Martin had just met his girlfriend, when she asked him to go over
to her place for dinner to meet her parents. Not wanting to make
a bad impression, he goes over.
After he has been sitting at the table for a while, he feels an
incredible pain in his stomach and has to let a fart go. Just
then, the family's dog, Fido, walks under the table and his tail
bumps Martin's leg. This kind of scares Martin and he lets a littlefart
go. Suddenly his girlfriends mother yells "Fido!!"..
Martin is relieved "This is great, he thinks, I can fart all I wantand
they'll blame it on the dog!!"
So Martin lets a bigger fart go, sure enough the mother yells at
the dog.. After farting twice Martin feels much better, and decidesif he
lets one more fart go he'll feel a lot better. So he lets
a huge ripping fart go, this time the mother looks furious with
the dog. Martin is finding this pretty funny until the mother
yells, "Fido, get out from under the table before he shits all overyou!!!!!"
What Kind of Farter are You?
Pick the day you were born on (i.e. 5th, 6th etc.) to see what kind of farter you are...
16-SLOVENLY FARTER
Farts refuse to leave underwear, it's nice and damp in there and they can stick around.
1-AMBITIOUS FARTER
Always ready to fart.
17-NERVOUS FARTER
Farts very tight squeaky half farts, keeps the rest for the privacy of his or her own home.
2-LAZY FARTER
Just fizzles
18-MISERABLE FARTER
Can't fart unless he or she is in the privacy of their own home.
3-AMIABLE FARTER
Likes to smell others farts.
19-CONFUSED FARTER
Has such bad breath he or she can't tell where the smell is coming from.
4-SELFISH FARTER
Only enjoys smelling his own farts.
20-GROUCHY FARTER
Swears at his or her farts.
5-CARELESS FARTER
Farts in church, restaurants, and department stores without even an iota of shame.
21-SNEAKY FARTER
Farts, cups the noxious cloud tightly between his or her cheeks, then waits for someone else to get up or make a move to lift cheek.
6-SMART ALEC FARTER
Farts when girls are in the room.
22-DISAPPOINTED FARTER
Their farts don't stink.
7-CLEVER FARTER
Farts and coughs at same time.
23-FRESH GUY FARTER
Turns around in front of you and farts.
8-SCIENTIFIC FARTER
Keeps his or her farts in jars with the dates on them.
24-BIG BULLY FARTER
Farts louder, longer, and smellier than everyone elses.
9-STINGY FARTER
Belches instead of farting to save his butthole.
25-VAIN FARTER
Deeply moved by the smell of farts.
10-FOOLISH FARTER
Farts and laughs, while others cry.
26-CLAIRVOYANT FARTER
Can tell what others have eaten from their farts.
11-SHY FARTER
Can only fart on a deserted Island.
27-WISE FARTER
Farts and say's "Who dropped their guts?"
12-CONCEITED FARTER
Thinks he can fart the loudest.
28-DAMNED MEAN FARTER
Farts in bed and pulls the covers over wife's head (aka the Dutch oven)
13-UNLUCKY FARTER
Tries to fart and soils his underwear.
29-MUSICAL FARTER
Tenor or bass
Clear as a bell
Smells like shit
Sounds like a tuba
14- TIMID FARTER
Is emotionally shaken by the sound of farts.
30-HONEST FARTER
Farts and blames in on others or the dog.
15-BEWILDERED FARTER
Unable to distinguish between their farts and others.
31-LIVELY FARTER
Jumps up in air, toots three times, kicks simultaneously.