A hobbyist finishes himself off with a provider? After reading a few reviews I noticed that this behavior is common.  I have on a couple occasions, while the provider is working on me, grabbed on and finished myself.  I never thought that the provider might be insulted by this behavior until reading it in another persons review.

Is it derived from getting a PSE?
Is it because the provider is not hitting the spot?
Is it because masturbation is such a conditioned behavior prior to orgasm?
Is it a control issue

.... and it's your pleasure to finish yourself off - why should they have any problem with that whatsoever?

I've had providers use various toys on themselves during some sessions. Was I upset or insulted that they did that?  Absolutely not. In fact I loved it that they were comfortable enough with me to dive into their toy boxes and have fun with them.... and invited me to use some of their toys on them.     I've found that the more fun the provider has, the more fun I have.

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own Boy Scout kit with all the essentials. On more than one occasion, the provider has run out of supplies, such as covers, lube, etc. I also include a small "Brand New" vibrator and a magic vibrating ring. This little kit has saved the day more than a couple of times. The providers are not always excited about the toys, but most of the time ... they are. We only use them if there is a mutual desire to do so.  

Also ... I believe the "Hand Held - Porn Star" finish is fairly common ...  

For what it's worth.  

Nutzo

I have not read or am I familiar with the review you are speaking of so no judgements that way one iota. I just know that if it has been a hot and heavy session and whether 1st or second pop, sometimes I , not them, will ask them to do so on me haha, it happens to be something I like. Nothing like watching a man handle himself and also his face as he explodes all over.  However, maybe said provider misunderstood and felt like they could not get the job done so you had to, communication and reassurance that was not the case one bit but part of a happy and pleasurable experience with her being the key component probably would be wise to express to them if there is any question.  Its nice to know as a provider that its all because you were there. However a couple gets to the goal there really are no rules (except safe rules).  A lady also needs to be gently assertive and tell the gentleman what she wants, I'm sure no one would not want to try and provide that for her!  I do not think it is reason 4 at all, could it be reasons 1 through 3? maybe but bottom line is  complete communication between the two- its all good!

I think some guys like to finish that way ... Many must think its a hot visual or it wouldn't be in so many porns.

Personally I like it and watching is a huge turn on.

She needs to grip/choke it to get me to finish. Sometimes when you tell her to do it, for whatever reason she does the opposite happens, she eases off. Then in frustration, I end up doing it myself.

And sometimes that knowledge of just what it is you need at the moment is at least one reason why someone would do this.  Personally, I can masturbate to orgasm faster than an escort can get me to climax but if that was all I was interested in then I wouldn't see escorts.

Well, this is a little personal, but...

For a lot of us, cumming isn't as easy as it sounds.  The myth is that you just rub a guy and he'll cum, but for me, it's kind of a mysterious mix of pace, timing, focus, etc...  Arousal can have sort of a wave pattern to it where "making the move" to take a guy into cumming can be pretty easy near the peak of a wave, and not so easy during the troughs.  After you really get to know a guy, you can use this wave phenomenon pretty deliciously...  Just like surfing, as a wave approaches you can either say "this one" and ride that wave into orgasm, or, you can choose to let it past and see if the next wave is an even bigger one.

My point being that if I am really tired from a lot of playing, or I am stuck in a trough, it's going to be a lot harder to push me over the cliff unless you know me really well...  And in those cases, sometimes it's better just to let me drive.

Also, back to something Jackieblu mentioned in her post...  There is an emotional difference between your woman wantonly extracting the goods from you, and you "imposing" the goods on/in/at her.  I think there's more to this than just imitating porn, or control, I think it's something visceral that's hard to explain that simply.

Very well said!  And the aging process just adds to the mystery.  That's why I tend to prefer more mature ladies.  Just seems like they have a better grip (pun intended) on the matter at hand and have the creative patience to find a solution if there is a problem.

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this is why massage girls doing two handed oil cock massages and bbbj is so hot. The man needs
to FEEL it and condoms just kill the sensation.  For the provider it means nothing

...... it depends on the skill of the operator. Some providers are sensation-al with BJs, condom or not.

But I know it's hard for some guys to cum with a condom. Others like 'em as they prolong the pleasure. Using an extra-thin type might help on the sensation front.

There is a condition called "Delayed Ejaculation Syndrome" ... I have studied it a length on WebMD and The Mayo website. I have it ... not always ... but about 30% of the time. Although some men might think that this condition is awesome ... it's NOT. Imagine "going" for an hour or two in multiple positions, with appropriate rest periods, lubrication, etc. and never quite getting there ... almost, almost, almost ... but not. I am always extremely considerate of my partners well being, because I could literally fuck her brains out.

My question to this forum is: Have any of you been prescribed the 3 - meds. set forth on the Mayo's website for this condition and do they help ???

Is there any other practical advice, from both genders, that can be respectfully submitted ?  

Thank you in advance for your genuine consideration.

Butt Nutz

-- Modified on 2/5/2014 9:09:17 AM

This sounds extremely frustrating- which is bound to contribute to the problem further. As you've probably already learned, there are many psychological & physical causes for this condition.  

My advice to you, for every time- arrange an extended visit with a lady who makes you feel the most comfortable and relaxed on a day (and time of day) when your stress will be at the lowest possible. Sleep well the evening before, maintain a healthy diet, exercise regularly, and if there is a medication involved that could be a contributor perhaps you could take it later in the day on "that" day.  

I truly believe the most important thing to keep in mind is keeping it OFF of your mind and not expecting too much of yourself.  Personally, I do not feel I need to orgasm to feel fulfilled each time...but yes, it is nice. Please don't underestimate the power of the mind; when you can relax and let your expectations go, the results may surprise you. Immerse yourself in the moment, not on the end goal.  

Your doctor can help you sort through the possibilities of the cause, and when that is treated I would sure like to think that the number will be much lower than 30% of the time. Your sexual health is an important part of your well-being, and nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. Please let me add if the rest periods are related to purposely delaying the end, I have seen this backfire. Sometimes holding back multiple times causes this delay, or inability to finish. Your story didn't give this impression to me but I thought it was worth a mention.  

I am unaware of any of the meds used for this treatment, and I would encourage finding and treating the cause first- just one lady's opinion. I wish you the best!!

Peace,

Astrid

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Our brain is our largest sex organ ... Stress related or anxiety related complications are best handled with a relaxing atmosphere. Often times thinking about it is the worst thing to do ... Just relax and focus on how it feels then as you get close you can "focus" on it more (visualization can do wonders).

It is also called it retarded ejaculation. Causes could be one of 3 things.

First physical nerve damage but if you only have it 30% of the time it is most likely not it.

Second is hormonal, there is a blood test for this. There are two types of testosterone, free / weak bonded and strongly bonded. So your total testosterone level could be low or you could have a high ratio of strongly bonded testosterone. Total testosterone naturally goes down with age. Testosterone supplements (Androgen) are usually only covered for prepubescent children with some condition that has hindered their natural development. There are some GNC products that stimulate your own production. I have used AMP and High T Black. If your total testosterone is normal but you have a high ratio of strongly bonded testosterone this usually something to do with SHBG levels being too high which could be any number of conditions. Some of which are not even really an abnormal medical problem for example if you skinny and eat like a horse your thyroid is just generally more active so you have more SHBG. Growth hormone might help again see GNC low T and growth hormone are really big fads right now so there are a ton of products out there. Also there are general things that may help like testosterone is higher in the morning so take advantage of morning wood if you can. Also diet, exercise, stress etc change and effect testosterone levels so take good care of yourself. Also please don't take any advise I give you without consulting a urologist who has seen you and done test.

Third is psychological things like being angry, nervous, self conscience, feeling unattractive or being overly concered about your performance. Which since we don't know each other I can't really tell too much but communication with your partner is the key.

Personally what has worked for me is taking good care of myself with Zone diet and getting exercise. Find a comfortable position that you can go for a long time without being tired. I use the cross or bunny ears. Get out of your head and into the moment. I often delay to give partner multiple orgasms to feel like an awesome lover but if I go too long or if I go to the edge too many times I will not finish. Find someone you can be open with and who is comfortable with you cumming or not. Sometimes it is hard to be with some that feels you are not attracted to them or is insulted if you do it yourself. Don't be afraid to do it yourself and don't be afraid to not cum sometimes. Personally I get so hot sometimes with the frustration and it can trigger a constant state of arousal and the next time I cum even harder. Honestly embracing this is for me the best thing. Like you said you can literally fuck for hours so don't cum every once in a while and give her something she will never forget. Think of yourself as a God amongst men who on average last 3 minutes or so based on the porn vs really life video.

Sorry this response is so long. Also If any medical doctors read this please feel free to correct or add anything I got wrong

So much to say here, as I am sometimes in this same boat...

1.  I agree with kcmn on one point...  for me, I can get close and hold off a few times, but after doing that 3 or 4 times, then getting back there is going to be hard.  This gets back to the "wave" analogy I used before...  If we are doing something and I want to keep going for a bit, I can let a wave or two pass...  or if you are handling me, you can let a couple of waves pass.  But let too many go by and the opportunity may have passed for a while.

2.  For me, intercourse with a condom is already a hard way to get there.  It happens, but not easily/not as often.  If it doesn't happen pretty quickly, then it's just not going to happen that way.  The upside for a gal is that means I can sometimes go 45 minutes plus.  But it also means that once I have gone past 5 to 10 minutes in the condom without cumming, the only way to get me there will be to take the condom off and play.  For a lot of guys, if the goal is for him to reach orgasm from covered intercourse, then it's best to move quickly and try to get him to cum in just a few minutes.  I absolutely *love* "handy work" in the hands of an attentive, engaged partner...  So for me the whole delayed orgasm thing isn't as much of a problem as it is an opportunity.  But I agree with what others have said--it sounds great to be superman by offering an hour-long erection, but it has downsides too.

3.  Butt Nutz--My advice about dealing with it...  Three things:  First, don't let waves pass.  If you feel a "peak" coming on, and you know another one may not come by, communicate this to your partner and grab this one.  Second, experiment around with physical positions.  Sitting, standing, kneeling, on your back, wherever...  In dealing with the delay issue, I find for me, the muscle tension in your legs, pelvis or abdomen can be really, really important.  Find a combination that works for you, and use that as your fallback position if you're having trouble.  For me, I *have* to be in a position with a lot of pelvis or upper leg tension, or it simply aint happening.  Again, the upside is you can go longer if you want by moving out of those positions if you are getting close.  And third, a message for the ladies: for us delayed guys, pace can be soooo important.  If you've moved on from intercourse and have gone to manual/oral play, and your guy is having trouble cumming...  it can be tempting to experiment around with different paces, but for many that will be counter-productive after a while.  Rather than trying to rove around and find the sweet spot, sometimes it's best to just be very, very rhythmic, steady, consistent...  Like tuning an old dial radio, it may take him a couple of minutes to "find" the rhythm you are giving him, then get fixated on it, and then cum from it.  It's easy to get impatient and after a minute or two, change to something else.  Give him time to "lock on" and fixate

O.Z. Two of your three points are spot on.  

Number 1. Yes, I can mentally "surf the waves" ... deliberately delaying ... but after doing so, I can't always get "it" back. Years ago, I had perfected this technique so as to almost always guarantee simultaneous orgasms. As I've grown older I don't have control of the trigger like I once had. One might wonder why ... why would you intentionally delay. When I'm with someone who I genuinely want to please and bring pleasure to ... I can't ... not. It's AUTOMATIC !

Number 3. Specifically the third part about pace ... the last eight lines of your post are EXACTLY accurate. It's like you put words to my thoughts that previously, I hadn't been able to describe. Thank You !

Also, to the OP ... we / I got a little off topic ... Thanks Doc.

-- Modified on 2/7/2014 12:44:38 AM

Go when you can then if you feel like you need to satisfy us, by all means go ahead and use toys and other body parts!

1)  About the whole waves thing - I have learned the hard way how true that can be - tease the little guy too much and he's likely to decide to be difficult
2)  Even with intercourse, finding that rhythm and sticking with it can be essential.