...or at least that's what I've been told by providers in the past -- but yesterday I had the strangest experience I've ever known. I saw a popular travelling provider in Minneapolis and after she told me she was concerned the condom might not be big enough -- she put me inside of her and I realized -- GOOD FUCKING GRIEF, I DON'T THINK I'M TOUCHING THE SIDES! It was like fucking air. I was suddenly reminded of a humping dog. I actually began to panic, I thought I'll never get off like this. What do I do. I didn't pay 300 bucks for a hand job. Thoughts of playing OPERATION came to mind. I tried turning her over -- it was worse. What a horrible fucking experience. Literally. I mean, I've had sex with women who've had kids. It was never this bad. How the hell does someone get like this? Imagine if she was the most beautiful girl in the world and she totally dug you -- but fucking her was like as someone on here once said, "throwing a tennis  ball down a well." I'd kill myself.

sounds like you are below average so maybe some of that cream or an implant might get you back up to average or just below so you can atleast feel something????? I'm sure there is lots of interest in your SMALL problem so let us know?

Ah Man I did not even think he deserved a reply

Would seem pretty obvious the first providers were lying to you because they felt bad for you !!! LOL

-- Modified on 3/30/2006 4:31:22 PM

I think your post might have a point here if there was some bit of acually useful information for the rest of us.  Maybe a review so we know who you are talking about might be helpful info but while you post was entertaining, unless you care to share who you are talking about (preferably in a discreet review), its really just bs to us.

Wouldn't she let you tap her ass? Maybe there was some friction to be found back there...

You really should give us warning lol...I just wasn't ready for that ! WOW

I enjoy the shock factor... If I warned people, I'd never get my jollies - lol!

worked for me in the past. I have a less than ample dick, so I have found that applying spackling compound, in large amounts, to the inside walls of your partner's oriface not only helps greatly to compensate for the size problem, but also increases the friction element. I hope this will be helpful to you in your next encounter with this problem. I believe that Home Depot can solve the problem.

...just like Pavlov's dogs.  Of course, I could have mentioned the woman's name but then the Provider Protector Posse would have been up in arms about me degrading someone, cuz of course how could I possibly be telling the truth when there's a chance if they stick up for the provider they might get a freebee.

And yes, my dick is bigger than yours.

Not going to get you very far with the gals IMHO! And just shows the person you are for hiding behind the alias and say that!!

Half the posts on this message board are pointless. At least mine was entertaining.

And by the way what exactly is a "discreet" review?  Once I put her name and the words "grand canyon" in the same sentence everyone's going to complain that these women need to earn a living too, blah, blah, blah.  Fuck discreet. I just want to know where not to spend my money. But why bother when the Provider Protector Posse will flame you to no end for telling the truth.

...that I remain under an alias.

"not going to get very far with the gals?" What???!! Do you think I walk into a session with a provider announcing my TER Handle? Who would do something like that? Oh, perhaps someone who wants to make sure a provider knows he's going to write sweet nothings about her -- or someone who threatens providers with bad reviews if they don't do what he wants.

I'm neither. Which are you?

Just here to have some fun!

when visiting a lady.  I have nothing to hide from them on the boards.  I have taken strong positions on certain things and if they don't like that, then they can let me know and that's fine.  I do not try to influence them with dangling a positive review for better treatment either.  I think those that I have seen would see through that anyhow.  If will say, however, I think that you (Nighteye) are a complete DUMBASS for the original post.  I hope for the lady's sake that she does not know your moniker because you just won "the tackiest stupid fuk" award!

dumber for having read it.  Whoever started it should admit it, and then beg for forgiveness.  Otherwise, go shoot yourself in the fuckin head.  Unless you're some kid that logged into his dad's TER account.  Then it would be funny....

fortunate you did not fall in and drown. Years ago I heard of a procedure to protect against such an occurrence: strap a 2x4 to your ass to prevent being sucked into the abyss.

He also could put on a pair of water skis.

Wow, I bet the ladies have fun with you. When your first thought is to hope for a violent act, I wonder if the ladies might not want to think twice before seeing you. If they don't do what you ask, who knows what you might do in retalliation. Be careful out there girls, there's frustrated guys like this all over the twin cities.

Scary.

That you even think tack has any bearing on whether or not a provider would fuck for money just proves what a dreamworld you live in. Do you hope to someday "date" a provider too? Cross your fingers and stomp your feet and maybe your wish will come true!

The reality is this: If you walk in the door and are clean and friendly you will get your hours worth.  I know this woman thinks I'm the sweetest guy around too. How do I know? She called me later and asked me to come back before she left town. And not because the sex was so fantastic, but because we had a mutual like outside the hobby. I however, declined. Nicely, I might add.

Does my post make me a bit of a Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde? Maybe. But your response only proves what a self-important, blowhard you are. I'm sure the ladies love spending time with you. Especially in your own mind.

and get over yourself!

...it seems to have fizzled out... Aw shucks!

come on everyone, this was supposed to be a funny post, i think.  you all take everything way too seriously.   this sport is about having fun.  someone makes a goofy post and nobody gets it,  but everyone is quick to slam the author.  the thing is we are all obsessed with the size of our manhood, that's why we pay women for sex, they are kind enough to tell us that our wiener is the biggest and hardest that they've ever seen.  what bulls--t.  my cock, however, is damn huge, and the girls love it.  right now i am seeing a gorgeous dancer, though she is stripping for you all right now,  i know she is thinking about me and my pal and can hardly wait to see us again,

Your right it is supposed to be fun, it seems your having fun in your fantasy land !!  LOL

-- Modified on 4/1/2006 6:24:58 AM

OK, shooting yourself in the head would be a little drastic.  Maybe you should just injure yourself instead - you could beat yourself unconscious with your huge dick.