well he was said to have spoken disrespectful, and acted very rough....and asked for things that are not exactly kosher.
He was a great date for me LOL I dunno>>>I had this happen with someone else who I saw no lie: a dozen times. He was a GREAT client but a true hobbyist...he liked his variety. So when he asked for references I was very quick to answer any emails with a good report. The feedback I got as that he was "flaky"...setting apps and then canceling.
Again, he was not like that with me...
I have a client who I had a good experience with and two other providers seem to have had a bad one. I give good references when they are deserved and I base it purely on my own experience with that person.
What does one do when two other ladies get back to me with pretty bad complaints about someone who my time with was positive?
Do I continue to "knight" this person based on my own session or do I throw in a warning based on other peoples?
-- Modified on 2/22/2011 5:18:42 PM
First off what were the complaints? Was it his attitude or was it based on something he wanted to do that they did not want to do, that you have done with him in the past? It all depends if they feel he crossed the line in some way.
As far as being a reference, isn't it always based on the way he was with you anyway, when giving that reference. But like anything else if it continually happens, other providers calling you and complaining, then you might have to reconsider "knighting" that person in the future. Especially if it will compromise your standing with others.
You might then consider a caveat to others when given as a reference.
well he was said to have spoken disrespectful, and acted very rough....and asked for things that are not exactly kosher.
He was a great date for me LOL I dunno>>>I had this happen with someone else who I saw no lie: a dozen times. He was a GREAT client but a true hobbyist...he liked his variety. So when he asked for references I was very quick to answer any emails with a good report. The feedback I got as that he was "flaky"...setting apps and then canceling.
Again, he was not like that with me...
I think you can only speak to your personal experience.
thats what I always thought...but basically when more then one lady complains it makes me take notice
a while back, there was a lady i enjoyed playing with, and i recommended her to several clients. those gents later came back to me with stories ranging from strange to scary.
after that, when a client asked about her, i shared my positive experience PLUS the fact that i had heard concern-worthy negative reports about her from people i trusted. and i expect other ladies/gents to do the same when i am the one asking for the reference! really, anything else seems nothing short of cuckoo.
Give your experience plus the extra information with the qualifier that it's second-hand information.
The other provider can then make their own decision based on ALL the available information.
I might consider asking him to use a more recent reference going forward as he has in fact spent time with others since yourself.
The truth is 2 out of 3 is a 33 percent chance at this point that he will be well behaved these numbers he himself was involved in creating , you had no influence clearly. .This is from the feedback you have received and information most currently available .My question to you is this if you did not meet him before and had a great experience knowing what you know now would you personally see him? Would you send another to see him knowing 66 percent of the time he had a bad review? Would a guy see a girl whos reviews were bad 66 percent of the time? No ,no they wouldn't..
I realize you have had a easy time with this individual but for all you know he was on good behavior during your encounter specifically so that he might have a great reference from a well known and liked provider?
Also it could be this person is moody or even bipolar 6.4 percent of the population over the age of 18 in the us are according to wikapedia .. It is a very real possibility he was not in the same frame of mind when he was with you as he was on the days he saw the other girls even without a mental disorder. Mood swing ... duck...
Some girls have a limit on how long a reference can in fact be used.3 months , 6 months etc. If I thought i would be risking my reputation for someone else other than a family memeber well it woldn't be one of the options I would choose from .We all have a bad day sometimes when we have more bad ones than good ones it becomes problematic. Good luck whichever you decide.Lianna
well the thing is he is being offered as a sort of whitelist on another site. So he is forever up there as a reference from CSJ...sometimes people will contact me directly, sometimes they just go by the fact that hes up there.
you can certainly delete a white-listing on TER (i've done it) and i'd hope you could do the same wherever else white-lists are posted.
i was contacted by a potential client not so long ago who used his only white-listing as a form of verification. i got a bad feeling from the guy, so i contacted the lady directly - and she had some very crummy things to say about him. ladies, please update this information as needed!
Per Lianna....
"I might consider asking him to use a more recent reference going forward as he has in fact spent time with others since yourself".
If the hobbyist in question is being disrespectful somehow, then you probably don't want to be caught up in the middle any further. Once, well YMMV, twice, not good.
I know that if the shoe were on the other foot, I would appreciate the updated knowledge of a provider going awry.
Neither endorse nor condemn. If it was just one complaint that would be one thing but there is a little too much smoke not to think there is fire somewhere. The last thing you want is to let his poor reputation affect your sterling history.
would a good and fair answer be:
I had a great time with this person, they were generous and very cordial, but I have received more then one negative feedback remarks and it seems to be YMMV?
Would you be pissed if my voiced opinion of you came from 2 ladies I never met?
Again, just asking because there are so many ways to look at this.
Other than that you would be simply joining the rumor mill which if reversed would make anybody unhappy...I think how one handles themselves with you is the only thing you can speak accurately, objectively and honestly about
I agree my teddy bear.
But just to play devils advocate for a sec.....
if you saw lets say.... ME....
and had the best time ever...like lets say it was off the charts mind blowing great.
Then two of your buddies saw me and I had a horrible attitude, odor (LOL) and performance, would that cause you to change your 10/10 review?
just asking...
I would probably not give personal a references either. I would rather not get in the middle under that scenario.
It would be worse for a hobbyist to be rough with a provider then for a hobbyist to just have a mediocre time with a provider. Two different standards apply here.
It would be worse for a hobbyist to be rough with a provider then for a hobbyist to just have a mediocre time with a provider. Two different standards apply here.
"I had no issues at all but you might want to ask around because others have differing opinions"
This way yo are not stating anything bad second hand, nor are you saying you agree with whats being said...but you are opening the door to question things a bit more.
interesting post about angels and demons from submissive angel
always tell the truth.. in this case you have had positive experience with the fellow and that you would see him again, on the other hand if you know the other ladies who had less than a stellar experience, have the person requested the references check with them as well, it takes it out of your hands and allows for direct communication and reduces the likelihood of misinterpretation of the facts....
Doesn't this hinge on your view of how reliable those other girls are? If they are people you are close to and really trust it's hard to disregard what they have to say and you probably ought to qualify your endorsement somewhat. If not, it's hard to substitute their complaints for your own experience.
define reliable. I don't know them....but they are two girls who don't know each other at all. I get what your saying though which is why it makes it hard.
We have all seen reviews on this site that we don't agree with...either because you had a much better time with a ldy who scored a 5 in performance or perhaps saw someone had a boring hour or two and see she got tens after you had that date.
Its opinion, and opinion like beauty, is all about the beholder.
Angels and demons? Is that some board game others were playing while I was immersed in dungeons and dragons? No? OK, I think I get the point of this thread.
First, you must be something special. Well, that sounds like I'm speculating. I'm not. I know.
A guy who may get ornery with someone else minds their manners with you, because they want to repeat. You're a very special catch and case. They act out-of-line with you and they are not coming back, ever. Zero tolerance for you, I am sure, and I'd bet that is the case with most providers. No three strikes and you're out. One strike is all you get.
Second, my guess is these guys who were on their best behavior with you, really didn't care if they repeated with these other ladies who reported back to you they had bad experiences. These clowns just let their freak flags fly and their bad manners and creepiness out because they weren't repeating and didn't care. They weren't planning on using these ladies they behaved badly for as references anyway. They are going to use someone like you, who they treated nicely, as their repeated reference.
Lastly is your conundrum. What do you say the next time they come back for a reference, now that you know others did not get the royal treatment you got? You don't color your opinion with what amounts to hearsay, but you offer in closing your reference this. "Though I had a great time with him, I'd check around a bit, as I've had good references given me too and found out others had different opinions, so I always get more than one reference, just in case I was lucky". There, you haven't sabotaged the guy with someone else's opinion. You've only supplied your own, but you left some seed to sprout that cautions the woman asking you that she should be more thorough than just accepting your reference as the be all and end all.
I agree. Kind of.
The thing is its a safety issue now. No he didn't beat anyone or steal their money, but he insulted someone and was a bit rough. I put myself on the receiving end and I think I would want to know ..even if it were just a rumor.
But I had ONE instance where I commented to a fellow provider on someone and she SHOWED him my email. And it was her first time seeing him so they had no friendship forged before hand. She had no idea he actually told me and I never told her I knew.
It sort of puts a damper on things when ladies turn on ladies....
I agree with countyourmoney, but would go one step beyond. When dealing with an issue of possible personal safety, I'd think that the best approach would be to tell the lady seeking the reference that you know the prospective client has seen so-and-so and that you'd suggest that she talk to that lady.
And now my protective side comes out (not preachy, please don't misunderstand). Having heard something negative from another lady, I'd think it prudent not to see the gentleman again. Given that the behavior apparently occurred with more than one lady, then I'd consider that a propensity, and I see no reason to put yourself potentially in harm's way. You have no way of knowing whether a guy could escalate from insulting someone and being a bit rough or whether the next time he will be different with you. Remember, innocent until proven guilty is wonderful constitutional protection for a defendant who is being prosecuted by the government, but it has no application when it comes to your personal safety.
Those are my two cents' worth, anyhow.
Well, that is more than just awkward, which is why I think my suggestion goes far enough, without putting you in a bad position if it gets shown around.