I put this on a different regional board, but I think sometimes providers are afraid to express their opinion in their hometown for fear alienating some clients - so opening this up to the big market:

This question is for the providers, although hobbyists feel free to chime in with your own experience.  
 
If a hobbyist gets a crush on you, are you flattered, annoyed, or both?  
 
I would assume a crush means he gives you lots of complements and becomes a regular (which I am assuming is good).  But, he probably also emails you a lot, telling you how much he likes/loves you, wondering if you are dating anyone or would ever date someone like him, or even if you want to get married?  
 
Has anyone had to deal with the crush before?  What are your feelings about it?  Does it breach the etiquette of good hobbying?!?  What is over the line?

…what happens when a hobbyist and provider find that they have a lot of IRL interests (even philosophical outlooks) in common?  And when they take extended trips together?  No provider or hobbyist can put their best foot forward and "perform" (and No, I'm not referring to in the sack) at the "fantasy level" for say, a week-long getaway.

At a certain point (in any "ongoing" provider/client interaction), both parties inevitably let their hair down a bit--the real people behind the stage names and macho BS start to appear.  When that happens, maybe they're both "ok" and the relationship stays what it was.  Or maybe one or both parties think they've had enough and move on.  Or maybe the hobbyist starts crushing on the provider (I assume the reverse is at least theoretically possible, though far less common).  But by this point, assuming the provider is not continuing to spin a web of BS (which I know is possible), how can we say that the hobbyist is "in love" with a fantasy?  Isn't it possible that he does really "know her"?  Maybe he's seen that young lady at her worst from time to time--with all the makeup off, or perhaps on a day when she was under the weather, or otherwise not on her "A" game.  How different is this from a "real", civvie relationship?

After all, civvie relationships are sort of the same:  Both parties try hard to make good first impressions, dress their best, say nice things about one another, etc.  As the relationship deepens, both parties let more of the rough edges show--it's inevitable.  An ongoing provider/client relationship is going to track similarly; not identically, but similarly.  If the provider (wittingly or unwittingly) blurs the lines between her personal and professional lives with a client, isn't it possible that the client may be crushing on the "real girl" and not the facade of the provider's persona?

ok, I know I'm rambling now..but sometimes it's not necessarily a guy's "fault" if he falls for a provider; and it doesn't necessarily mean that he's fallen for a fantasy--he could easily have fallen for the real person underneath the stage name and the AP lingerie.

I had a guy go overboard a while back. It happened to me when I was new. Some of the responsibility was mine - I could have handled it better - but he was also taking advantage of a naive newbie. We had a great rapport...who knows, I could still be seeing him today if he hadn't lost his head (or I'd given him a gentle coming-down rather than continuing to take his $).  

I'm not really flattered when it happens....it's so common as to be a veritable cliche, and usually has more to do with HIS expectations and vulnerabilities than it does with me.

Most clients are just that - clients! And they're happy to be. The provider/client dynamic can be really great - tons of fun AND mutually beneficial. They get their rocks off (and hopefully mine) and can feel smug knowing that they left me a few hundred closer to paying off my loans (or a mom closer to saving for her kid's college education). But you have to accept that relationship for what it is, and enjoy it for what it is. That takes respect - the girl can't see the guy as an ATM, and the guy has to respect the girl's needs as both an escort and as a woman. Or else one or the other will be resentful and things will deteriorate....

Don't ask her on a free date, or try to win a free (or cheap) honey pot. She's here for a reason...respect that!! And she'll repay you tenfold, if she's any good.  

I had several clients this past summer who seemed to have confused Eros for Christian Mingle. It was terrible for business. They didn't want to pay me. They'd see me once, and ask me on a free date rather than 'schedule' again. Once I professed to be busy, and/or dropped terms like 'scheduling another date'...I never heard from them again (well, I heard from two again...nothing good, tho). Even tho I gave them exactly what I advertised...they found me on Eros, after all. What did they expect?

Guys feel more comfortable pursuing women here...because we already had sex, they feel we have a relationship...

-- Modified on 10/3/2013 6:17:54 PM

all is kept in perspective. My relationships with my regular friends are often mutual crushes to the extent this world allows that. And definitive boundaries are drawn with the white envelope, which is why OTC time is- for me at least- verboten. But you'd be amazed at how deep and genuine a relationship can develop even within these confines we all hopefully respect. I still maintain nearly weekly contact with some friends I met 10 years ago.

When it is in danger of going beyond the boundaries, it is up to each party to put a stop to it or decide how else it is best to proceed. That's where it gets tricky. An astute provider will recognize certain signs of lines being crossed and boundaries being tested, and will be able to graciously put the brakes on such a trajectory.

Lmao this is a classic read...bald eagle and machine gun tattoos ...shaggy sweaters bahahah I LOVE IT

I just try to be nice (period)  

These gals are giving of themselves. They open their homes, they put themselves in a vulnerable physical and emotional place. The lease I can do is throw heaps of praise on the gals.  

nycad

 

Didn't miss a beat!  

I would never be annoyed with a lady that developed feelings.  One of the great things about hobbying is making friends with the ladies...not as hard as you think.

nycad

Life should be a little romantic and anyone so dumb as to miss the point isn't even living. I wouldn't do this if it didn't allow me that liberty.  

Some great, amazingly insightful points were made. I think about 85% of the escorts I've met have been deeply damaged women.  Out of the men I've met, maybe 30% and they all considered themselves "hobbiyists". I take issue with the the term and with anyone who believes its a lifestyle or a hobby.  This is an illegal activity, not a hobby or a realistic lifestyle choice. It's a dirty little secret and a bit of side piece. That's all.  

Feelings develop, you're fucking each other, it happens and it should at some point. I can say that I've never ever ever had a client ask me about my other intimate affairs, except the few who knew when I attempted a relationship... They were my encouragers.. I was always the one pulling the reigns. Surprise!  

Anna Faire xx

Wow. That's a huge percentage. Fortunately that has not been the case for me. I'd say maybe 15-20% of the ladies I've met have been damaged... But that's not too much different from the general population. As a matter of fact, I'd say more of my civvie friends are living lives of self-deception than my escort friends.  

I also don't think of what we do as dirty. That's internalizing the whore stigma which I refuse to do.

F'ck the jeans and shaggy sweaters...I'm goin with the Lumberjack flannel and I'm drinkin, hangin, bullshittin and doin what a HOBBYIST and Provider are  supposed to do...HAVE FUN !!!!!....It's All Fantasy !!!!!!!....LMFAO !!!!.......

Real tongue man... are you a real tongue man in this fantasy is....there belvedere??????

...from what I remember.

.....what else would a realtongue man drink ??!!.....well.... besides nectar of a " rose", Danica !!

I'm interested and I'm sure others are -- what do you mean by damaged?  Please explain cause I'm so interested in understanding what motivates all of us in this hobby

I think you're right about the general population being about the same. Most of my friends are married, in the south and they're all a little bat shit, too!  

It can be difficult to draw the lines, maintain a healthy lifestyle when you're keeping a huge secret from people you know. I was also meaning that being an escort is an illegal activity. I certainly enjoy what I do and anyone who's been in bed with me knows that I can have a lot of fun with the word whore. For me, dirty means fun!  

Anna ... Hoping I didn't offend anyone, I certainly didn't intend to.  

elve when I was gluten free  now im just cheap n fat

The nectar of whitney

my bad....sorry ...I do also like a " Dark" beverage as well as the clear....

-- Modified on 10/4/2013 5:37:44 PM

No offense taken!

I'll agree that in LA they must put something in the water!! Lol!  

But just so you know- being an escort is not illegal. Selling sex is. But both create a necessary mendacity that can place stresses on someone, and we all deal with stress in different ways. It's sad that the whore stigma is so pervasive as to affect quality mental health care: friends who seek out counseling, etc tell me that they are often told that the root of all their problems is their participation in the adult entertainment industry

That affect on women ,yup I do. One lady compaired me to the "red monkey" !  

The story has been told over the centuries, I personally like the johnny depp performance great date movie .

The feeling she can't wait to get her hands around my NECK , and squeeze really hard !