Well, I think it's time...

While I've only been an occasional poster, a look back at my review history will show I've been a part of the TER community for the better part of a decade.

I started in the hobby in 1995 after the dramatic breakup of my first engagement.   The internet was still in it's infancy and I'm proud to say that I was a participant as internet escorting has become the business that it is today.  

I continued in the hobby for a number of years until 2003 when I met the woman who is now my wife.  I decided to stop hobbying while I courted her.  I contemplated many times telling her about my hobbying past but, thankfully, good sense took hold of me before I ever did.  

I was absent from the hobby for a number of years until I received an unexpected email from an old ATF who was returning to town for a few days and wanted to connect with some old clients UTR.  I was flattered to have been contacted and despite my love for my (then) fiance and our healthy sex life, I grew nostalgic for my days as a hobbiest.  I truly wrestled with the notion of seeing my old ATF while still engaged, but my nostalgia got the better of me and we got together.  

It wasn't quite like old times, but we still had fun.  Regardless, the tiger was let out of it's cage and I was a full blown hobbiest again.  I was perhaps more active than I ever was before, constantly scanning the boards and the ads for someone that seemed intriguing to me.  I met alot of fascinating women, even made a friend or two.  I met pornstars privately for the first time in my life.  I reviewed my adventures more commonly now as well, not wanting my TER membership to lapse nor wanting the charge to appear on my credit card bill.  

Don't get me wrong, all this while, I am happily married.  Whether you choose to believe me or not, I really am.  My wife is beautiful, sexy, intelligent, caring, and an overall wonderful woman.  

So why do I do this?  

I honestly don't know.  For a while I couldn't stop myself if I tried.  I loved meeting new women, I loved re-meeting women that I felt I had a good chemistry with.

For a long while I wrestled with a crisis of conscience.  Why would I seek relations outside of my marriage when my marriage was, in fact, quite good?  I hope some other board members will agree with me when I say that I ultimately reached the conclusion that, for me, one doesn't necessarily have to do with other.  I received maybe 90% of everything I needed in a relationship from my wife.  I felt that to expect 100% from anyone was, quite frankly, an unrealistic expectation and unfair to either of us.   It seemed preferable to me to seek out the missing 10% outside of the marriage rather than resent my wife for it.   I'm not sure if this was just an attempt to justify my duplicitous behavior to myself, but it satisfied me.

So I continued in the hobby unabated by guilt.

I've met some of the more well known providers and also managed to connect with some UTR operators as well.

For the most part, I think I've had a pretty well rounded experience in the hobby.  I've had some really good experiences, and some really bad ones.  

All the while I think I was looking for something, but I never knew exactly what it was.

All this changed last April when I met someone quite unlike anyone I've ever met in the hobby before.  I was impressed by her from the moment I met her.

She was a young woman who was brand new to the scene.  She was independent and she, being one of the most intelligent people I have EVER met, did not go into this thing blind.  She had done an exhaustive amount of research on the profession before meeting her first client, who I, unfortunately, was not.  She operated for the most part UTR early on and for a brief time operated above the radar only to return to UTR status shortly thereafter.  I was honored to have been a client of hers through all that.  

I've known her for about 6 months now, but I feel like we've known each other much longer.  Her presence in the business was time limited from the beginning.  She had specific financial goals she wanted to reach and she would then be leaving the area indefinitely.   After a couple of fantastic dates together, I made the decision, without regret, that during the remainder of her time in the business, I would see her exclusively.

I was there for her when she had her first bad experience with a client, something I had hoped she might be able to sidestep.  She was there for me when I had some personal drama in my own life.  We shared personal stories with one another and I can speak to the fact that I shared things with her I have not shared with anyone.  We both had significant others, unaware of our "other life" and we spoke at length about that and our personal inner struggles with it.  I think it is safe to say that we became true friends.

She was the first woman that I felt comfortable enough to describe and live out certain fantasy roleplay dates with and I had my first overnight date with her.   We just parted ways the other day when I took her to the airport, we said goodbye to one another and I watched her go through security to get on a plane for more adventures outside of the hobby.  My emotions are very mixed...  I'll miss her terribly, and part of me wishes she would stay, but I realize that is incredibly selfish of me.   Moreover, I am incredibly happy to see her move on to new things and follow her dreams.

I'm proud of her for sticking to her plan and not getting sucked in by the life or addicted to the money.  I'm honored to sincerely call her a friend.  I have the utmost admiration and respect for her.  I'm about 12 years her senior, but she reminds me in many ways of myself when I was her age.  In all our time together over the past 6 months, the dates, the conversations, the joking around, the emails, the meals together, and with the possible exception of before our very first meeting, I never once thought of her as an escort.  She was a friend... with benefits   I've always maintained strict personal and emotional boundaries in my hobby life.  Although I admit I've become fond of some women I've met before, as I have with her.  But for the first time, I realized that were timing different, were I younger and were neither of us to have significant others, as we both do and we're both very happy with,  I would have wanted to ask her on a real date.  But I know better...

I believe things happen for a reason.  People's lives may cross paths, and while that exchange may sometimes be brief, one or both of their lives may be irrevocably changed.  Hopefully for the better.

She's motivated me to re-prioritize my life.  Professionally and personally.  I love the hobby.  I have no issue with it as it has given me many great experiences and memories.  It's just that after meeting her, I don't think anyone can fill the space in my life that she fit so well into.  There are alot of wonderful women in this profession, but I've never clicked so well with one as I did with her.  I'm just not sure why I would continue right now.  

Whether she realizes it or not, she's helped me to understand that what I was looking for in all those years of hobbying was something comfortable, sweet, friendly, intimate and affectionate.  Something I also have right at home.  Without trying, she helped me to realize that.  I feel like after a good long run in the hobby, she's the final chapter of a long story.  A fitting climax.  My only regret is that it took me 15 years to meet her.  

So, I'm going to take a break, an indefinite sebatacle if you will...  I may return to the hobby someday.  I've no idea.  But for now, my desire is for my wife.  The only other woman who makes me feel like this young woman did.  

Even though we've both moved on to what I believe are new chapters in our lives, I sincerely hope our friendship continues.  There was something indefinable we had that I'd rather not analyze, but would prefer just to think back on fondly once in a while... and smile.

Morgan,

I must say it was an eloquent goodbye you posted.

Its not surprising that you came away with more from the hobby than most. A better understanding of yourself and your wants in life. Not being married I do not think your wrong for participating in this hobby. You realized that it was not so much a release of sorts but it made you a better person in the end. That can be attributed both to the women you met and the experiences encountered, both sexual and personal.

We should all be so lucky to become enlightened as you have. I have met some amazing women here, I have not reviewed them all. Not that there is some emotional connection, but I have enjoyed there company and just wanted to keep it to myself.

Good luck to you on your future endeavors.

Your letter was well written but I think you are hoping the lady in question will read this letter and come running back to your arms and then passionately kiss you for hours upon hours. Physical passion is a good thing to find inside the hobby but emotional passion that is a lost cause in the hobby.

I am sorry but the hobby is not meant to create a love connection rather the hobby is just a BUSINESS transaction. The hobby is not the game show THE LOVE CONNECTION.

In order to truly have a FRIEND with BENEFITS you don't hand over envelopes filled with cash after hanging out with said FRIEND. It is fine to treat a lady to a nice dinner or taking the lady out dancing but leaving cash after sex is just a BUSINESS transaction.

Sorry but these are the facts of life from playing in the hobby world.

Good, now we can get back to anonymous, no-strings attached bangin'.  Yeesh.

QFT.  lol
I'm going to help the original poster out, with his "why am I in the hobby question?"  How about because it gives you the chance to sleep with some really hot young girls for a relatively small amount of money and also to be completely no strings attached.

Many friends I know have banged the hot young girl at work; many of them ended up divorced or in serious trouble in their relationships.  I'd rather get motivated (in part) by the hot young girls at work and go see some hotter escorts.  Get the good part without all the BS and high risk of a mistress at work.

ARaybrook

About time we got some interesting post, other than 'I'm hear in NYC from this date to that date, so come bang me."

Mr. Morgan, your post is well written and makes for good reading and touches on the various feelings we hobbists all feel at one point or another during this journey of ours.

Cheers,

I beg to differ.  Some people like the chemistry with what we'll call an illicit affair.  Whether or not that actually happens on the lady's end is one thing; however, we're all human so it's rare you'll find a provider who doesn't feel some chemistry with some hobbyists over others.

I think the "friends with benefits" moniker fits the best with a provider that becomes one's ATF.  Both parties at that point realize there's no need for BS or strings attached and respect each other's boundaries in regards to that.