My wife will let me know if I'm infected with anything, right before the axe splits my skull.

I wish she's let me use a condom. I wish she'd shave too.

HMC, at Portland and 6th Street in Mpls, offers confidential, free STD testing.  It is a walk-in clinic, so you can get it done quickly and efficiently.  This is what I use; I make a cash contribution and don't put it on my insurance, since the insurance company usually will send a record to my home.  

Planned Parenthood also offers testing, but there is usually a wait.