Is it possible in a big city like New York? In places like San Francisco where carnal indulgences are openly celebrated and open relationships are accepted as the norm, is being a faithful lover and assuming your lover is faithful ... a far fetched fantasy?

 I know this is too case by case to generalize. But from the beautiful minds in the TER community, I'd like to know what each individual perspective is. What do you all think?

Xoxo
Alexa

-- Modified on 7/19/2015 10:02:54 AM

you just got to find that rite person thats willing to love you for you..

Hi babe I just think monogamy for a virile man is equivalent to torturing him . I can't imagine putting that kind of a restriction on someone I supposedly Love...

I don't think monogomy to be realistic.  Not even as I standard I can hold myself to.  

Im writing about this topic currently and just wanted to get the opinions of an open minded community.

Thank you both for your input

 
Xo

In my 20’s, I believed in monogamy. I’m from the south, was raised in a somewhat religious environment and was always taught to be monogamous. Being a great student I tried and tried. . . However, now in my 30’s, education, personal experience and observation have changed my views. I think there is a time and place for everything. Periods of monogamy are possible but I believe traditional monogamy is extremely difficult. The idea creates unrealistic expectations; is somewhat immature and a means of control in many ways. The control we truly desire is of ourselves not of others. Our desires, as well as, our insecurities, dreams, etc. belong to us.
I feel honesty, respect, vulnerability and understanding/compassion are what is sought after in the name of monogamy. The proof for me are the successful open relationships to which I'm exposed. Monogamy is emotional not logical. Ultimately, we’re all animals with urges and DNA programming that drive us, even when we’re unaware of the reasons. Denying this is what causes strife in many relationships. Just my personal view.  

We may be studying for the same degree Great luck to you!!!
Xoxo,
Caitlyn

It seems to me that monogamy has been something imposed on women by men for centuries.  Men typically don't like to share but love to indulge.  While men were away, women were left to wear chastity belts. Women have always been kept to higher standards. Now that women have more rights, they are more likely to want monogamy in return.  Does it work? Most of the time it doesn't because people are not honest about what they want and are willing to do. You shouldn't ask for something unless you can truly do the same in return.

that we all need someone; a life-partner that we commit to help care for, trust, communicate honestly with, etc. We benefit greatly from the strength and security that total commitment provides. So many studies clearly show that we have less stress, live longer, stay mentally sharper - so many benefits.

While I also believe that we all need the solace, comfort, joy and ecstasy of physical touch and coupling... I do not think this necessarily needs to come from that one life partner. Yes, in some cases that match is so good that it does; in others not so much. When too far out of balance....

Too many couples ignore intimacy needs and this erodes the sense of open and honest communication, trust and caring between them - the very things that form the strongest elements of their pair bond. I say better to share the physical openly if needed, than to sacrifice the more precious elements of your most important relationship. I see physical sharing as much more likely a way to preserve the essential elements of a "monogamous" relationship than attempting to maintain physical monogamy as well. In fact, I think it can add much to a relationship where the physical intimacy is failing - and believe me, if it is failing for one it is failing for both in some way. Find solutions, not blame?

I say "YES" to monogamy, and "YES" to faithfulness - if we mean by faithful that our trust and commitment to one another remains unbroken, regardless of the means we agree to in order to meet physical needs.

I have met couples of all kinds.. some are able to handle full swapping, some prefer to lie and cheat on their spouses because it's easier. I think these days couples are opening up more to the idea of brining other people in the bedroom and that requires A LOT of communication. I love being with couples and bringing in other women into the bedroom. I have experienced the Swing scene quite heavily when it was new, but decided I do not want it to be a lifestyle. My ideal situation would be to be emotionally monogamous with a man, and for the most part be physically monogamous, but every once in a while I think you need to freshin things uo, which usually means I love having a little play friend into the mix. Maybe a few playfriends...

And after being with so many men as a provider, I'll be looking for a man who hopefully is content with only me. I don't know if I'll find that, but I think I deserve it after learning professionally how to make a man happy. I think it should amount to something very rewarding for me personally in my life. Obviously the men who would be happy In monogamy, are not going to be on TER to answer your question. But I've met many very happy couples in my travels. I think the woman must really love her man tho. Love and inspire him and give him pleasure. When a man views his partner as something magnificent and feels lucky and in love, I think that's when monogamy is working for him. As I've aspired to please men, I've also aspired to be a good and interesting woman, who is going to inspire and be the kind of woman the right man will be more then happy to love and be faithful to

I've more thoughts on this subject.  Instead of demanding monogamy from our partners, we should do our best to satisfy our partner so that person doesn't stray and vice versa. True some people cheat because they want something new but I found most cheat because they don't feel loved.