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Minnesota

Re: So...
Derpdydoo 78 Reviews 2063 reads
posted
1 / 20
A question for all here..

What are your thoughts on this as a response to an unsolicited email from a provider regarding an creating an ongoing arrangement.  Does my response seem inappropriate, angry, passive-aggressive, none of the above, all of the above, or something else?

(Any Identifying information has been removed)..  
---
Appreciate the email.

I can't see how this arrangement would work with a provider. I wouldn't be a priority, I'd be the steerage bulk rate or the standby passenger at the airport hoping for a spare seat.

The other difference between a pro and an am looking for a SD is the attitude. A pro is a full p4p, the money is expected. The am's I've dealt with are usually only seeing one guy at a time and are EXTREMELY appreciative when they get some green or a gift.

That's the general thoughts on the matter.

My personal thoughts on the matter, and although I'll try to not get too "personal". I had enough of a hard time just scheduling an appointment with you (that never happened, mind you) when you were starting (redacted).  I spent two months trying to set something up, then got over it.

If you do happen to set something up with one or a couple, I hope it works for the both of you.

Derp

jgoodman222 14 Reviews 1264 reads
posted
2 / 20
So...

I am understanding correctly that she is seeking an ongoing relationship with someone she has not met?

Are you certain it is a non-psycho provider?

I am not going to evaluate the psychology of your missive, but I would probably do a little word smithing to  make it a little more tactful.  e.g. The last sentence is at best spurious and at worse a smart aleck putdown.  A better close is thank you for thinking of me and best of luck finding an opportunity that suits you,

Derpdydoo 78 Reviews 1092 reads
posted
3 / 20
Re: So...

Posted By: Uptonogood11
I am understanding correctly that she is seeking an ongoing relationship with someone she has not met?
Unless she had me confused with someone else, yes.  
Posted By: Uptonogood11

 Are you certain it is a non-psycho provider?
That could be a matter of opinion.  
Posted By: Uptonogood11

 I am not going to evaluate the psychology of your missive, but I would probably do a little word smithing to  make it a little more tactful.  e.g. The last sentence is at best spurious and at worse a smart aleck putdown.  A better close is thank you for thinking of me and best of luck finding an opportunity that suits you,
I "guess" I can kind of see that.  But, I address my general concerns of that type of arrangement right off in the letter.  How many forum posts have we seen of something similar here?  Never a good idea to pay now, receive later.  So it was meant sincere.  She wasn't my gig, but hoped it worked for her AND the other individuals.

Anyhow, thanks for the critique.

But.. Does it sound, angry or bitter in any way

minn4evr 42 Reviews 842 reads
posted
4 / 20
It depends what you are trying to accomplish

As I read it, your general thoughts explain why you are not interested in pursuing a sugar daddy relationship with a provider, any provider; because you believe the money would be her only motivation, while an amateur would be motivated by something more or different. Depending how she views her profession, she might find that judgment harsh, but not personal.  

Your personal thoughts give the reason why you have no interest in pursuing anything at all with this specific provider; because you feel her treatment of you in the past was unprofessional. It appears, by adding this second part, you want to make clear that her own misbehavior has cost her an opportunity.  

So the question is, do you simply want to decline her offer, or do you want make it sting a little, in addition. To phrase it differently, do you feel it is appropriate to offer criticism in addition to rejection. If you answer that Yes, then your message accomplishes its purpose. Maybe you feel she can learn something from your feedback. Maybe you are bitter. Either way, you get it done.  

If all you want is to politely decline, then the second part seems unnecessary.

Derpdydoo 78 Reviews 964 reads
posted
5 / 20
It's probably Minnesota Nice speaking.

Posted By: minn4evr
As I read it, your general thoughts explain why you are not interested in pursuing a sugar daddy relationship with a provider, any provider; because you believe the money would be her only motivation, while an amateur would be motivated by something more or different. Depending how she views her profession, she might find that judgment harsh, but not personal.  
   
 Your personal thoughts give the reason why you have no interest in pursuing anything at all with this specific provider; because you feel her treatment of you in the past was unprofessional. It appears, by adding this second part, you want to make clear that her own misbehavior has cost her an opportunity.  
   
 So the question is, do you simply want to decline her offer, or do you want make it sting a little, in addition. To phrase it differently, do you feel it is appropriate to offer criticism in addition to rejection. If you answer that Yes, then your message accomplishes its purpose. Maybe you feel she can learn something from your feedback. Maybe you are bitter. Either way, you get it done.  
   
 If all you want is to politely decline, then the second part seems unnecessary.
If anything I think the first part is the harsh part.  Kind of clumps all the providers as people unworthy of trust.  Based on the previous two responses, I'm beginning to think it's a product of "Minnesota Nice".  That I wouldn't really mean my reply sincerely or constructively that I have some hidden meaning to my words.  

When I'm being sarcastic, it ought to be plenty apparent

mnjohnny247 19 Reviews 988 reads
posted
6 / 20
Re: It's probably Minnesota Nice speaking.

Posted By: Derpdydoo
 
 When I'm being sarcastic, it ought to be plenty apparent.    
 
I don't think your response to the provider was bitter or mean.  We all have our own style of writing, mine is different than yours, but there was no bitterness or anger apparent to me.
And I agree with you, after reading your posts on this board for quite some time, it is VERY apparent when you're being sarcastic...lol

Something else; I have gotten 2 responses from providers interesting in discussing a SD/sb relationship with me as a result on my posting on your thread.  Kind of "wtf" moments, since this is not what I'm looking for and I had never met the girls, so I have had to write a couple of thanks but no thanks notes myself.

Derpdydoo 78 Reviews 796 reads
posted
7 / 20
Re: It's probably Minnesota Nice speaking.

Posted By: mnjohnny247
Posted By: Derpdydoo
 
  When I'm being sarcastic, it ought to be plenty apparent.    
 
   
 I don't think your response to the provider was bitter or mean.  We all have our own style of writing, mine is different than yours, but there was no bitterness or anger apparent to me.  
 And I agree with you, after reading your posts on this board for quite some time, it is VERY apparent when you're being sarcastic...lol  
   
 
You know.. I had to remind myself of that too from reading this.

If I was bitter or angry.. There wouldn't be anything hidden or passive agressive in it.  I would have been rather blunt about it.

minn4evr 42 Reviews 860 reads
posted
8 / 20
Re: It's probably Minnesota Nice speaking.

I agree the first part is harsh. I said so. But it's impersonal. And I specifically acknowledged you might view the second part as constructive criticism she could learn from. You asked if the message seemed 'inappropriate, angry, passive-aggressive.' If you didn't want an answer, why ask the question? If you only wanted answers from your buddies, why address it to 'all here'? If you only wanted applause, you should have said so. Name calling when you don't like an answer you asked for is kind of silly.  

I've done a lot of writing and editing and I'll stand by my response as a useful analysis that would help you decide how to proceed if you read it with an open mind.  

Your sarcasm is very apparent, but since no one accused you of sarcasm, what's your point?

Derpdydoo 78 Reviews 956 reads
posted
9 / 20
Re: It's probably Minnesota Nice speaking.

Posted By: minn4evr

 Your sarcasm is very apparent, but since no one accused you of sarcasm, what's your point?
Uptonogood11

   
 The last sentence is at best spurious and at worse a smart aleck putdown.  
smart aleck putdown wouldn't be considered an accusation of sarcasm?

Wasn't looking for validation or the cheering committee.  Actually, just the opposite.  I was trying to be as neutral as possible even used padded language with the "appreciate the email" or "not trying to be too personal" and even the salutation was meant to pad it.  

I was looking for critique, because I walk with blinders on when it comes to the typical PC, everyone is looking for something to be offensive, or the what is this person "really" saying under all that.

Maybe I should have just stuck with my initial thought of a reply, which would have just been LOL.

vorlon 119 Reviews 1051 reads
posted
10 / 20
It strikes me as unnecessarily harsh

Politely declining the offer accomplishes the same thing without burning any bridges in case things are different down the road.  But perhaps it is important to you to explain your exact line of reasoning to her.

Goodintentions 980 reads
posted
11 / 20
While I don't claim to know

Much about the sugar world and really don't spend much time on the boards reading every topic
I'm sure most people don't, so I may have missed the many discussions on it. Could it be that the provider was  
Thinking it might work best with a provider since she would be someone who is used to that kind of agreement right from the start, the other day or week ago that's what I was thinking when I saw the discussion about the sugar world.
 
 I thought maybe a provider would complicate things less then a sugar babe  
Never the less I'm not sure why you do ask the board for opinions about this.  
You're saying it was a response to something unsolicited yet you respond with the wording " I can't see how this would work with a provider..." This implies you are speaking kind of generally, if this was a conversation about the two of you wouldn't you say something like "thanks but no thanks" and leave it like that? We have no way of really knowing what exactly she offered you, or it seems that you only gave your part of what we should assume to be an actual two sided conversation.
 So it is kind of strange that you feel the need for other opinions on it. Could it be you feel bad for something you've said or are you just hoping she will read this and feel bad herself somehow?

jgoodman222 14 Reviews 1202 reads
posted
12 / 20
Re: So...

I don't get a sense of anger, probably more of confusion.  That is understandable because what she proposed is pretty off the wall.

I have never been involved in a sugar daddy situation, but have been a "regular" with more than one provider.  I don't mind a gal I see fairly often reaching out to me, but I am usually put off by someone I have only met once or twice giving me the "hey baby" email.

You have devoted a lot more time than I would have to the email.  My response would have been something along the lines of "thanks for the offer, but that is not something I am looking for right now."

OldTimerB 45 Reviews 1001 reads
posted
13 / 20
Nothing wrong IMO...

Derp,  

I thought it was all fine. The only part that she could take offense at would be when you talk about pro vs. amateur and if so, her thin skin would have caused her to leave a long time ago.  

As others have mentioned, when you're "sarcastic" (as an example), it's pretty obvious.  

It seemed to me like you were just being polite in your own way and not wanting to burn any future bridge as already said in case something changed.  

Personally, I would have just politely said thanks, I appreciate the invitation/offer, and said I'm not looking for or interested in that at this time but will keep you in mind if anything changes.  

No problems or issues as far as I read. Good job Derp.
Posted By: Derpdydoo
What are your thoughts on this as a response to an unsolicited email from a provider regarding an creating an ongoing arrangement.  Does my response seem inappropriate, angry, passive-aggressive, none of the above, all of the above, or something else?  
   
 (Any Identifying information has been removed)..  
 ---  
 Appreciate the email.  
   
 I can't see how this arrangement would work with a provider. I wouldn't be a priority, I'd be the steerage bulk rate or the standby passenger at the airport hoping for a spare seat.  
   
 The other difference between a pro and an am looking for a SD is the attitude. A pro is a full p4p, the money is expected. The am's I've dealt with are usually only seeing one guy at a time and are EXTREMELY appreciative when they get some green or a gift.  
   
 That's the general thoughts on the matter.  
   
 My personal thoughts on the matter, and although I'll try to not get too "personal". I had enough of a hard time just scheduling an appointment with you (that never happened, mind you) when you were starting (redacted).  I spent two months trying to set something up, then got over it.  
   
 If you do happen to set something up with one or a couple, I hope it works for the both of you.  
   
 Derp

belindabell See my TER Reviews 989 reads
posted
14 / 20
If she's someone you have never met,

why even bother with a reply?    I think it's different if this is someone you had been seeing a long time
on a weekly, biweekly or even monthly basis.  Ladies love regular visitors and an offer such as this from someone you see on an ongoing basis would be beneficial to both parties.   Receiving this type of email from a stranger would make me suspicious and cautious.

looking64 24 Reviews 908 reads
posted
15 / 20
Sometimes less is more....(eom)


END OF MESSAGE

OldTimerB 45 Reviews 946 reads
posted
16 / 20
Re: Sometimes less is more....(eom)

Exactly what I wanted to say but couldn't find the words...less is more!

Posted By: looking64

CENTER End of Message/CENTER

Derpdydoo 78 Reviews 871 reads
posted
17 / 20
Re: If she's someone you have never met,

She sent a nice enough email and I felt it deserved a response.  Funny someone mentioned "Thanks, but, no thanks."  As that was my first inclination.  I honestly felt that would have been the coldest brushoff I could muster.

wadzilla69 1 Reviews 959 reads
posted
18 / 20
Seems stange she would blow you off and then want to become your....

Sugar Baby?  Kinda the 2 extremes.

Is she on here by chance...

http://www.sugardaddie.com/Home/join/?gclid=COn8vIiqvb4CFedFMgodUkYAJg

I counted many on there that have been providers.

Wad

RanierWolfcastle 7 Reviews 909 reads
posted
19 / 20
Re: It strikes me as unnecessarily harsh

Like.
Say something nice (while declining) or don't say anything at all.  Both would accomplish the same end goal as OP had in mind.
If I wasn't aware of OP's "street cred" I'd suggest he might already be burning bridges by posting these types of thoughts on how to respond

lockstock 229 Reviews 747 reads
posted
20 / 20
if this is really someone you haven't met...

... then her letter is a suggestion testing the waters not a real proposal.  At best she's trolling a number of options, at worst she's sending out a form letter to her whole contact list because she thinks this is a route she wants to try.  

If it was me, and since this may not really be a personal inquiry from her to you alone, I'd reply with a one liner -- no thank you.

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