What I mean to say is, I miss the crisp heightened sensual awareness of a brand new experience. I don't necessarily miss the "good ole days".
I miss my own beginning this journey.
I miss those butterflies in my belly when I was going out on a new outcall. I miss setting up my brand new incall spot, just imagining what a new client would think. I miss the learning, the exploring, the curiosity. I miss my own insecurity thinking about what I would do if he simply doesn't like me. (it never happened) I miss those crinkling nervous moments that came before he rang the doorbell, or buzzed up, those crackling electric seconds before that first kiss.
Newness of experience. I sometimes wish I wasn't such a seasoned cynic.
Anybody else? I've learned to label and catagorize every inquiry. I've come to expect certain behaviours from anyone who contacts me. Darn!!
Anybody else remember their FIRST TIME? Or first couple times. And then driving home realizing the whole experience was way greater than you'd even expected.
I miss that little bit of fear, expectation, longing, and then...... the relief upon the hug, that led to an out and out make out session, that led to two people experiencing life in their own way, after one or two hours, with huge smiles on their faces realizing.....
Anybody else? It's not the past I want, it's just I wish I could go back and start all over again. I would do the exact same thing. Man would I.