I am new to this and have looked over this sight carefully and thouroughly to enhance the pursuit of what I consider "a hobby".  From what I have seen, some "gentleman" that post here regularly call this a hobby, however it appears it is more of a habit, addiction or lifestyle.  I mean, there are guys that post a response to every thread on here because they are on this site all day and seem to see a provider two to three times per month.  

I am just curious as to whether or not these fellas realize that they have a serious problem.  Now I can easily afford to see 8 or 10 providers a month if I wanted to, but why?  I can just imagine some of the answers this will produce, but I have a feeling most of them feel they are doing a great service by keeping the providers in business, which I guess is true.  

I don't want to sart a big bruhah here and like I said, I see my fair share of gals found on this site, but really guys, really,....It is not normal to pay a chick for sex more than a couple times per year, if that can be considerd normal.  Just ask yourself, is this something you would tell your family and all your friends about.  I wouldn't, they would think I'm crazy.

One of the principles of the treatment of addictive behavior, at least as I understand it, is that only the addict can make the judgment as to whether he/she is addicted.  Making a determination that someone else has a serious problem -- particularly on the basis of the number of posts on a screen -- or saying that paying for sex more than twice a year isn't "normal" is risky business.  Let me ask this:  have you been hurt by others' behavior here?

One man's ceiling is another man's floor.  

My respectful advice:  you keep your side of the street clean, and I'll keep my side of the street clean.

Most people would tell you it's not normal to EVER pay a chick for sex.

What would you say to them?

-- Modified on 10/5/2005 11:16:13 AM

What to you is the cutoff for the number of times per year someone can indulge in the hobby (or whatever you prefer to call it) before it becomes abnormal?  Why do you think whatever number you pick is valid for anyone besides yourself?  The reasons for any of us to see as many or as few providers as we do is driven by a large combination of factors, including the state of one's own life, economic factors, and personal predilections, that we all have different motivations for our behavior.  No, I don't tell family or friends about this but that has nothing to do with the number of times I have seen providers (other than it being more than zero).

-- Modified on 10/20/2004 6:01:10 PM

Re:Well, how else are you supposed to get it??? (EOM)

The idea in the beginning was incredible! Pretty soon, you get to a point where some of the providers begin to act like the girls you can't get a date with.
Today's women are getting harder to understand all the time. They want who they want, and that's it! You can have a job, home, automobile, cash, and still they have no interest!
My reason for going to the escorts has been I just wanted to have sex without going through that whole "getting to know each other" friend stage, that you never leave because, "she doesn't see you that way"! Damn, if I had a nickel for everytime I heard that cliche, I'd be wealthier than Bill Gates and Trump put together!

So let me get this straight...  You want to posit the theory that paying chicks for sex is abhorrent behavior.  You want to advance this argument by using language that is decidedly judgemental, implying your own level of participation is the arbitrary pivot point between what is normal and what isn't.  You've chosen the bastion of this behavior as the forum in which to propose this theory.

Oh, and one more thing "I don't want to sart [sic] a big bruhah here."

Huh?  You're either not being honest with us, or much worse, you're not being honest with yourself.

here's my take - a remember years ago wondering if I was addicted to coke.  i read up on it, and saw quite a few qualifiers - any one of which could hint at an addiction problem:

1. interferes with enjoyment of life
2. ruins/destroys human relationships
3. destructive to family
4. impairs career and personal development
5. destroys finances/quality of life
6. sacrifices "human needs" - shelter, socialization, food, etc

So my take is that it isn't a question of frequency or cost, but one of impact to a person's life.  Personally, I believe in moderation - which is largely culturally defined.  I take these words to heart:

1. the mean between the extremes is desirable and good
2. do unto others as you would have them do onto you
3. judge not lest ye be judged...
4. variety is the spice of life
5. all things in moderation, but don't forget to live it up
6. honesty really isn't always the best policy

as for that coke problem - it was a problem, a bad habit, but not yet an addiction....

What I find interesting is what is your reasoning for posting this question?

Like many other things, whether something is addictive or not is often determined by whether it has become obsessive and is controlling your life.  There are many people who can gamble casually and it is not addiction.  On the otherside there are many who have a gambling addiction.

This same argument can be seen for alcohol, tobacco, drugs and yes, this hobby.  I am sure there may be a few cases of where this hobby has become an addiction, but in the majority of situations I dont think it is controlling our lives.

You also go on to say that it is not normal to pay for a chick for sex more than a couple of times per year.  This seems like a moral judgement more than a definition of an addiction?  If someone goes to every Twins baseball game have an addition to baseball or could it be they just enjoy the game.  If that is not addiction then you must be making a moral judgement in which case I would say who are you to make that judgement.  If you argue that seeing a hobbiest is irresponsible to your commitment to a spouse or significan other then I would argue just seeing a provider once would make you guilty.  In many other cases, I know for a fact that because a gentleman has found an outlet for his sexual desires, their relationship at home has remained solid.

Finally if you are looking to make a legal judgement then what the hell we are all guilty.  You can steal from the drug store only once and say that you are so innocent.

Just my 2 cents.
Damm - I think I must be addictive to expressing my opinion!!

Papastevie

devils advocate here.. what must you think of providers that can f&*k two three four clients in a day?  Humm are they in an addiction too?  What about them being able to accept money for companionship? Seems like your post really has more to do with guilt and moralizing than true addiction.  I agree with WEBSLAVEDUDE post about analizing the problems it causes in your life to know if it truely is interferring with the quality.

In my experience it has greatly enhanced some men's lives to where they are able to deal with day to day life on a better level than if they had to suffer with never getting their needs met.

Posters maybe have a bit more freedom with being able to have a work situation that they can post.. some guy's don't have that freedom because of prying eyes or work related security.. so it may seem excessive but it is their life.. glad to have you start a discussion even if it get's your @ss kicked alittle.. lol... keep contributing.. always good to hear from a new person

I don't think anyone is claiming to be the moral "pivot point" in this discussion if you read the original note carefully.  To tell you the truth, I think my level of participation, (aprroximately 2 visits per year) is wrong, at least in my case.  Being the blue blooded liberal I am, I am certainly not judging anyone here.   If you see a provider once a week and it doesn't affect anyone's moral, physical, financial or family well being, then more power to you brother!

-- Modified on 10/21/2004 10:22:36 AM

Very interesting, intelligent and thought provoking responses, especially yours Booty.  Some seem very defensive, some seem very straight forward.  Again, I want to emphasize that I am not judging anyone here.  I often wonder if I do in fact have a problem that leads me to see providers and that was source of curiosity if anyone else thinks what I do. No, it hasn't affected my life negatively in any way but it sure the hell would if my significant other found out.  There has not been a time in the 7 or 8 encounters that I have had that when she walked out the door, I said to myself "Damn, that just wasn't the right thing to do".  Now I know many of you will respond that I need this or need that, but I am not looking for advice. There are professionals for that.  Again, I just want to know if 10 seconds after she, (or you) walks out the door, do you ever have regrets.

I am not much into hobby, but do try to enjoy it once in a while. There have been instances when I have thought, that why did I do this and I shouldnt have done it. I thought this may be because of various combinations of following reasons:

1. I am an average+ (not the average of the income of various hobbyst here but average income of the outside world) earning guy and going to provider does effect my finances.

2. I also think what others would say if they had seen me with her. Discretion is not only important with SO (that I dont have) but also with many other people you know.

3. I feel that when you pay to meet somebody, that emotional feeling is not there (or may be I have not met the correct lady by now), and have felt many times that it would have been much better if that time was spent with somebody that I was in love with (but I dont have one right now).

4. And ofcourse when the lady is not upto what you had expected.

Crazydoc, are you reading the same post I am?

"I am just curious as to whether or not these fellas realize that they have a serious problem."

Nope, no judgement being passed there.  He does not word this in a way that implied he'd consider himself a member of the "troubled group."

"Now I can easily afford to see 8 or 10 providers a month if I wanted to, but why?"

In other words, "my motivations for seeing gals as often as I do are understandable, but why on earth would anyone do it more often than that?"

"It is not normal to pay a chick for sex more than a couple times per year, if that can be considerd normal."

Or in other words, "I'm not sure I could make the case that my behavior is normal...  But even if I could, anyone who's behavior surpasses mine wouldn't be included in that justification."

People often use public discourse as a means of meeting their own subconscious needs for self-approval.  I submit that convincing himslef that his own behavior pattern is the normal baseline IS the motivation behind the post.  In any other forum, participation in the hobby, while light, would still be condemned as immoral.  Rather, he has chosen to post this theory in the one and only forum where his "lighter than average" participation will position himself as the "least guilty among other sinners."

I've only had regrets when the lady was not as advertised.