Oh, I'd love to be a Portia porch rail.
 That is what I'd truly like to be.
 'Cause if I were a Portia porch rail,
 Portia would be sitting on me.
 
Oh, I'm glad I'm not a Portia porch rail.
 That is what I'd never want to be.
 Cause if I were a Portia porch rail.
 There would soon be nothing left in me