Whether you’re dealing with professionals or amateurs, women are at once the simplest - and - the most complicated creatures on the face of the earth. Sometimes you think all they want is a good pounding when really, they’re just looking for a dozen roses and a little romance. Other times you think their angst is so convoluted that there’s no hope of ever untangling the neurotic mess when all that’s really wrong is she’s having her fucking period.
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Regardless, spending my life hanging with ho’s and listening to them talk to each other as if I weren’t even in the room, I’ve grown to understand more and more what a ho really wants - if not in her “man” - at least in a client. Now, I understand that many clients have the mentality that they’re paying for a service and the hour isn’t about what SHE wants - it’s about what HE wants. But still, as you return home after your session, I’d like to think a sensitive guy would prefer a sweet lingering memory to a sour recollection borne of his crass and selfish MO. And to that end, we embark on what will hopefully be a little sage advice from a guy who must leave a good impression when I do a session with one of my clients, as it’s my job to return and collect money from the very girl I just got naked with.

HYGIENE

Cleanliness is an extremely important issue to the great majority of working girls. And we’re not just talking disease here. If I had a dollar for every girl who recounted a story about a client who had skid marks on his underwear - or pills of toilet paper in his butt - or smelly balls - or general body odor - or a myriad of other hygienic turn-offs, I’d be a rich man. “Don”t these guys know how to wipe their asses?” is a complaint I’ve heard numerous times - just for example.

Obviously, you want to be clean, showered, reasonably shaved and wearing fresh clothing before your session. Case in point: I did a session with a girl at a big incall establishment after which I did a quick photo shoot of the girl I’d just seen. After I completed the photos, I went to the phone area where the girls were smiling and giggling.

“What’s up, girls?” I pretended I didn’t realize that they’d just been talking about me.

“Lisa says you DON’T have smelly balls,” was the response implying that most clients who came up there did. That oughtta let you know something right there.

KISSING AND CUNNILINGUS

It may seem contrary but the most intimate and forbidden activity on a working girl’s list is kissing on the mouth. Ridiculous as it may seem, the act of receiving your organ vaginally or orally is much less personal than a simple kiss. Forcing your lips on your escort’s or trying to slip her the tongue is a very disgusting experience from the girl’s point of view. Personally, I NEVER kiss a working girl unless I get some kind of sign that she’s interested in that sort of activity.

Similarly, while some girls will let you eat them out, most consider that another option they’d rather forgo. This may come as somewhat of a shock, but the girls are very concerned where their clients have “been” - moreso than the clients are concerned with where the girls have “been.” Despite the fact that escorts have many more partners than even a very active client, the reality remains: The girls often view their clients as disgusting, dirty and sex-addicted slobs and don’t want their nasty mouths anywhere near that area. So if you love eating pussy, I recommend that you ask first - and bring a dental dam or Saran Wrap to exude the aura of hygiene and cleanliness - even if you’re the skankiest trick on the stroll.

INTERCOURSE/BLOW JOBS

As any seasoned client knows, the term “full service” really refers to fucking and sucking. Anything beyond that costs extra. Running roughshod over a ho, just because you paid for what you want isn’t usually the way to gain the favor of your partner. She’s already jealous that you have a dick and she doesn’t. So don’t flaunt it. Nobody but an idiot likes a show-off or a bully. Accordingly, slow and gentle is the order of the day unless again, the girl gives you some sort of definite signal to the contrary. So don’t bang away, seemingly trying to hurt her with your incredible size. Ditto for face pounding during a blow job…which may make her gag.

ANAL INTERCOURSE

Most girls aren’t into anal intercourse with clients. The few that are charge extra for this activity. Here, you really have to be gentle and considerate. And it also helps if you’re on the small side - for obvious reasons.

MASSAGE

Because you’re paying, it’s the client’s option to request a massage. And that’s fine. Everybody loves a good massage - and that’s why I give one at the beginning of every session. I don’t mean a full blown 20 minutes of really digging in manually. Just a little fondling and manipulation goes a long way toward putting your girl in the mood. It’s just a little token of your esteem and respect for the female spirit and form. It doesn’t matter if you mean it. Remember! You don’t have to love and respect women. You just want to make it look that way.

FINGERPOPPING

I don’t think there’s anything a working girl hates more than a guy who insists on sticking his fingers in her orifices. Again, mostly, the girls think the clients are dirty and that their nasty fingers will give them yeast infections or whatever. Case in point: A madam sent me a girl recently for a discount on an ad. And here was the review when the girl got back. “Oh, he was very gentle and he didn’t try to stick his fingers up me or anything disgusting like that.” So there ya go. She wants to know the next time she can come back.

TIPPING

This one is obvious. These girls are about money…and if you spend enough of it…they’ll fucking marry you. But there’s a fine line between being a generous man and a sucker. Girls have bragged to me about all the money they’ve extracted from “big willies” who think they actually have a place in the escort’s life. And believe me, everybody plays the fool…but some of the guys who’ve forked over tens of thousands of dollars to their favorite escorts definitely wouldn’t want to hear what their whores have to say about them behind their backs. A word to the wise should be sufficient.

RUBBERS AND LUBRICATION

This is kind of an advanced area and one that only a seasoned schmuck like me would know about. But it bears repeating. Working girls have a constant responsibility, one which many of them forget, to be equipped with rubbers and lubrication. But there are different kinds of rubbers and different kinds of lubrication. It doesn’t cost very much to come equipped with this stuff yourself and serves the triple purpose of first, making you appear to be thoughtful and generous, second, making you look like a pro lover and a forced to be reckoned with, and third just plain facilitating the act of intercourse. Often, these girls aren’t that turned on to the clients and hence, don’t lubricate naturally. So if you’re the kind of guy who likes to get busy for the duration, you definitely want to bring some Astro Glide, Wet or at least KY.

So there it is: Follow these simple rules and you may turn a meaningless encounter into “Pretty Woman 2.” Or better yet, become the mack daddy to whom the ho brings her money at the end of the day!