As a joke, my brother, Old Ranger, used to hang a pair of panty hose over his
fireplace on Christmas Eve. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill
them. Quietly whispering he would show me erotic photos of Paige savage and Halle Moore and immediately blush saying, "these two lovely ladies is all I want for Christmas".
What they say about Santa checking the list twice for naughty and nice, must be true because every
Christmas morning, although OR's kids' stockings overflowed, his poor
pantyhose hung sadly empty, and he would sneek upstairs and gaze at photos of his dream girls in the private of his room......and then go back down bulging pjs, all turned on and drooling, but still disappointed at what he had found.
Last year I decided to make his dream come true. I called some of my special ladies (not sharing with him that i knew many of his idols and could probably make things happen), put on my scarf and sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Walmart you know.
I had to go to an all night adult toys and bookstore downtown, so with sweet Lady Anna and Sammi stone for advice and Velma along for moral support, the adventure began.
If you've never been in an X-rated store, with three absolute hotties, off the clock, don't go, you'll only confuse yourself. I was there flabbergasted saying things like, 'What does this do?'
'You're kidding me!'’ You put that where?’ 'Who would buy that?' 'It is so big'. They all took turns calming me down and trying to keep my stretched out sweatshirt pulled over my pants to cover the obvious bulge. Finally, I made it to the
inflatable doll section, my pants stretched out and several times stained.
I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as
a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane on the way home and be able to still look good after dropping off the ladies and kissing them all good night…..still off the clock!
Finding what I wanted was difficult. 'Love Dolls' come in many different
models, just sit at your computer and peruse the profiles and you will see what I mean. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do
things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry and in reviews by Unmetneeds, Panthe Goat and Baalchaal on the board. I settled for 'Lovable SexyJersey Girl.' (the box said she was retiring soon after many years of being very popular with the boys, so I knew ORanger would be very impressed). She was on the high end of the price scale, but had a great bio and a long list of reviews for extended use and a gorgeous cooking outfit that was very sexy.
To call SexyJersey Girl a 'doll' took a huge leap of imagination she was SO incredibly lifelike.....and absolutely gorgeous and WOW !! the positions and the things she could do ! The ladies had to get her out of my hands and carry her to the counter to check out as I payed the bill once again blushing.
So the plan continued ......On Christmas Eve and with the help of an old bicycle pump and a doubles session, I had set up, with Sammi Stone and Jersey Girl, before she actually retired (on the clock but with a very Christmas special the night before), SexyJersey doll came to life.
My sister-in-law was in on the plan and i had to make something up about my gorgeous elves that were dressed to kill and horney as hell (cuz THEY were on the clock ) but she let us in during the wee morning
hours and went back to bed. Long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling pantyhose with the doll's pliant legs and bottom. Since it was quiet and the company I was with was magical, I dined down below on the ladies and played with some fruit and whipping cream I had found in the frig, to watch them both twinkle and explode. Since it was getting late and very noisy, gasping and moaning, we all went to my home, and cuddled for a couple of hours, laughing between the play.
The next morning Old ranger called me to say that Santa had been to his house
and left a present that had made him VERY happy, but had left the dog very
confused. She would sniff, start to walk away, then come back and sniff some
more. he was very xcited to show her off when the family gathered for brunch.
We all agreed that Jersey 'doll' should remain in her pantyhose display so the rest of the extended
family could admire her when they came over later for the traditional Christmas
dinner.
Our grandmother noticed her the moment she walked in the door. 'What the
hell is that?' she asked.
My brother quickly explained, 'It's a doll.'
'Who would play with something like that?' Granny snapped.
I kept my mouth shut
Where are her clothes?' Granny continued.
'Boy, that turkey sure smells nice, Gran,' OR said, to steer her into the
dining room.
But Granny was relentless. 'Why is her mouth so big and why doesn't she have any teeth?'
Again, I could have answered, but why would I? (It was only just explained to me by Sammi and Velma
at the store just days before, so I thought they could figure it out themselves) And besides, it was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, 'Hang on Granny, hang on!'
Our grandfather, a delightful old man with very poor eyesight, sidled up to me and
said, 'Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?' I told him she was O Ranger's
new girlfriend squeeze and dashed to the kitchen hoping he would follow.
A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Jersey. Not
just talking, but actually flirting and putting his hands all over her (but as true to the real Jersey Girl, she did not mind). It was then that we realized this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home, so we let him be, while he tried to get her out of the pantyhose.
The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who
was dying, and who was doing who in the neighborhood, when suddenly Jersey 'doll' made a robust noise of pleasure, like she popped in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched from the mantel, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran across
the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth-to-mouth
resuscitation to poor shrinking Jersey 'doll'.
O Ranger fell back over his chair laughing and i swear he wet his pants.
Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car.
It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.
Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide
the cause of Jersey doll's collapse. We discovered that she had suffered from
a hot ember to the inside area of her right thigh that had fallen from grandpas cigar while he was trying to mount her.
Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to
perfect health, and let grandpa know that it wasn’t his fault…....
I can't wait for this Christmas. I was told thru the grapevine that Vorlon, who loved last years story, had secretly volunteered to help O Ranger and was searching for a wooden hollowed out dildo for them to put in my stocking, so carefully hung on the mantle, that I may use with the ladies who actually answer my messages, since my injury rendered me unable to function as the ladies might like, We will have to see how it all plays out........but I shall act surprised and so will any of the ladies that I see and actually bring it along as we play.
Merry Christmas to all .............. Holidays with the Hornbodies......... Priceless !!
