My son bought his girl friend he has been dating for a few months to meet the family last weekend. Imagine my surprise to find she was a provider that I have seen several times, including 2 weeks ago. Talk about uncomfortable. Not a word was said about the situation, but how do I go about talking to her about this without opening a can of worms?

Well, first off, do you intend to keep seeing her?

-- Modified on 11/21/2008 7:29:47 AM

I should think an e-mail or phone call to see if she is willing to discuss the situation.  But, I see the bigger issue is what will happen if your son were to know her background and if he finds out your involvement with her.  Best to talk with her sooner than later I should think.

of stuffing?

So who will baste the Turkey & stuff it? Father or son?

I assume your son doesn't know she's a provider?

-- Modified on 11/21/2008 9:12:10 AM

Thankfully it's early in their relationship.  

Unless she's willing to quit this business, I'd insist she break it off gracefully and go your seperate ways.

I'm sure she's got family unknowing of her business.  Suggest she put herself in your shoes.

Hmmmm, who will blackmail whom first!!  Girlfriend black mail daddy threatning to tell son that daddy sees escorts and cheats on mommy? Or Daddy blackmail girlfriend for freebies or he'll tell son his girlfriend is an escort? Hmmmmm.  Not that I think like that!!

Re: So who will baste the Turkey & stuff it? Father or son?

Lmao!  Damit Fuzzy,  where do you find such appropriate pics?

How much is she charging the son?

But seriously, I would suggest not seeing her again of course.   I would in fact break off all contact with the woman because if your son found out your relationship, it would probably cause much damage.

I'm a visitor from the Boston Board, as our Mod posted a link to this conversation.

I must say I am surprised by the prudishness of the question and a few of the responses.  Since you use escorts, you surely don't think there is anything wrong with what she does for a living do you?  Hopefully you also don't think that she has no right to have a normal relationship or to ever interact socially with ordinary people.  So why were you uncomfortable?  

What if you didn't know she was a provider?  At dinner did she seem kind, fun to be with, a good person?  Do she and your son share interests and outlook?

Maybe she is just doing this temporarily to finish a degree or save money for a new business venture.  Maybe she really loves your son and foresees a long relationship with him.  What's wrong with that?  Do you find her somehow damaged or untouchable?  Do you think that the other escorts you see don't have boyfriends or husbands, that they don't celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas?

The only thing you might hope she does, if they are moving toward a serious commitment, like living together or marriage, is to be honest with him, at some point, about her work and how she keeps work and personal life separate.  Then it's their mutual decision about whether to stay together.  But how serious is their relationship? When is the right time?  You don't and can't know this.

It is not always necessary to be totally honest at all times in relationships, as you know, since unless I am mistaken, you have not been.  However, it is best to not hurt others unnecessarily.

Unfortunately, without blowing your own cover, there is little you can or should do.  If you could control yourself from being judgmental, you might book an hour of her time just to talk. Pay her (of course) and ask about if and when she plans to be honest with your son as you don't want him to get hurt. But you need to emphasize that you don't think she is unfit for your son merely because of her time as an escort. Think carefully of all the ways this conversation could go very wrong and how you would respond if it did.  She could out you herself, in the course of being honest.  It is probably better to do nothing and let them work it out.


filmat11






-- Modified on 11/21/2008 9:37:45 AM

...you & your son can get a 2 for 1 thanksgiving special. it would make for an iteresting tag team.....

-- Modified on 11/21/2008 9:35:03 AM

He's getting it for free, while the "old man" is paying. What does that do for the ego?

What makes you think your son doesn't know her work and is ok with it?

Your situation takes the cake.

There's a whole NEW "can of worms", LMFAO!

-- Modified on 11/21/2008 12:11:06 PM

That would mean this Christams he'll be buying your gift with YOUR money

-- Modified on 11/21/2008 7:21:49 PM

...and delete her number from your phone!

I wouldn't do any more. What she does for a living is between them. As long as you have no further contact with her, there's no foul, in my opinion. Any contact from this point on only raises questions and complicates the situation.

I'd just let it be and let nature take its course.

yup,agree 100%. stay out of it, they,ll work it out or it'll run its coarse. you don't say if she requignized you, either way, if she approches you to discuss it,okay, but i wouldn't bring it up.

Freudian slip??

=)

If you consider this is hobby then there is no problem. In a hobby you meet a lot of people with the same interest.

If you try to puritanical beliefs on sex and whether having sex is right or wrong, with whom to have sex and not, then there would be problem.

My personal view is there is nothing one can do about anything one didn't know anything about.

My belief is that sex and love is not the same just like religion and God are not the same. One can believe in God and not believe in any religion. Likewise, one can have sex with someone without loving them. I am sure, all of us have our share of it.

Does she offer a 'friends and family' discount?

Always look for the silver lining...

Not meaning to be harsh here, but "without opening a can of worms?" WTF?

You HAVE TO talk with her to clear the air. Either let her know you are ok with it, or not.

Personally, even though I come from a conservative back ground, I would not have a a problem with her. Given the problems in my marriage, I have actually thought some of the nice ladies I have met would be nice ladies for my son to meet.

My only rule for her would be: She has to stop escorting once they are engaged. That's about as double standard as I would get.

Maybe they did it both having full knowledge of what they were doing just to get a kick out of watching 'Dad' squirm!

I think a little chat with her would be in order, to find out among other things if he knows what else she does.  The other thing I would tell her is that you won't be seeing her any longer.  I think it should be pretty obvious to her why.

Business is Business and Personal is Personal. Discuss the situation like adults. I'm sure she felt just as uncomfortable as you did. Then the next move is up to her.