Actually the thought of it turns me on (maybe it would have been different when I was younger). I would want her to share the deatails with me.
This is obviously a spinoff of Sxychic's great thread below, but I think a little more thought-provoking and perhaps closer to home and more personal. The latter-mentioned would be particularly relevant to those without daughters. I'm still a little miffed at the numb-nuts guy who openly stated in this forum roughly 2 years ago that he liked fu*king escorts, but he would never marry one.
In addition to the double-life that some of us must lead in the "vanilla" world. The stakes are doubled if we are providers, and must hide it from our significant others or be without significant others who may be of like mind with the numb-nuts mentioned above.
Hey!!!! This isn't intended to raise suspicion at home guys. ~Devilish Grin~ As always I'll accept alias' from the hypocrital who identify with the "numb-nuts" out there. We're still WAY behind other cultures in the sex arena.
To have an S/O who is a provider is one thing, a choice you can make.
To discover your S/O is a provider is a serious problem, as would be any other broken trust.
I agree with the broken trust. I also believe that it is extremely rare that a couple enters the bounds of holy matrimony with the expressed knowledge or malice of forethought that they'd be "unfaithful". I have read many times on this and the GD board, statements that said in essence....if wifey found out, the marriage would be over. Why is that? Why does the marriage have to be over? You went out and go laid for whatever the reason. I'd rather have fun with it. If you were my husband, and you saw escorts behind my back.......you are not a cheater....you'd be an INFIDEL. LOLOLOLOLOLOL You must pay! So why not in a good way?
Fidelity is part of the deal in marriage, unless the couple agrees otherwise. And often those "open marriages" are nothing more than one party (the woman, typically) agreeing just to salvage things somehow.
It's tough to overcome our gut feelings and reactions and I suspect that precious few out there are emotionally AND intellectually strong enough to maintain a HEALTHY relationship after something like this, or even after emotional infidelity for that matter.
If you can have fun with it, I'm impressed - and you're a better man, oops, person than I. Fortunately, I'm neither married nor in a relationship so it's not an issue.
I should have left out the numb-nuts reference(s). Still it is a viable discussion topic. Yes? I remember the funnies that 1Terrapin1 used to write. He said that some of my threads forced him to out himself to his wife, and live in a tent. Ahhhh the good ole days when discussion was healthy and not adversarial.
Now Cate admit it you like being a little bit adversarial. It is certainly why I look forward to seeing a new post by you. It really doesn't hurt to have to think about these things a little. bigdell
Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome (1985)
Got word that I often don't make any sense.
I guess this one is only clear if you know that the "wheel" has many possible outcomes; most are harsh but one at least has the possibility of another chance (Auntie's Choice).
What an excellent reply!!
And by that I mean at what point in the relationship I found out and how did I find out. If it came out relatively early in the relationship and she told me herself then I think I can handle that. But the longer things go on without my knowing then the more likely it is that I will view it as a breach of trust. I don't know exactly where that line is and probably wouldn't know unless I ended up in that situation.
It does depend?
1) If a long time s/o had entered the hobby after being in a long term exclusive relationship I'd be asking why? Financial needs? Maybe I'm not taking care of her emotional or physical needs and she is seeking satisfaction elsewhere - maybe i need to man up, figure it out and get in gear.
2) If the relationship is fairly new and seems to be headed in good directions for both than it might be tough for a guy that's not in the hobby to understand. Yep, it's a trust thing and better to know sooner than later. If it's ok to both parties great. If it's a problem for a guy than better to move on before deep attachments develop.
3) I've been with a number of providers that I'd love to date for the sake of developing a non-professional relationship and to see if something long term might be possible. Maybe I'm off base but I have the impression that most if not all you unattached lovely gals would prefer to meet that special someone outside of this business.
A while back I began seeing a provider. Really hit it off the first couple sessions. Had lunch and drinks socially on a number of occasions. I attempted tirelessly to arrange non-professional outings - but there were always reasons the timing wouldn't work. She encouraged me to keep trying cause she really wanted to spend time together. We had great sessions together, some of the best I've ever experienced. Call me a slow learner but after quite some time I came to realize she really had no intent or interest to allow me to persue her outside the hobby.
So with all that said, I'd like to turn the question around a bit and ask you gals - would you ever consider a client potential dating/relationship material?
Well-written good thoughts you've conveyed.
Turning the question around as you suggest to see if a provider would consider a client potential dating/relationship material does happen with mixed results. Doing so has emitted varying responses and results with the vast majority against. It breaks unwritten business etiquette and often ends in train wrecks. Still it is a good topic of conversation, and very worthy of a separate thread. I fear that much like this one; there would be many who exercised the right to remain silent. So many intangible variables that include those who feign the notion in attempt for freebies or WAY too much OTC action. It happens as you've suggested happened to you as well. I'm getting off the topic.
I believe that the subject you've (we've) mentioned crosses imbedded moral boundaries. Didn't we have dumb president who declared: "I didn't have sex with that woman."? His successor never did find those pesky WMDs. LOL Two dummies! One who got a blowjob on the job (interesting scenario don'tcha think), and most of the country forgave him. The other a dummy who's legacy will take years to figure out. Sorry for the brief political tirade.
In address to the first response to the thread.......it too is well-written, but I think it shows some of the same rationalization that the guy who "didn't have sex with that woman" attempted. About 20 years ago, I had a husband who routinely stayed out very late. I suspected, so the next morning I asked him if he had had sex the last night. (I was a little more graphic and not as polite in asking) He vehemently denied it, and actually acted hurt that I asked. Years later he came clean saying that he didn't have sex that night, but he did the next morning because it was after midnight when he did. He'll never know then but had he came clean at the time, it may have opened up a whole new world. If only he knew me now. Don't try this at home........lol.......methinks that I should stop here.
I've gone around the block with this one, and tried it every which way but loose, really...
I've waited until it gets serious to drop the bomb (in one instance, my SO almost hyperventilated, he was so shocked and upset). Once he settled down and got his breath back and pulse down, he said that he'd still like to stay together.
Didn't work...he couldn't handle the fact that I lied to him, and was "sleeping with other men", being unfaithful.
I've tried not telling them at all...
didn't work for me.
Tried to tell them at the onset of the relationship, before things got serious. Nada-then they don't take me seriously, and are way too curious about the sexual aspect of things.
So, Cate, 'finding out' that your SO is a provider is too much to handle for most men..... Most men.
That's been my experience, anyway. Good question, though.
In addition to the double-life that some of us must lead in the "vanilla" world. The stakes are doubled if we are providers, and must hide it from our significant others or be without significant others who may be of like mind with the numb-nuts mentioned above.
Hey!!!! This isn't intended to raise suspicion at home guys. ~Devilish Grin~ As always I'll accept alias' from the hypocrital who identify with the "numb-nuts" out there. We're still WAY behind other cultures in the sex arena.
Actually the thought of it turns me on (maybe it would have been different when I was younger). I would want her to share the deatails with me.
...that for cash, she's dolling out more service than I am getting at home!
Now, this might not sit well with the ladies of the group but my instinct tells me that in this situation, the wife/girlfriend might be an all out porn star experience for the right kind of compensation and a dud at home.
I would like to think that her professional skills would be available to the old man, but for the most part, I doubt she would go home to her "true love" and rock his world.
I am confident there are one or two participants on this board that would be the exception though.
-- Modified on 11/1/2011 9:23:40 AM
In fact, we'd have to do some doubles together! LOL .
That brings to mind this joke:
Do you know why a bride is always smiling as she walks down the ailse?
No more blow jobs.
So what you mean is as soon as the woman says " I DO' you find out they don't like giving them. That will suck in one way.
Theoretically, anyway, is if the start of my relationship with her was as a client and, for some strange reason, we developed a personal romantic and sexual relationship. To be honest, however, I doubt I would go along even under those circumstances and I'd become a possessive pain in the ass.
That reminds me: Alantra, you're not to see anyone else anymore. I insist you spend your days awaiting my arrival. I don't want to share you. 
I've had limited experience in the hobby (afraid I'd get addicted - hahaha), but the couple of women that I've seen are very nice, intelligent, and very sexual....and it's just a great experience - once you get past the awkwardness that is. The truth is that men are complete hypocritical in this area. I have found providers to be some of the most open and honest people I've come across and if there is a connection that reaches s/o level, then any guy who has experienced hobbying should be the first to understand why she's a provider and the person that is your s/o. The rest is just noise. If she truley enjoys what she does, who she is spending time with, and she is safe, why should it matter? I suppose you really never know until you're in the situation, but I just don't get what the hang up is really. I admire the pusuit of being independent and doing what you really enjoy doing and living independently. I think that's pretty admirable actually. If your hiding something from your s/o then you have some choices to make.....hiding stuff always ends up in a trainwreck.
At first I think I would be shocked...but then I think the inner Beavis in me would force me to say: "Cooool"