This came up in the General Boards, too.
My reply concerned the "downstream" consequences on future arrangements. I wrote:
I've had too many NCNS and very late cancellations, even from those I've seen before and who know me.
As a consequence, I've stopped bringing pricey, potentially embarrassing gifts: lingerie, toys, women's clothing, feminine things, etc.. It takes time and effort (and maybe some humiliation!) for a guy (this guy, anyway) to shop for some of that stuff and then to be left "holding the bag" when I have to be someplace else two or three hours later does not work. I've given stuff away to homeless people or "lost" some items on the subway just so I don't have to explain myself when I show up at a meeting with friends or for business later that day or night.
I know that many ladies say that it takes time to prepare for a meeting, whether it's a 1-hour or multi-hour date. SAME FOR US GUYS. We have to fiddle schedules, sometimes travel long distances to an incall, shop!, etc.. A last minute cancellation or NCNS by either party costs more than one hour of inconvenience.
I had a session in DC over this weekend, and the day of the session I got a last-minute cancellation by the provider.
Now...I am not saying that providers aren't allowed to do this. They certainly are (as we are).
But the excuse given by the provider was completely and utterly unbelievable. It was crystal clear to me that something made her change her mind. Instead of being honest with me and saying, "I'm just not comfortable, sorry," she made up some really weak excuse that conflicted with her previous confirmation emails.
Would you rather a provider be honest and tell you why she is canceling, or would you rather have some obviously weak lie told to you?
Curious. In the end, it doesn't matter because the outcome is still the same, but it does matter because if you did something wrong, you probably would want to know.
She may have cancelled because she had a multi-hour appt come up thus many not wanted to insult you or may you feel uncomfortable. If you did something wrong, she would have canceled a lot sooner. She may have had some drama that made her uncomfortable to see anyone at that time of day. Regardless of the excuse (truthful or lie) I'd be glad she cancled before I left to see her. if her excuse sounds lame, I wouldn't see her again. If truthful and not silly, I might try to see her again.
As you said, in the end it doesn't matter: its a go or no-go. Plenty of women out there to spend your money and affections on.
Most probably are right when u say that she is making up an excuse, I think u are wrong when you think that it's you. She wouldn't have booked in the first place if it was you. I think it's more accurate to assume that something came up for whatever reason and not wanting to tell you what that is she just made an excuse but don't assume that it's you. That's most likely the last reason.
Now...I am not saying that providers aren't allowed to do this. They certainly are (as we are).
But the excuse given by the provider was completely and utterly unbelievable. It was crystal clear to me that something made her change her mind. Instead of being honest with me and saying, "I'm just not comfortable, sorry," she made up some really weak excuse that conflicted with her previous confirmation emails.
Would you rather a provider be honest and tell you why she is canceling, or would you rather have some obviously weak lie told to you?
Curious. In the end, it doesn't matter because the outcome is still the same, but it does matter because if you did something wrong, you probably would want to know.
Thanks.
Days before the appointment I told her exactly the hotel I was staying at. She is based in the city I was visiting this weekend, so it's logical to conclude that she knew the area well. She even responded by saying, "Great. I will have my driver wait in the lobby." Not my preferred answer, but okay, whatever...a girl has to be safe.
The day of the appointment I get an email asking me, "Wait, are you staying in this city or that city?" The two cities are less than five miles away according to Google maps. I responded by reminding her I was staying in city X.
And then she responds, "Oh, that's a problem. I have no car and I can't get out there." I forwarded her the email where she said her driver would wait in the lobby. Her excuse is then that she has no car and her driver can't make it.
So I say, "How about I come to you then?"
No response.
Days before the appointment I told her exactly the hotel I was staying at. She is based in the city I was visiting this weekend, so it's logical to conclude that she knew the area well. She even responded by saying, "Great. I will have my driver wait in the lobby." Not my preferred answer, but okay, whatever...a girl has to be safe.
The day of the appointment I get an email asking me, "Wait, are you staying in this city or that city?" The two cities are less than five miles away according to Google maps. I responded by reminding her I was staying in city X.
And then she responds, "Oh, that's a problem. I have no car and I can't get out there." I forwarded her the email where she said her driver would wait in the lobby. Her excuse is then that she has no car and her driver can't make it.
So I say, "How about I come to you then?"
No response.
Well, it certainly does sound like you're a gentleman and upstanding guy, but I have also seen concerns or fear from some of the ladies that if they're honest, the prospective client might go ballistic and start making threats like leaving bad reviews etc.
I suppose the more paranoid among the ladies would rather give weak lies to soften the blow rather than risk the cold truth.
Personally I always always prefer honesty.
But to each their own. You can't really do anything about allaying others fears without establishing mutual trust.
Now...I am not saying that providers aren't allowed to do this. They certainly are (as we are).
But the excuse given by the provider was completely and utterly unbelievable. It was crystal clear to me that something made her change her mind. Instead of being honest with me and saying, "I'm just not comfortable, sorry," she made up some really weak excuse that conflicted with her previous confirmation emails.
Would you rather a provider be honest and tell you why she is canceling, or would you rather have some obviously weak lie told to you?
Curious. In the end, it doesn't matter because the outcome is still the same, but it does matter because if you did something wrong, you probably would want to know.
I would never leave a bad review if I never saw her.
I just thought it was a truly weak excuse. She should tell the truth or learn to lie better.
If she said something came up, that would probably not have raised any flags with me. The excuse she gave was riddled with inconsistencies.
I suppose the more paranoid among the ladies would rather give weak lies to soften the blow rather than risk the cold truth.
Personally I always always prefer honesty.
But to each their own. You can't really do anything about allaying others fears without establishing mutual trust.
Now...I am not saying that providers aren't allowed to do this. They certainly are (as we are).
But the excuse given by the provider was completely and utterly unbelievable. It was crystal clear to me that something made her change her mind. Instead of being honest with me and saying, "I'm just not comfortable, sorry," she made up some really weak excuse that conflicted with her previous confirmation emails.
Would you rather a provider be honest and tell you why she is canceling, or would you rather have some obviously weak lie told to you?
Curious. In the end, it doesn't matter because the outcome is still the same, but it does matter because if you did something wrong, you probably would want to know.
I just took a look on your reviews and most of your ladies have are rated 7 and none above 8.
In my view, those are not bad scores, but for a lady with a string of 9s & 10s, it means IF you review them it will be with a critical eye and whatever you write will stand out like a sore thumb.
Probably, when she booked with you, she was not able to read them.
This is just one wild guess, but maybe that's why she came out with conflicted excuses, so the real motive was not explained to you.
Also, it could be that you might be in some shitty list and, again, once she found out her decision was not to see you.
Or, third guess, whatever she told you was - indeed - the truth! Stuff happens when we travel, sometimes we have no other way but cancel on an appointment.
Just move on, plenty of fish in the sea!
My 2 cents!
Thanks.
I think if I showed you the string of emails, it would probably seem less likely that she had "forgotten" where I was, as she tried to spin it off as.
What I found most insulting, personally, was that after I basically said, "Well, if my location is an issue, then how about I see you at a location that works for you," she never responded. So that basically tells me that no matter what, there was no chance I was gonna see her, and that the excuse itself made no sense.
As far as my reviews and scores...I think 9s and 10s are given out way too frequently, personally. The very fact that a "7" means a "hot time" and an "8" means that she "went the extra mile...well, those are good things.
As far as looks, a "7" is "attractive" and an "8" is "really hot." So I go by what that description means.
Kudos for doing that! I am also sticking to the description and being very honest, but I am also afraid that girls don't like it if you give lower than what other reviewers have given.
Then there is the problem of references!! If we are honest, are we going to get references? Sometimes is hard to get references even without reviewing the girls. Many providers are lazy or "busy" but when it is the other way around....... oh well!!
I took a look at his recent reviews, 10 or so. (I skipped the older ones with multiple pages to scan through to find his.) His numbers seem to be close to the average for all the ones I looked at. Sometimes his scores are above average, sometimes below, but nothing wildly far away from the ratings of others.
I agree with this. Whatever reason you have doesn't matter; certain top rated providers will put you on a dns list if you rate others so critically. You may believe you are being fair and others are inflated but it doesn't change how women will think when they look at your history. It's definately a factor with anyone with a good rating, and it's not worth the trouble.
Some of the these girls are considerate, thoughtful professionals and then there's the rest. Of course it would be best to have someone be upfront with you but that's a high expectation anywhere in our society so it's not too surprising that this is reflected here. Chaulk it up to a lesson learned and let it go!
That's just window dressing. If one says no I'll just move on the next one.
References aren't an issue. So it's probably her. I am not going to obsess over a canceled session.
This came up in the General Boards, too.
My reply concerned the "downstream" consequences on future arrangements. I wrote:
I've had too many NCNS and very late cancellations, even from those I've seen before and who know me.
As a consequence, I've stopped bringing pricey, potentially embarrassing gifts: lingerie, toys, women's clothing, feminine things, etc.. It takes time and effort (and maybe some humiliation!) for a guy (this guy, anyway) to shop for some of that stuff and then to be left "holding the bag" when I have to be someplace else two or three hours later does not work. I've given stuff away to homeless people or "lost" some items on the subway just so I don't have to explain myself when I show up at a meeting with friends or for business later that day or night.
I know that many ladies say that it takes time to prepare for a meeting, whether it's a 1-hour or multi-hour date. SAME FOR US GUYS. We have to fiddle schedules, sometimes travel long distances to an incall, shop!, etc.. A last minute cancellation or NCNS by either party costs more than one hour of inconvenience.
Reason. Nor do I care. I don't take it personally at all.
In my 10 years in the hobby, I have NEVER stood up any provider. If I am not sure if I can keep an appointment, I just do not make one and I have missed out quite a few times when my schedule opens up, but the lady is spoken for.
Ladies have cancelled a few times on me, twice this year, not bad for a 10-year stretch. In one case, the lady was kind enough to TXT me an hour earlier about her scheduling difficulties and since we have met before, I did not think she did it on purpose. I will see her again, if our schedules work out.
In another case, the lady e-mailed me an hour before to say that she wanted to push the appointment back by half an hour, and then when I was agreeable to it, called me to say that she could actually keep the original appointment, if I wanted and when I told her either way I was fine, she told me she will call right back and finalize the time. Then TXTed me 5 minutes later to say that she was not feeling well and must cancel. I did not buy that excuse, something smelled fishy. She is from NYC and is active on this board. But I will NEVER see her again though she seems to be lowering her fees every month. And I heard later that she has done it before, so obviosuly she is a repeat offender. And I understand many NYC hobbyist knows who that is.
The bottom line is these things do happen and while most ladies are very good at keeping their dates, a handful are not and the key is to identify them and avoid them. The same goes for the hobbyists who cancel at the last moment. It is just downright rude.
-- Modified on 6/19/2011 7:13:32 PM
Agreed 100% on this. If I am even remotely gonna run late thru dinner or a previous event, I will book a much later time to be conservative and then call/text/email if I open up earlier.
I always try to respect her time as it were my own.
If I think we will need more time, I book and pay for it as opposed to trying to sneak more time in.
A little common courtesy goes a long way.