Okay, before I start, there are question that must be answered: yes the tent is down, the dog, cat and I are back in the house – I contribute that factor to: that there is no longer an ask Marie advice column. In fact, I have seen that Marie gal become a split personality Cathy, Cate and Catie are her different personalities so I’m thinking maybe after all, it might have not been a good idea to listen to her? If I would have done the complete opposite of her advice I would not have been living on beans and franks, saving my change to make phone calls and not have been brought into Five-O to be questioned about my gigolo years. I was also went on a short pilgrimage: into the valley of big Dong - Dong in Asia, at crest of climax ridge in the Himgetlaida’s, and into Penetration Cave on the island of Urethra, my vision quest is over; now on to this week in review?
1)Names and handles: Please no more Pam, Mary or Kathy’s – girlfriends I will never remember a common names, where is your creativity? How about food groups, Hi my name is Butter, Jelly, Pepper, Pretzel or how about Stars or Planets – Cetus, Virgo, Bootes or  Mythological names - Nikke, Pandora or Witches names – Liona, Brenna, Tora or Money Names – Lira, Krona, Baiza or even Birds – Dodo, Kingfisher, Flycatcher and my favorite Cock of the Rock! Either way you get the message, live the dream, take the path least travelled, go out on a limb and take it to the limit. Get crazy invent a new name weekly!! Pick a name we will never forget.
2)Jerthebear's question:Age? Well now age is an interesting question; I’m 74 years and the ladies dig me or so they say except one did tell me she thought my birth certificate had expired? They ask me to remove my teeth and put them in glass because they really like this toothless Wonder all over their bodies. Then there is that skin issue, the chicks love to grab a hand-full of loose skin, you know the kind that just lays there in older people – where does it come from? The ladies in the past have said they like to hold me tight to keep me from sliding off the bed while I’m inside of them – my only rule is, no more than a hand-full because what more can you do with more then a hand-full! I have a few more problems but no need to go into those on the board – but 74 going strong, still chasing the ladies around the room in my birthday suit, they dig that too seeing this old boy trying to catch them.
3)Plz Help Identify this actress? Okay what acting school did they attend, I thought I saw her on a show on TV or maybe it was the remake of Star Wars? Now it is coming back to me it was the movie Star Ho’s; since when do we call Porn Stars, actresses? Maybe within the industry or porn star’s mom when someone asks her what her daughter does? Sorry I’m just feeling it is a stretch to call her an actress, now nothing wrong with being a porn star, they have me watching the plot and I only buy the magazines for the articles. In fact, they don’t even have to say a word to suck me in – I guess that is good acting?  
4)Medical help – Yes, once again I stayed at a Holiday Inn last night so Dr. Oz and I can answer any questions or perform small surgeries for board members at discounted rates. Why would anyone feel comfortable asking us knucklehead’s medical advice? I’m sure there are some doctors among our flock but they would say go see your physician. I liken it to someone who splits atoms and goes on Rachel Ray food column and asks her, can you mix protons with neutrons? I myself have numerous problems (see #3) but blood in sperm doesn’t sound good – what would Rachel Ray say – add a little wine?
5)Well this is a weird ad? Get into the game of life, what is “normal” these days just look at BP/CL they all are crazy, the Tin Eye is in action, the writings are funny and sad and all have 100% satisfaction guarantees – now that is weird? By the way who is this Tin Eye guy, what happen to his eye, I think a bronze or golden eye would probably look better – how can you tell which way he is looking?
6)What is up with Ladies Ad Bio’s? – “Graduate Degree” – we are not going to the monthly book club together or talk about the Peace Corps and building a dam in India – I have a degree and that is verification that any idiot can get one. I don’t care that you like “moon lit walks on the beach”, its winter time, how about an Ice Shack? Or, “your favorite place is Morocco”, I just don’t think my Piper Cub has the fuel capacity to make it there and at 74 I may not make it? “I like watching Reality TV” – no we are not going to watch Real Housewives (like that is a cross-section of the average household) or “internationally experience” – code word for; been to Texas.
7)The things that make you crazy – A) 411’s you open up the attached picture with great anticipation of this hot lady and you get scared just looking at it – a nightmare – screaming into the night, B) Board Paranoia – not sure how some of you make it through the day, the law has nothing better to do but to hassle you, since you are a criminal. Don’t worry the MN prisons have the 3 best jail food in the nation and you won’t have to spend your money on sex I heard it is free. C) Don’t PM me, I don’t have VIP – hell I’m sending you 5 PM’s to make you crazy so you buy VIP, D) NCNS or NSNC – it has happen since the beginning of time – this isn’t Wall Street people, we don’t have personal planners and it not like numerous hobbyist have never done it either, it sucks all horned up and out of deposit slips. That is when bad decisions happen when that little head takes over driving the car, you are driving down a one way street and next thing you know your wife is beating you silly with a golf club, - backup plans E) Wrong links - 61.77% of the posters asking questions can’t post a correct link being the idiot I am, next thing I know is I’m on a site reading about rodents? Or, 20 clicks later you made it, F) Why are there Aliases for Aliases – what is the need to pretend from the person you are already pretending to be – yes I’m confused too!!
8)Lasik Eye Surgery – had the surgery and now I see two of everything which is kind of trippy. As some of you know I have seen dead people since the surgery or it could be those drug flashbacks. One good thing is that now I have Clark Kent seeing powers – again that could be my time in-country, age 74 or back to the drug thing.
9)Does the Twin Cities have any providers that do this – yes go take a banana or get a Shemale and shove it forcefully all the way down your throat and let us know how sexy that feels!! I have a good laugh in my own empty head when I read some of these wild requests – it keeps me well grounded and let’s me know I’m not that far off center as some of our guests on this board. I can laugh at myself, have a good time, never disrespect others, explore where I went off the main road, take a trip without ever leaving my desk, but mother of all that is holy there are some very interesting things requested here. Just remember never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway!!

wtf

Glad to see the week in review again, hope you can convince all of Maire's personalities to come out and play at once.  I think that would be an absolute suckfest.

I'll be visiting you soon.