It's much easier to debate weakness vs. strength from on onlookers point of view. It becomes a philosophical or moral conversation at that point. But when thrust into that situation as an abuser or abusee, physical or psychological, it can be much more than that. Although I have my doubts about the whole forgiveness point of view I do believe a certain level of acceptance can help the abused one deal with it in a healthier manner. For example, trying to figure out what motivates a person to abuse. Striking out or any kind of revenge might supply some instant gratification can also cause future issues for the abused one. Now that that abused child is now an adult, as an adult they have the ultimate power of not accepting such behavior in their lives. The two options available, try to reconcile a violent past and make peace, if this cannot be accomplished simply disengage. Eliminate all communications with the guilty party and try to have the best life you can.

Yes..once again Ms. Saint James hits the proverbial nail on it's proverbial head. "It's a choice."  And to paraphrase a well known British personality, Winston Churchill, Americans will always make the right choice...only after exhausting all other options.

Scenario:

Lets say someone has abused their kids all their lives, physically and emotionally. Extreme cases of each.
One of the abused children harbors all sorts of anger and feels one day they will be in the position to inflict revenge. The child grows up and seemingly becomes healthier realizing the person is sick and cruel and decides to live a different life. They detach .They let most of it go.
Fast forward a few decades.
They are now put in a position as an adult that the abusive parent  once again raises their hands to them. They strike out pretty hard. This time the abuser is old. They hit their adult child. All the old anger comes flooding back. The child knows hitting someone back who is elderly is wrong yet this person is mean cruel and every bit as evil as they once were.
The abuser gets knocked on their ass by a punch thats been waiting for a very long time. Onlookers are divided among those that are secretly cheering and others that are horrified that the person strikes the older one.
Yet the abusee has never done this to anyone else.

Who is right? Is their a right and wrong?

I found the answer to be tough since I find people who abuse their children (or anything weaker then they are) to be reprehensible. Yet the abuser now IS now the weaker one, but still maniacal.  
What do you think NY?

I have heard of abusive parents who retain their abusiveness into old age.  And I know that, with advanced age, dementia can creep in and release things that have been under wraps for a while.  Still I can understand how troubling it must be to lash back physically at someone who is old and, presumably, frail.  So I'd go Biblical and say to those who would criticise, "Judge not lest ye be judged," which is another way of saying you need to walk a mile in another person's Manolos before judging too harshly.  The worst of abusers are horrors until the day they die.  Sadly, the one who strikes the return blow will probably always be haunted by it, understandable though the action may have been.
   Last, I'll disagree that the abuser "now IS the weaker one."  Weaker physically, yes.  But still imbued with the terrible power of their old abusiveness to the child that still exists inside.  As such,  the abuser is still able to do great harm, even though no longer physical harm.
   Sadly, the damage from this incident will be hard to put aside.  I feel for whoever this happened to and hope it was not you. But there's also a silver lining:  the ability to finally rise up and strike back is empowering and, possibly, healing.  It may take time to realize this, but I hope it's true.

The abusee is unequivocally right. Parents, elders, and the weaker of the species deserve respect as a rule. This parent who is now elder and weaker does not deserve the same measure of respect based on their past inhumane actions. In this case, they should have "picked on somebody their own size" and had it coming to them.

I would say while clearly no one wins in this situation, good for the child. I agree with inicky just because parent is older does not mean weaker, they probably still have a terrible pyscological and emotional hold over the adult child. And perhaps in standing up for him or her self now the adult child can free themself of this hold.

or is it an eye for an eye?
The bible can certainly be a confusing reference point.
Very hard situation. I have zero tolerance for elder abuse, child abuse or animal abuse. Every single one of these people or beings are dependent. This old person is pretty much hated across the board. When this happened they screamed obscenities about how the other person deserved the abuse as a child. They also told another family member that they hoped their child would die when they got into an argument with them. I have never met a more despicable person.
Its been an interesting week.

This is good vs. evil.

The abuser became evil when they stuck the parent.

not sure thats the case either. I dont think theres much black and white in the world. I think there are shades of grey that encompass most situations.
Ever see and eye for an eye?
Or  A Time To Kill?
Again I understand your statement, just not sure its so black and white.

It is a gift that you give to yourself. I believe that ,lianna

FUCK THE PAST


probably would make a great fortune cookie for most of us.

I get what your saying. And I myself have forgiven people who others say did not deserve such treatment. I believe it does harm to the person carrying the grudge. Forgiveness is more for you then the person you are forgiving.
But this person is very cruel, and lashed out first striking the person in the face. They have violent tendencies and I guess many felt they had it coming.
Like I said before its so grey. Like I suggested in my original post I am thinking right and wrong might not apply here.

agreed. Your post makes sense. Violence doesnt solve anything for anyone, but self defense is a great empowering tool.

I have known people who have been abused that blame this on their own behavior, milking it for all its worth. Then there are others that would not dream of repeating it.
I dont think we can figure out where this comes from unless it obvious (drinking, drugs, mental defect).
Lets face it, its much easier for some of us to be cruel. Just like its easier for others to be wonderful. We have genetic predispositions but in the end, for most of us, its a choice.

Despite anything that was done in the past, acting out of a sense of revenge is wrong. The way the situation was described, it was wrong in two ways:

- The action of striking an elderly person darkens your soul, regardless of whatever was done in the past.
- By lashing out in anger, the abusee has shown that the abuser still has power over them. Abusive parents who abuse defenseless children get off on the power trip. The abuser continues that power trip when they see that their past actions are still inflicting pain.

The best revenge is to forget that the person exists. That actually came from a Drew Barrymore movie, but it doesn't make it any less true.

You hit me? I'm knocking you on your ass. At the least. Ideally you won't be able to get up.

Nothing wrong with feeling good about it either. It can even be healing.

Too many victims let the abuse perpetuate, they're afraid of confrontation. I believe that in itself is a psychological detriment that needs to be overcome.

Vengeance in your example would have been the "child" throttling the parent. Possibly justifiably. Vengeance has it's cost though. On the other hand, and it's a grey area, retaliation doesn't necessarily imply immediacy. In the end though it is better to precognitively own your actions. I firmly believe that some folks are so reprehensibly maligned that nullification with prejudice is the best answer for all. Whatever it takes to render their negative influence impotent. Legally, morally, sometimes mortally.

It just may be that the abuser finally learned something......that they finally can't bully/abuse their child.

All bullies need to be taken out. It's the only language they understand.

I think each case is personal and Should be judged or Handled on it's own merits. For me it would have to be a time to pay back. Just returning the physical abuse without letting other know the reasons why would be only temporary relief. I believe everyone should be accountable for what they have done. The abused must purge themselves by revealing the abuse no matter how long ago it happened.

Just my feelings.

And like others have said , people will continue to push buttons as long as they can or until the "victim " has had enough. If it brought you personal redemption who cares what others think.

agreed. This post said it all I think.

I have watched movies where the victims fight back...and the audience applauds it. Its quite different to watch in person.
People tend to applaud silently.

To "Turn the other cheek" isn't as straightforward as many believe. In many schools of thought it's interpreted as a willing act of defiance inviting more violence from the aggressor as if to mock them thereby sapping psychological strength.  Turning your cheek is only a gambit leading to a conclusion and it is an extraordinarily provocative act. It's a demonstration of moral fortitude with which to rally others......

There is a certain grace apparent if that becomes your lot. Nevertheless it is an indulgence in the sense one probably has to be removed far and long enough from the negativity in order to reflect and attain such a perspective.

Because no size fits all...each situation involving family dynamics is unique, and no one can predict how we will react in situations where violence occurs.  The fight or flight instincts usually come into play, and the results are unpredictable, and sometimes unfortunate.  Sad, but true..  

I am finding the older I get the less definitive answers I have

Does not always work.

This is a very hard question to answer.

Neither are right.

The abuser was probably abused him/herself as a child and is passing on the virus of violence.  The adult child will regret striking the parent, but will feel some sense of closure I'm sure.

I'm glad I'm not in that situation.

and yet...
if you ask people of different belief systems it will all mean different things to different people.

I agree with your interpretation, although it depends on the cheek that is turned