Tell her what the boundaries are, for example, that you do not plan to be exclusive to her, and you do not expect her to be exclusive to you, and anything else you think needs spelling out.  I can tell from the way you write about this situation that you will be able to communicate this sensitively and well to her.

You could also, maybe after this discussion, see another provider, and review her.  So your love-struck one knows she is not your one-and-only and that you were serious about the non-exclusivity thing.  Not to hurt her, but to keep both of you from going some place you don't really want to go.  

If she freaks out about that appt w/another, then it is time to part ways, IMHO.  If she is cool with it, and your terms, and gives you a little extra OTC, w/o expecting more, then dude, congratulations :

Oh my goodness. Now that I have read this part of the thread, holy cow, she IS falling for you and she crossed a whole bunch of lines, but she IS young and it's to be expected.  You must have been some kind of nice to her!  I believe your hunch is right. And hunches almost always are, aren't they?

I'm not a hobbyist -- but if I were! I think I would move on at this point.  I'm not sure the kind talk about boundaries would work.  I am sure there are very mature 20 year old girls out there, esp. among providers, but I wasn't one and I haven't met any. They just don't have the life experience to you know, make these distinctions.  I don't think she's going to get the whole let's-just-enjoy-the-chemistry-thing and not wish it were more -- not from what you described.

You are so sweet to consider her feelings in this way, but there is this: you may be doing her a great favor by ending it, if you think you can.  Before she gets in any deeper.  And it hurts a whole lot more

I was sayin a sure why to find out is to see if she wants to see you off the clock ... Then you know there are feelings

You basically have 2 choices in my opinion  
1 talk to her however you decide to do it and find out if she does and if so don't see her anymore. She will get hurt!
2 ignore the signs and see what happens just beware of a storm in the future

It's like a friendship and one of the parties starts having more than friends feelings. Once you start going down that emotion  road the person can't just turn off those feelings because the other one tells them they only see them as a friend.  Someone will get hurt and possibly in time with space you can be friends again by possibly a bit harder in this case with a provider/hobbyist relationship.  

As for my situation ... I'm still working it out =C

Doesn't seem asinine at all. I think what's tripping things up here is the word "like". Obviously providers and clients *like* each other every day. This is a discussion about something more serious, a transition from provider/client to a SO relationship, presumably one that is not SD/SB. That would not make him any less of a real man, that is simply the nature of relationships outside of the hobby.

If she truly is looking to go from provider/client to dating, perhaps there is only one issue in the way of this being a good thing for you, rather than a bad thing. First, you will reach an age, especially if you remain active and outgoing, where you'll want someone younger than yourself. Second, if her care for you is genuine, she won't try to mess up your life, be it family or career. Honestly, if you enjoy her company and she enjoys yours, then there may be less to that line of cash being exchanged or not being exchanged than you think.

But then again, there are providers out there whose allure includes making their clients feel like there is a real romantic connection, she could just be very talented at what she does.