I was recently reading a review on Shelby and came across this quote in the juicy bits, "I cannot imagine she will be in the business long before someone scoops her up permanently."  And it makes me wonder... how often do you think providers hook up permanently (on a marriage or actual relationship basis) with a hobbyist that they see regularly or have seen in the past?  That means that this particular hobbyist no longer pays them for companionship.

Now I am not considering trying to hook up with a provider in this fashion, and even if "they" wanted to (which I don't think any would, I know how the game works... its all about the fantasy, and there really isn't any real attachment beyond associative friendships developed) I doubt that I would allow it.

Anyone have any thoughts on how often this actually develops into anything other than a sugar daddy relationship?  Any love stories or sappy romantic successes to tell about?

There was a post on the national board a week ago or so from a guy who'd married a provider and was happy.  A number of us have had extended relationships with providers, but I'm not aware of anyone "scooping up" a provider in a non-sugar-daddy situation.

Reality:  particularly in this segment of the business, providers are providers because they want to be providers -- not because they have to be doing it.  Virtually all of them could have husbands or boyfriends if that's what they wanted.  They've made a choice.  It's unlikely someone's going to change their minds.

Thanks for the quick reply.  Again, its probably something I wouldn't allow to happen.  I wouldn't want to "change" or "save" any of these girls anyways.  I got over that aspect of my personality awhile ago.  Now, for a real girlfriend, I want something more mutual and real.  And I can't honestly say that I'd feel ok about a girlfriend providing, and I wouldn't feel right asking them to give up their job for me, unless we'd met outside of her job (at a club or bar, dating service, supermarket, etc.)

But I used to hang out at strip clubs ALOT back in college, and have probably dropped 30 grand over 12 years at various clubs across the country (mostly DeJa Vu franchises.)  I ran into the problem of getting a crush on one of the dancers.

I've never had the money or financial situation, and probably never will, to be able to afford being a sugar daddy either, although THAT particular type of relationship I could probably go for.  But I learned the hard way how the game is played, and won't let myself fall into the same trap again.

But I keep hearing from guys how they date dancers and providers that they meet either at the strip club or while meeting them for a session, and hooking up for months or years.  Even marrying them.  And often, these guys have a worse financial situation than I do.  So, I'm curious.  What is the ratio of lies to truths in these stories, and how come I haven't ever been able to successfully hook up with a stripper or provider?

Funny question I know, since I said above that even were the opportunity to present itself, I'd probably turn it down,  but it really boggles my mind sometimes, you know?

The key to hooking up is not trying too hard.  Be interesting, be alive, be fun, be different.  Have a life.  Let her know that you're the party.  If she wants to come, she can.  But never run after her.

if you let your fantasies rule your thinking you WILL try too hard and the loser will ALWAYS be the guy.  You may even lose the privilege of seeing them in the biz again.  I don't think the providers are looking to hook up with guys who appear to "have a life" but I do think they enjoy their "work" with that type of guy much more than those who are emotional disaster areas just looking for a place to crash and burn.  I think the truly successful and popular providers generally really like "getting down to business" in their sessions, but we have to remember that they approach the arrangement much differently than Mr. Money Pockets does.  They know what side their bread is buttered on, but they also know enough not to spoil a good thing by letting their emotions get away from them.  These are smart ladies and that is why we like them so much.   Besides, what provider would want to settle down with a guy who has made a life of spending lots of money on lots of providers?

Yes, be interesting, be alive, be fun, be different.  But do it so you and your ATF can have a better time together in the biz.

-- Modified on 10/6/2005 1:50:51 PM

Speaking for myself.  If I was ever looking for a long term love affiar, I'd want to meet him as a civi.  

I doubt many could handle sharing their girl.  He'd worry about me constantly, try to control me (which I doubt would be successful) and jealousy would probably be a problem.

For those who do make it successful, they are truly an exception to the rule.  The only relationships I've seen of hobbyists being with escorts were disasters.  What I have seen are chumps being taken for a ride til the well ran dry.  Yes, I haven't seen the ones that fade into the happy ending in life.  I've only heard from those calling me for emotional support.    

Just my take.... take it as you will.

Personally I know of three that are currently happy.. one more that I suspect is getting taken for a ride.  But I would agree that if the majority of escorts take on relationships it is slated for disaster.  I think the above happy ones are exceptions to the rule.

I know of another that is currently divorcing after two years.. some providers need their wings to be FREE...

Happy dreamin when you meet your dream girl..

I really think this is an interesting topic, and I’d love to add my .02 as well.

I’ve been close enough to a couple “hobbyists” over the years to have these kinds of thoughts run through my mind.  

In one specific situation, I really was in love with a man I only saw for about a week out of each month because he lived in a different state.  For whatever a love like that is worth, right?  We talked on the phone daily and had conversations that included depth like I’d always wanted…always dreamed of.  He wasn’t handsome, and he wasn’t “built,” and he loved me.  We had unbelievably similar interests and values and education …although he’d gone quite a bit further than I.

When I met him, he was deeply unhappy in a marriage, (okay, no groans here) and I was left with the impression that he was on his way out the door before he ever met me.  Suffice it to say that after quite the heartbreak on my part (maybe his, too) I finally decided that this whole other woman thing wasn’t going to work for me.  I kept hearing the words “I’ll leave as soon as I [fill In the blank]” and I explained I couldn’t live that way.  Months later, when I had met a man I was considering getting serious with, I actually called Mr. Married, to see if he had left yet--I realized I had been waiting for him to leave, but didn’t want it to be because of me.  I asked him if he was still with her, he said yes, and I ended the conversation and moved on.

For what it’s worth, I would have had no problem leaving the biz for a chance to try 24/7 with this man.  I genuinely thought he was everything I’d ever wanted…minus the home-wrecking-whore label I would have earned for myself.

In a way, I’m not sure this is much different from civilian life.  You meet a lot of people of the opposite sex, you’re attracted to many of them, yet most of them you just don’t see yourself with.  But every now and then, someone moves you like you’ve never been moved.  And just like civilian life, one person is able to give more than the other person is, and someone needs to move on.

I’m never sure I believe humans are so unique.  We’re all looking to feel loved and accepted and truly seen, for all the good the bad, and the ugly facets that make us who we are.  I guess I don’t know for sure, but I really believe that if you find something that looks like it’s an opportunity for that brand of love and acceptance that‘s so impossible to find, you’re not going to pass it up just because of how you met.  At least I wouldn’t.

~Taylor

-- Modified on 9/2/2004 8:16:52 AM

Wow, awesome takes everyone!

From some of the advice, ("don't chase them, let them chase you" being the key one,) I've determined that getting the "girl", or provider in this case, is up to her.  You show you are too "messed-up" or "desparate" and that is as much a turn-off as anything else might be.  But if you are truly in the hobby for the "right" (are there any?) reasons, or are at least happy with yourself and have a real life, just no time, inclination, or prospects (either because of your personal choices/situation or lack of actual women or means to meat women to choose from) then a provider might find herself genuinely attracted to you.

Lets face it, sex, specifically and especially for women, can be a very emotional, passionate and psyche connecting experience.  You can't, no matter how hard you try, bottle all that up and keep it down.  Sometimes that passion will lock onto another person.  The only thing holding you apart is the stigma of the fact he just paid the lady for sex.

I agree, if love or whatever lust and chemistry makes us believe is love, hits me upside the head, I probably wouldn't bypass it.  I've had few enough chances and experiences with love in life, to let something that "might" be good get away.  But at the same time, I am DEFINITELY not looking for love from the hobby.  I know the game, and I refuse to be a chump or a schill.

But that doesn't mean I can't fantasize that one day a lady as gorgeous as most providers are will decide that I'm too good to pass up, and will ask me to overlook her job while we try a relationship.  At first, I would not ask her to give up her job.  And as I have a "swinger", and non-jealous mind-set, I can honestly say that knowing she is having sex with other men is not an issue to me.  But I'm not sure I'd be ok with her escorting after marriage, should that unlikely and improbable event ever happen.  That doesn't mean we couldn't "swing" while married though.

In any case, thanks for all the well-thought out responses, and I'm so glad to hear some thoughts and real experiences from the ladies as well.


-- Modified on 9/2/2004 8:40:49 AM

I’m guessing just like any other relationship it take work maybe more. But this is what I could see happing to me my honey would come home after a hard day and I would give her a big hug squeeze her but gently start nibbling on her neck and whisper that I was horny and she would say NOT YOU TO

-- Modified on 10/6/2005 1:56:45 PM