Okay so it's been a boring Friday evening....... home alone..... client had to cancel..... oh well.  Lots of time to think.


Was thinking about the constant controversy on this board.  At first I was thinking that it's silly for people to always be contradictory......... but then again,.... that's what makes the world go round.  It would be an awfully boring world if we all agreed on everything all the time, or were just complacent about it.  So....... carry on.... state your opinions.... but try to accept the fact that YOUR opinion is not the only way to see things.  We can agree to disagree.

Wives.......  this subject stirred up some controversy earlier.  It made me think again about something I've always wondered about.  I have a hard time understanding why wives can't let their man go and get what he needs elsewhere, if they are reluctant to provide it.  Why not just let the man get what he needs/wants....... and feel relief that she doesn't have to if she doesn't want to?  If they understood the role of a provider..... and knew that the detachment of it all keeps them safe, maybe they'd say..... "Hey, go for it Honey"?  I think there are many many relationships/marriages out there that are really just fine, maybe even excellent, except for the imbalance in libido.  So why not just let needs be met in a non committal way, and continue on and be happy.  There is something to be said for a "don't ask -- don't tell" relationship.

And on the subject of wives....... (Do I dare go there AGAIN????)  LOL.........   I've had some guys come up with some very creative excuses to get out of the house, or just away.  One of the more memorable ones was a client who would drop his wife off at the local casino to play Bingo, while he came over and scored BINGO with me!  Keeping both ladies happy....... now how can you say that's demeaning?    What's been your most creative excuse?


So.........  Kelsey Grammar is on Leno... talking about how he finds answers to problems/questions he has by just opening a book, (any book will do but he uses the bible), and with eyes closed points his finger at a place on the page.  When you open your eyes the answer will be there..... honest!  Try it!  It's cool!


Okay...... time to shut up before I really get myself in trouble!  



-- Modified on 12/4/2009 8:49:58 PM

Wow, my wife would never go for that.  I prefer the "don't ask -- don't tell" philosophy.  If asked I have a meeting with a client, a marketing consultant, or a business friend.  This is not really too far from the truth.

That most wives would not go for that.  but what if????  What fear is it that keeps wives from feeling threatened by this?  I suppose they feel threatened.  But if they KNEW.... that this is just physical......... or can the physical NOT be separated from the emotional in this?.

Ugh........ sorry...... rum induced philosophical mood this evening.


And who is that female vocalist on Conan right now?  Diane somebody?  She's great!

This is a great idea. But why can't it work both ways? If guys with an SO should be allowed to go out and have fun, why can't the woman with an SO do the same?

This from a guy.

If she says it's ok for the guy to get what he needs elsewhere, then she should be able to do the same.

It should work both ways......... but it seems an ego related emotion...... jealousy......... enters into the equation, most often.

I guess I'm going to have to go to bed with my cold and impersonable silver bullet.  Oh well....... better than nothing?  Good night.

can not always be completely separated in a good GFE session?  I know my wife would not see any separation.  She may not want it much anymore, but she'd never give me permission to play with you.  If only it were that simple.

Because you love her. More than life itself.

I do not come here much. I come here to thank God I have found someone in my life which I do not have to search.

Get off your high horse.

I swear to God, I hope you all find something I already found. Imagine loving someone so much that you never have to think the thoughts posted.

Then... and only then... Will life matter.

I am not here to judge. That isn't my job.

Don't dare think for a second you justify your bullshit actions because you are too scared to find what you want.

Ever.

Regarding the comment that says the wife should be given the freedom to go elsewhere as well, I suppose that would be OK, but it's not like she doesn't have the opportunity at home, at least in my case.  My wife has a willing/eager partner here at home (me), while I do not.  

One thing not mentioned in the responses to Kat's question is the issue of the $$$$.  I think that would be my wife's biggest issue with me seeing a provider.  Plus there's also some of the "I don't want him, but you can't have him" mindset as well.

With my wife the whole concept of logic and reasonable thought process went out the window long ago.  Is it reasonable for a middle-aged husband with a physically healthy wife to be content in a marriage with no sex?  All I'm asking for is what was there when we got married.  It was part of the deal, I haven't changed.

I asked her the other day again about seeing a marriage counselor (mind you this whole sex/marriage/etc discussion topic has been beaten to a long, slow death at our house).  Her first response was "why don't you go by yourself?".  When I continued to press her as to why she wouldn't go, all I could get was "Because I don't want to" before she walked away slamming the door.

As far as best excuses, I would say going to play poker or gambling would be the best.

The contradictory nature of things is not limited to this board. It's pretty much spread evenly across the country. Disagreement is inevitable, and can be productive, if it's done with civility. Being "disagreeable" is another story all together. We unfortunately seem to have an over-abundance of people who can't handle the frustrations in their private lives, and this place is an outlet, where they can "get away with" the things they would never dream of saying to anyone's face. What they say is not necessarily their true opoinions, but simply a means of getting the attention that they so desprately crave. If we respond in the negative manner that they are searching for, their mission is accomplished, their blood pressure drops, and they seem to be good for another day. Put in simpler terms, no matter where you go, there are always more horse's asses than there are horses.

On wives...everyone has there own story. It just happens that mine can no longer have sex, and I can. She's all done, and I can accept that, nobody's fault, just the way it is. Does she know about my activities? I believe that she does, but it's nothing that we would ever discuss. Nuff said!

Excuses...I don't really use them, as I don't play very often, and save my playtime for when I'm travelling. I don't need to make excuses, although on occasion, I have been known to "invent" a business trip when it's been a little too long.

Let me get this straight. You come to a fuck site to thank God for the love of your life??? You might want to stop in the confessional on your way out.

There is no such thing as "love". It is only the fear of being alone, or feeling lonely to the point of needing another person around. Love is the want of not living your life alone, growing old alone. Marriage is an outdated form of passing on wealth and possessions.

Love and marriage are either so outdated and/or not real as to be put in the category of antiquated traditions.

b-

"The only two "emotions" that DO exist are Love and Fear".  See "A Course in Miracles"  All other so called emotions are based on these two things.

But that is exactly what you are doing with your post.

Very similar situation. I did tell my spouse and I wish I didn't. She didn't really object to my having sex outside of the marriage but she was very hurt (maybe just her own disappointment that it had come to this). I told her about a year and a half ago and we now have a strict, Don't Ask/Don't Tell policy. I think that it did release a lot of tension in our marriage when I looked elsewhere and our relationship has improved over all. In twenty plus years of marriage, I have never cheated until I saw a provider three years ago; it was the best decision I've ever made. I'm definitely broke, but happier. Many good new friends/lovers that I stay in touch with beyond the appts. I love my spouse and would love to have sex/intimacy with her again.

I am not judging. That isn't my job. But condoning cheating on your spouse to make a buck is a pretty fucking shitty thing to do, and you all should be ashamed of yourselves if you follow it. How would you feel if your wife hired a male escort and fucked the shit out of him while you were away for $300? Better yet, how would you feel if she was posting on an escort forum? If you don't care, than I feel sorry for you.

This isn't judging. And I have never posted here before. But that post fired me up to say something.

Oh, and PS: I guarantee you some people are not here because they want "Services". It's a public forum about breaking the law. Wisen up.

"With my wife the whole concept of logic and reasonable thought process went out the window long ago.  Is it reasonable for a middle-aged husband with a physically healthy wife to be content in a marriage with no sex?  All I'm asking for is what was there when we got married.  It was part of the deal, I haven't changed."

Here is what I would do. Tell your wife about your feelings? If you have tell her that she has two options before you leave and find someone else because the spark isn't there.

You met her before and you didn't have to pay her. Or if she is a gold digger she isn't any better than a hooker anyway and she is in it for the free ride (Without the ride.. ha pun)

You will know in about 3 weeks.

You sell yourself for sex. You calling me a wingnut is a compliment.

I love my married, single, divorced, and swinger clients However, if I was married and my husband wanted to see a provider I'd have no problem saying no. I may be a hypocrite because I see no issue seeing married men, but I would never "allow" my spouse to have a sexual relationship with another woman.

I also wouldn't have a problem shoving divorce papers in his face if I caught him with another woman.

Lovingly honest,
Anya

cuz I'm making brisket on Christmas day!

Hey Utnlover,

Maybe it would help this thread if you convey to the rest of us how your husband reacted when you busted him a few years back.  

What excuses did he give you?

Thanks

MSF

"I am not judging. That isn't my job. But condoning cheating on your spouse to make a buck is a pretty fucking shitty thing to do, and you all should be ashamed of yourselves if you follow it. How would you feel if your wife hired a male escort and fucked the shit out of him while you were away for $300? Better yet, how would you feel if she was posting on an escort forum? If you don't care, than I feel sorry for you.

This isn't judging. And I have never posted here before. But that post fired me up to say something."

What a load of crap.  You are passing judgment on everyone here; just because you deny it doesn't make it so.  Furthermore, you are lumping everyone into the same boat when the reality is everybody's situation is different and you don't know the specifics.

It's great that your personal life is in such a wonderful state.  But why then are you hanging out here?  And while you may have never posted here before, you are obviously pretty familiar with the "hobby" which makes me wonder if you are not an ex-hobbyist.

"Oh, and PS: I guarantee you some people are not here because they want "Services". It's a public forum about breaking the law. Wisen up."

Really?  Wow!  Who knew?!

Yes this is a public forum, but I'd be interested to know how YOU wound up finding THIS particular public forum.  And WHY hang around here when you feel the way you do about the subject of this board?  Do you honestly think you might "reform" someone?

you have save me!  I will go forward and hobby no more.

The course/book you mentioned was written by a woman. I have long held the belief that women made up "love" way way way way back to keep the hunter/protector around and providing for herself and children. I think women are bound to have the love feeling more than men because of genetic programming of the mother.

I disagree that love is a real and valid emotion. I will agree that fear is one, though. I would argue that love is based on the fear of being alone, feeling unsafe, and of the unknown. When you "love" someone, you can use that other person as a support to face the unknown, to use as a barrier against the world to feel safe, and to have a companion so as to not be alone.

Without those fears and insecurities in our lives, love is nothing but a lust for another person's body. A sexual urge. Then once you have that, you keep that person around because it is easier (human nature to do what is easy whenever possible) to keep fulfilling your sexual urges with that person then to find another one.

b-

you have made yourself a submissive, sinner, liar, cheater and a moron all in one simple post.

"Because you love her. More than life itself."

To do this would not allow you to be true to yourself or GOD.

"I do not come here much. [I come here to thank God] I have found someone in my life which I do not have to search."

So your search for God does not happen often, since you come here to find him.  Then you are not in God's favor at all are you?  If you come HERE to FIND God then child you are lost!

"[I swear to God], I hope you all find something I already found. Imagine loving someone so much that you never have to think the thoughts posted."

Has anyone ever told you that using God's name in vain is a SIN?  If we find what you have already found, does that mean you are here to offer to share yours, or are you here to pimp yours out and make money?  If I loved someone so much, I would think about the things posted here a LOT, because that person I loved would be in those thoughts!

"Then... and only then... Will life matter."

So you are saying that only the ONE you love matters in life and makes it worth living?

IF that one is God, I feel bad for your family.  If that ONE is your SO I feel bad for your children, mother, father and any siblings, not to mention friends and God!  Sadly, if you live life for others, again you are being untrue to yourself.

"I am not here to judge. That isn't my job."

Only true statement in your post!  You can not judge without stating fact against those being judged.  In a court of law, at heavens gate and the court of public opinion.  It is NOT your job, unless you are a judge or jury, God him/herself and/or appointed representative for the entire public opinion.

"Don't dare think for a second you justify your bullshit actions because you are too scared to find what you want."

Not sure if this is directed at the general populous of the board or specifically directed at the OP since your very first statement was directed at a male unless you are advocating gay gender since your response was "Because you love her." and the OP is a lady and for her to be in love with another lady would in fact make her gay.  So this last statement jumbles up your entire post, just so you know why I used the last word in describing what you have made yourself out to look like.

So, since I have to guess I will make the last part multiple choice.

If yur statement was in direct contrast of the rest of this post and directed at the OP, how do you know she is not in search of what she wants and has decided to look here?  Albeit not my first suggested choice of places to look, I am quite sure both men and women have found that special someone in a place EXACTLY like THIS!  How does looking for one night stands in a bar make your search any different for that special someone or through an internet dating site like friend finder, match.com.  You honestly don't believe that some of those people are not in it to find money or get nice gifts and dinner in exchange for some late night extra curiculars do you?

So all this babble makes me wonder if you are thinking that ever man woman and child on earth is meant to grow up and become a nun, priest...oh wait that don't mean they will be celibate does it?  What is your point to that last statement, I think you have everyone confused by it!

Oh wait, I think I got it now, you think people come here because they fear LE or finding that somoen special.  Geeesh that sound kind of backwards.  I would think people have more to FEAR from actually coming here since it is against the law both morrally and legally.  Nope I don't have it, because you just don't make any sense.  Sorry...I tried real hard to get your point, but the lines are so conveluded.  Could you please please PLEASE share some FACTS to support your views so we can all understand your position!

Let me give you some FACTS to support my points.  My SO fucked me regularly because she knew it made me a happier person and a better father.  Before she left she asked how I would fill this void when she was gone since I did NOT feel like turning my kids lives upside down more that it was already going to be at the loss of their mother.  My special someone after discussing my wishes SUGGESTED I find a discreet way of getting some that would keep me well oiled and happy.  By discreet she did not mean secrative as my kids all know about my involvement in the hobby, she meant don't bring it home and  parade it around in front of them. I don't hide it from by boss, wait thats me and trust me, I know for fact that a great number of my business clientelle partake in the hobby so I am not going to put them on the spot any more than they might do to me.  So I had my special person and life threw us a curveball and it didn't last a lifetime, the search may start up again when the kids are on their own living life.  As for God, he/she does have the right to judge me later, I am ok with that as for the court of public opinion, fuck them all, they don't walk in my shoes and have nothing to offer me in achieving my goals of being the best father I can to my kids.

Now for the reality, since this a a board of fantasy, you have no clue as to whether a damn thing I or anyone has said here is fact or fiction do you.  We all might be cilibate old men and women wishing we could live out all these fantasies we read about here on this site!

Damn, lighten up and go get some somewhere!

Isn't the imagination a great thing, we can all share gossip and stories just for shits and giggles and to entertain those that rome these boards, even those like you that don't get here very often! Ha ha ha, I love a good laugh!

Utnlover ([U]ntil[t]onight[n]ympho lover)  

You don't fool us, your name tells it all, would love to read your reviews!

Ok sorry everyone, I am drunk and was just having some fun!  Thank GOD for spell check!

PS. Can someone please tell my wife that I spent here salon money on the "girl next door" and my kids that I am spending all their college money on their cute and horny classmates!

Gotta run, the beer cooler is empty and the hard stuff is upstairs!

Great thread. Thanks for getting it started.  For some of us (me), we spend more time internalizing so many of these thoughts and feelings than acting on them (hence my handle).  I fall into the "don't ask don't tell" camp and have a spouse who has lost interest and/or feels she  physically can't have the physical relationship we used to.  "What is 'love'" discussion is a huge and I'm glad to see the various thoughts on this. I kinda get everyone's position and really apprecaite Anya's 2-cents even though it's a little unexpected.  I hope the online symposium on the subject continues in this or anothe thread.

still believe in fairy tale romance - that you meet the spouse of your dreams, your one true love and live happily ever after.  When you get into your 50's and 60's, it will start to make more sense.  

Its my guess that if you stay in this business long enough you will likely end up like 80% of providers who actually despise their clients because they are cheating on their wives.  (someone did a poll a few years back but I don't recall where I read that).

Utn I rarely post, but STFU.  You may actually have half a valid point here or there, but it lost in your holier than thou bullshit rhetoric.  In this case I think thou doth protest too much.  So when your wife has a few drinks before you hoist yourself on her, or you do before you have to perform your weekly husbandly duty, it's necessary to lah out at others to make your sad life look better by comparison.  Do the world and stop judging others, and if you can't, at least keep it to yourself.
I thought you were an idiot until you opened your mouth, now I know you are.

And I stayed married to a jerk for 2o years!
He nearly killed me!

I don't despise my clients for "cheating" -
THEY are the reason I am in business!  

about what you day about love.  Then what about the love we feel for our children who we support until they are old enough to leave the nest? What about the love we feel for friends that do not live with us? It is a valid emotion. I see very elderly couples that I know their life history. Both were independent and worldly for their jobs and had no problems living alone or if they wanted , changing partners and being with someone else. Now, after 60 yrs. of marriage, you can tell, that its pure love. Do I not doubt that both of them may of stepped out for a little fun and variety over those 60 yrs? because of their positions and openess at a time it was REALLY unacceptable, the answer would still be yes, but they DO love each other.  Just my humble opinion, thats all. xxxoo J.

I was speaking of the respect and love we have for other people no matter who they are, as is addressed in "A Course in Miracles".  If you are familiar with Wayne Dyer or Deepak Chopra or other such authors/motivational speakers then you understand what I am saying.  Too long and involved to get into here, but if you think about it, all emotions either derive from a place of love, or a place of fear.  IE:.. Jealousy is a fear based emotion.  Happiness is a love based emotion.  

Yeah, okay........  I'm a long lost flower child.