Curious of the legalities of nude massage in Minneapolis. I mean, obviously extracurriculars aren't exactly legal, but is the simple act of getting a massage from a naked provider illegal?  If the LE busts in are you screwed?

"send lawyers guns and money.."

Let's just say you probably get busted and then have to hire a lawyer to convince a judge there wasn't any violation of the very broad state statute defining prostitution.
It's not just the act of sexual penetration. It includes intimate touching and a lot of things that seem pretty innocent.

https://www.revisor.mn.gov/statutes/?id=609.321

https://www.revisor.mn.gov/statutes/?id=609.34

"Chuck" formerly in the Sexton building (back in the days before they converted it to lofts) build his whole greasy empire on that loophole... Guys had to "self-pleasure" but the girl could be naked and hand him a paper towel when he was done... I used to have a rather powerful "jizz-shot" back in my youth and I'd at least try to get some on the girls tits... Now days I'm lucky if I can cum hard enough to reach my own man-boobs if I jack off while standing on my head! Hahaha!

286.90. Client logs shall be kept. A log of each person that has received  
massage services at the licensed premises shall be kept for one (1) year and be made  
available upon request by any city officer. The logs shall include the name of individual  
service provider, the name of the client, the date and time of service.
 
286.100. Unlawful acts. It shall be unlawful for:

(b) Any person in a massage and bodywork establishment to place his or her  
hands upon, or to touch with any part of his or her body, or to fondle in any manner, the  
genital area of any other person, or breasts of any female person, whether or not the  
area is clothed.  

(c) Any person in a massage and bodywork establishment to expose her female  
breasts, his or her genital area or any portion thereof to any other person, or to expose  
the genital area or any portion thereof of any other person.  
 
(d) Any person, while in the presence of any other person in a massage and  
bodywork establishment, to fail to conceal with a fully opaque covering the genital area  
of his or her body or her female breasts

Haha I almost want to see that ... Almost

But funny

All I can find are drafts of the ordinance online.

The ordinance appears to have been approved at the City Council's December 2013 session:

http://www.journalmpls.com/news/city-hall-update/city-council-passes-measures-to-fight-sex-trafficking-of-youth

No indication if the ordinance went into effect immediately upon passage, or if it becomes effective on some later date, though.

END OF MESSAGE

Ordinance goes in to effect July 1, 2014.  So yes, even if no touching and the provider is nude  = ILLEGAL.